Mo Anam Chara

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Mo Anam Chara
Author: Angellover
e-mail: angellover@sitestar.net

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God, I wish I had the time to email everyone for their wonderful feedback, but I don't so I will continue to thank each and everyone of you individually with each posting. Thanks Rose, Steph, Christine, Tiff, Kyria, Karin, Sobad97, Maureen, Wendy, Dragonqueen, Susan, Ryan, Mary R., Isis Blue, Kassie Raye, Karen H., Al M., Laura May, Raven Raven, Kolumbyne, Briony, and Romana. You guys are the greatest!

Anita

P.S. I think this is the chapter you've been waiting for. Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER 31

Angel was still watching over Buffy when a knock on the bedroom door sounded in the pre-dawn hours, and he quietly left their makeshift bed on the floor to slide his black silk boxers on in the hopes that he could prevent whoever it was from waking her up. Luckily he was able to do just that, and before the person standing on the other side could open their mouth to say anything he was sticking a finger to his lips to silence them and stepping into the hallway to close the door.

"Did you hurt her?" Conner asked his father as he recalled what sounded like World War III coming from his father's room several hours before.

"No. I would never lay a finger on her. Well, not with the intent to hurt her anyway." Angel couldn't help but break into a grin, and his son soon followed suit. "So does this mean you finally got through to her?"

"I umm... I think so."

"What do you mean you think so, Dad? Didn't you talk to her before you two did uhh... Didn't you talk to her?"

"Yes, Conner I talked to her. I also yelled, and then there was the point where I let her take her own anger out on me before I ransacked our room. Oh, and after that there was kissing and lot's of other... stuff." He ran a hand through his hair. "And that kinda cut out the yelling, beating, and destroying and led to crying. Alot of crying. But she let me hold her afterwards, so I think that means she's accepted that we're back together." His eyes met Conner's again. "Don't you think that means she's accepted that we're back together?"

"I don't know, Dad. You know her. She's unpredictable. Maybe just to be on the safe side you should clarify it the next time you two do uhh... whatever it is you two do."

"You're right. And I think maybe I should go do that right now. Clarify it, I mean." Angel went to open the door to his room, but Conner's voice stopped him. "Wait a minute, Dad. I'm afraid it's going to have to wait."

"Why?" Angel turned back to him. "Did Cordelia have a vision?"

"No."

"Then it can't wait." He reached for the door again, and Conner grabbed his arm. "I said Cordy didn't have a vision, Dad. I didn't say there wasn't something that required your immediate attention, and this does. Lorne's downstairs. He needs to talk to you."

Angel frowned. "Can't this wait until later, Conner? Much much later?"

"'Fraid not." Conner said mysteriously. "Now get dressed." He turned to leave, but suddenly turned back to his father. "Oh, and to be on the safe side leave her up here." Without another word, he disappeared down the hallway, leaving Angel to stare after him. But only for a few moments and then he was quietly slipping back into his room, his eyes immediately returning to the floor, and the woman laying nestled in under the blankets on it. She was laying on her side facing him, her hand resting on the pillow where his head had been laying a few minutes before, and it took everything inside of him not to go to her and slide back in beside her. Sleep. He told himself over and over again as he pulled on his clothes. She needed sleep. There would be many many nights and days to come when he would be able to lay with her in his arms, but not right now. Right now she was exhausted and needed sleep, and he wasn't able to deny her of that. He had never been able to deny her much of anything...

Once he was dressed, Angel made his way over to the makeshift bed and knelt down to feather a kiss across Buffy's forehead then tucked the stray covers around her once more. After quickly taking care of something else he gave her one last lingering glance before he quietly slipped from the room. Good... Whatever the hell it was that Lorne wanted to talk to him about, it had better be good or he was going to snap his neck for dragging him away from the one place he'd dreamed of being for so long...

****

"What the hell?" Angel froze just inside his office doorway as his eyes landed on the person sitting on the sofa across from his desk while every pair of eyes in the room fell on him.

"Hey, Angelface." Lorne grinned. "I brought you a present."

"You brought me..." Angel tore his eyes away from the man, and moved his gaze to Lorne. "Why the hell would you bring him to me, Lorne? I don't want him. In fact, I don't want him anywhere near here."

"I know, Angelface. But I'm afraid he has to be here."

"Why?"Angel's gaze returned to the man. "And okay, it just hit me. How the hell do you even know who he is, Lorne?"

Lorne smiled again. "I didn't. Not at first anyway. But you yourself know how it is when someone decides to drown their sorrows in whiskey and song. They relax, making reading them so much more fun. And it is fun. Especially when they carry little secrets deep inside them that they don't want anyone to know about. And boy, does this fellow have a very big secret. And no, it's not that his singing is worse than yours."

"Lorne..." Angel was losing his patience.

"Okay, okay, Angelface." Lorne laughed then quickly sobered as he slid from the top of Angel's desk. "It turns out that he's the one that sent those uniformed giants after your beloved."

"What?" Angel's gaze flew back to the demon. "You have got to be kidding me? He..." He started to laugh.

"I know. I know. The idea sounds perposterous, and is funny as hell, but it's true, Angel. I read him, remember? And the moment I did I knew you would want to deal with him so I slipped him a mickey, and walah... Here we are. But hey, if you still think I'm joking you can ask him yourself. I think that guilty conscience of his has finally managed to get the best of him. Well, that and the fact that he's a lovesick fool for your mate."

Angel took one look at Lorne and knew he wasn't kidding, and the moment he did know his enraged gaze flew back to the man on the sofa. "Is what he's saying true, boy? Did you send those men after Buffy?"

The man nodded, and before anyone could blink Angel was on him. "You sonofabitch! Do you have any idea what they did to her? I'll kill you!" He growled as he choked the life from the man. "I'll kill you!"

The rest of the AI crew reacted just as quickly and tried to pry Angel's hands from the man's throat, but Angel wasn't about to let go. That was until Lorne's voice cut into his enraged fog. "Let go, Angelface. You can't kill him. if you do you'll never know why he did it. Come on now, let go. Let go for her."

It took a few moments for Angel to do as Lorne asked, but neither his hold on Riley Finn nor his saffron gold eyes ever left him. Not even when he jerked the tape that was keeping Riley from talking from his mouth. "Tell me, boy. I want to know why you sent those men after my mate."

"Sh-She's not your mate." Riley managed to choke out once the tape was removed from his mouth.

"Yes, she is. She bears my mark, Finn." Angel growled. "Mine. And that in itself proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's mine. Buffy is my mate, and you have committed a terrible crime against her. A crime that is punishable by death, and unless you give me a very good explaination as to why you did it I'm going to carry through with your punishment. Now answer me. Why did you send those men after my mate?"

Riley took one look at Angel and knew he wasn't kidding. "T-To retrieve her. I never wanted to hurt her. Never. They were ordered to retrieve her and deliver her to me, but their was a flaw in their programs?"

"Programs?" Angel's eyes narrowed as they stared at Riley. "Are you telling me those things were robots like the one Spike... Those things were robots?"

"No. Not robots. They're not robots." Riley answered quickly. "They're more advanced than robots. They're cyborgs. To the human eye they look just like any other human, but underneath their human skin lies a machine unlike anything in this world. A machine programed to be a soldier. That's why there was a flaw in their program. They were ordered to retrieve Buffy without harming her, but they were also programed to never back down from a fight either."

"And as soldiers when she chose to fight them their first instinct was to defend themselves thereby causing a flaw in their program." Angel guessed.

Riley nodded. "Yes, and it broke my heart when I found out what they had done to her. I never wanted to hurt her. I just wanted them to bring her to me so I could get back what was rightfully mine."

Angel growled again. "I told you she doesn't belong to you, boy. Buffy is mine. Mine!"

Riley's eyes grew just as stormy. "Maybe Buffy is yours, but my child isn't."

"Ch-Child?" Angel's grip on Riley loosened, and he took a step back in shock. "But Buffy isn't... N-No. No. She isn't pregnant. I would know. I would... She hasn't seen you in seven years so how could she be pregnant with your..."

Riley shifted nervously on the sofa. "She's not pregnant now, but before... I never knew. Not until recently. I stumbled on this prophecy that told of her return and how she would rejoin with her child. The only thing I can figure out is that she was pregnant before I left her in Sunnydale, and she didn't tell me or didn't know until after I left. There was so much going on then. Her mom... I don't know why she never told me or what happened to the baby. I umm..." He raised his gaze to Angel. "I just want my child back and in order for me to accomplish that I need to find out what she knows."

"You're lying, boy." Angel grabbed Riley by his shirt. "Admit it. Admit that the child isn't the only thing you wanted. Admit that you wanted her, too. That's why you're really here. I think you've been watching her for awhile. Waiting for the perfect moment when you could snatch her up. The only problem is you knew you didn't have a fighting chance in hell as long as I was in the picture. I can almost bet that you've been watching and waiting for that perfect opportunity for a long, long time. But you never expected me to show up or for her to disappear on you. And I think that's what happened. I think you lost track of her for awhile so you went to Sunnydale and waited for her to return. I'll even bet you were ecstatic when you found out she was back. That was until you found out she was in the same city as me. As soon as you found that out you panicked. You knew then that you were going to have to do something or you was going to lose her, so you sent your men after her and when they screwed up you didn't have a choice. You knew then you would have to show your face. That's why you showed up here yesterday. Showing up here yesterday was your last ditch effort to keep her away from me, and to try and win her for yourself." He jerked Riley up. "Admit it, Finn. Tell me that what I'm saying isn't true. I dare you."

"I can't!" Riley spat. "You're right. I wanted her back. I've thought of nothing but her for the last seven years, and I actually thought I had a chance after..." Riley looked away from him. "I actually thought I had a chance until yesterday. She told me you two weren't back together. That you would never be back together. But you'll also be happy to know that she pretty much told me she hated my guts, and then she went on to prove it to me by letting me kiss her. Cold. She was as cold as you are dead, and it nearly killed me that she was telling me the truth. That was until I remembered our child. She may have never loved me, but if there is one thing I do know I know that she loved it. The proof of that love was in the painting she destroyed before she left here last year. She loved our child. I know it. And I think if the two of us can find that child and be the parents I know we can be to it, maybe just maybe in time she'll grow to love me the way I want. Maybe just maybe if we can find our child the three of us can be a real family. I just... I need to know why she never told me she was pregnant in the first place, and I need to know if she knows what happened to the baby."

"The picture..." Angel murmured as he remembered the picture Riley was referring to. "Jesus... No wonder she didn't want to remember. The baby..."

"Isn't dead." Riley stated matter of factly. "I know it's not dead. Our child isn't dead. I know it, and I intend to find it with what answers I get from her, and the help of the government. I can give Buffy back the child that she so badly craves and misses, but I won't do it as long as you're in the picture. There is no way in hell I will ever let you be a father to my child, and I think the government will agree with me. The question now is are you willing to step out of the way and allow me to give Buffy back her child? Do you really love her enough to step out of the way and allow me to give her what she really needs. Because that's the only way she will ever get it. The only way I will ever let her have anything to do with our child is if you're out of the picture. I won't share our child with you. I won't."

"Angelface..." Lorne approached Angel, and laid a hand on his arm. "Not now, Lorne..." Angel shoved his hand away.

"Buffy..." Lorne said without bothering to turn around to look at the figure standing in the office doorway. "Sweetie, are you going to stand there and let this ruse go on forever or are you finally going to let go of all that fear and pain and tell Angel the truth?"

"I umm..." Buffy's tear filled gaze flew to Angel's as he spun around to face her. "I-I didn't want you to k-know."

"Why, Buffy?" Angel's equally as pained eyes met hers. "Were you afraid I couldn't love your child the way I love Conner. Because if that's the reason you're wrong. I would... I will love it the same way if not more simply because it's a part of you. Because I love you."

"N-No..." Buffy vigorously shook her head as tears started to stream down her face. "I didn't w-want you to k-know because... because..." Her gaze flew back to Riley. "I-Is that why you d-did what you did to me? Because you wanted my..." She backed away. "Th-There is no baby. There is no baby. You did it all for nothing."

Riley's searched her face. "You're lying, Buffy."

"N-No." Buffy vigorously shook her head again. "I'm not. I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are." A voice said from behind Angel, and then the owner of that voice moved up beside him, his own eyes never leaving Buffy's. "C-Conner..."

"I know, Buffy. I told you before if you wouldn't give me the answers I wanted then I would find someone else that would. I know everything and now it's time everyone else knew. " The moment the words left Conner's mouth Buffy's eyes grew panicked at what he was suggesting. "Conner, no..."

"Everything's going to be okay, Buffy." He cut her off and said.

"You don't know that." She choked out.

"Yes, I do. Now stop protecting me and do it." Conner's eyes welled up. "I can't take seeing you in this much pain anymore. It's killing me. Please just tell Dad the truth."

"The truth about what?"Angel's questioning eyes flew to Buffy. "Buffy?"

Buffy opened her mouth to say something, but Riley beat her to it. "Sonofabitch! That's what you were hiding from me at the insitution? That whole time... That whole time I thought... You wasn't hiding my child from me. You were hiding...You bitch!"

A growl erupted from Angel and before anyone could react to stop him he was all over Riley again. "Do not... And I repeat, boy... Do not ever call my mate that word..." Suddenly Angel's hands dropped to his side. "Wait a minute... How the hell did you..." The answer to his own question finally hit Angel full in the face and he slowly turned around to look at Buffy. "He was the one... He's the one that hurt you..."

"Angel..." The look on Buffy's face was all the answer Angel needed. The demon inside of him screamed out in rage and he felt his face morph in reaction, but before he could turn around to accomplish his goal Buffy was launching herself into his arms. "ANGEL, NO!"

"Buffy..." Angel growled. "Baby, let go."

"No. No." Buffy looked up at him through a flood of tears. "Th-This is what he wants." She buried her head in his chest as sobs began to hitch her body. "He wants to destroy you... us... and it will... i-if you kill him you'll have to live with that the rest of your existence. It'll b-be another death to a-add to that guilty conscience of yours. Another death to add to my guilty conscience. I-I just w-want it to stop. I want the killing to stop."

Angel was still enraged. So much so, that he couldn't bring himself to wrap his arms around Buffy to comfort her even though a part of him wanted to do nothing more. "He hurt you, Buffy." He finally managed to choke out as he continued to nail Riley with his amber orbs over the top of her head.

"It had to b-be me. It had to be." Buffy raised her head up to look at him. "Don't you s-see that, A-Angel? It w-was either me o-or you a-and our son."

"What?" That got Angel's attention, and his eyes snapped back to hers. "Buffy, baby what are you talking about? You and I don't..."

Buffy started sobbing even harder and pushed away from him. "I didn't want you to know. Y-You or C-Conner. I didn't want you to know. N-Not just because I-I was trying to pr-protect you, but because of m-me..."

"What are you saying, Buffy?"

"Jesus! How dense are you, Dad? " Conner yelled at his father. "She's trying to tell you that she's my mother. That I belong to you and her."

"W-What?" Angel turned to look at his son. "C-Conner... Son, I know you love Buffy, and she loves you, but she's not your mother. Darla's your mother."

"He's right." Buffy choked out, as her gaze flew back to Conner. "Listen to your father, baby. I'm not your mother. Darla's your mother. She's the one that carried you for nine months. She's the one that sacrificed her life to give you yours. Not me. N-Not me. I'm not your mother. I'm not. All I am is just the person that helped to create you. That's all I'll ever be. I wasn't good enough to give you life or to be your mother. I'm wasn't worthy. I'm not worthy."

"Buffy..." Angel's questioning eyes flew to hers. "What..."

"I told you I didn't want you to know." Sobs began to hitch Buffy's body again and she wrapped her arms around herself. "I told y-you. I told you I wasn't worthy, but you wouldn't listen. Even the powers know it's t-true. Th-That's why they took him back. Th-They took him b-back j-just like th-that day."

"That day? What are you saying, Buffy? Are you saying that you and I... That Conner is ours?"

"Of course, I'm yours and hers, you dumbass!" Conner yelled at his father again. "Just look at me. I mean, really look at me, Dad. Tell me you don't see what I see. What Spike sees."

Angel did as his son ordered. He honed all his senses... everything inside of him on his son and mate, and the moment he did it all became so clear. He saw everything Conner saw. "Oh, God..." His eyes filled with tears as they shot back to Buffy. "Buffy..."

"I didn't want you to know..." Buffy began to sob harder.

"Why?" He choked out.

"I w-was afraid you would hate me. Th-That you would think I wasn't worthy just like the powers. I didn't want you to know th-they took him back just like th-that day. Th-That's why I pretended I didn't remember the night you came to get me. I didn't want you to end up hating me. I r-remembered. I remembered everything when I died. A-And then they told me about him... How th-they kept h-him a secret from me... f-from you... I never knew. Not until I was in... That's when th-they told me." She swiped at her tears. " Then th-they told me th-that they had sent h-him back to you. Th-They said y-you needed him, so they s-sent him back. Th-They used D-Darla to give him life. A-And I hated them for that. God, how I-I hated them for that. Wh-When they told me wh-what they had done all I could think was that th-they were right. I r-really was incapable of loving or being loved. Th-They proved to me then that I-I wasn't worthy of you... of being a mother to our son. They proved that t-to me when they chose to let Darla give our son life instead of m-me! A-And God, how I hated them for that. I still hate them for that! Conner is a part of m-me... o-of us...And I love him. I love him so much, but you were right, A-Angel. I'm not his mother. I knew that the moment the powers told me everything. A-And I hate them for that. I hate myself for that. I'm not worthy of him. Of y-you. And I-I tried to tell you that... the both of you that... b-but you wouldn't listen. You w-wouldn't listen." She collapsed in a muddled heap in the middle of the floor, and Angel was immediately at her side. "Buffy..." His hands went to her face. "Baby, look at me."

"I-I can't..." She shook his hands off. "I-I don't think I can b-bare to see how much you hate m-me now."

"Hate you?"Angel couldn't believe what he was hearing, but at least now he understood. "Jesus, Buffy..." His hand reached out to stroke her hair. "I could never hate you. Never. I love you, and I thought I had finally proven that to you last night."

"Y-You did." She sobbed as she wrapped her arms around herself again, and began to rock back and forth. "B-But that was b-before..."

"Before what?" He choked out as his own tears finally began to fall. "Before I found out that the only person I have ever loved and dreamed about having babies with has given me a son?"

"N-No." She shook her head again. "I didn't..."

"Yes, you did, baby. You gave me a son. You. Out of all the women I've ever been with you were the one to give me the greatest gift bestowed to man. You, Buffy. And that in itself should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are worthy of being his mother, and I'm sure he'll tell you that once things settle down. But if you still have doubts and want to lay the blame on someone than I suggest you take a good look at me before you point a finger at yourself. If anyone one should hate anyone here, you should hate me. I am the one to blame, after all. I'm the one that gave that day back, remember?"

"No!" Buffy's head shot up to meet his pained gaze. "You're not to b-blame, Angel. You're not. You did it to save me. I know th-that now. I knew that then. And I-I also know you just didn't do it for me, you did it to save the world, too. And I don't hate you for that. I don't. You're not to blame. You're not. If anyone's to blame it's me. You did it for me. It's all my fault." Her tears began to fall even harder. "Don't you see, Angel. I'm not worthy of you or Conner. The powers proved that when they wouldn't let me give him life. I'm not worthy of him... of you. That's why I don't want you to love me. E-Either one of you. I'm not worth loving. P-Please don't love me. I don't want you to love me."

"Well, you're about ten years too late because I do love you. I never stopped, and I never will. I will always love you, Buffy. And as far as you not being worthy... I don't give a damn what the powers say because I happen to know for a fact that you are. If it wasn't for you..." He reached for her and pulled her into his lap. "You are the reason I can love, baby. You. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have a family to love. And I don't mean just my friends. I mean you and me, and now..." Angel buried his face in her hair. "We have a son, Buffy. A son. A part of you and me, and you may not think you are worthy of being his mother, but I think differently." He pulled back to look at her tear streaked face. "Love, baby. Our son was created in love, and there isn't a person or higher being that can tell me differently. What we shared that day... I remember every second of it and there isn't a doubt in my mind that we loved unlike anyone else in this world." His hands came up to frame her face again. "Love, Buffy. We made Conner in love. I loved you, and I still love you. And Conner... I know he feels the same way about you, and like I said before once things settle down I can guarantee you that he'll tell you that. We love you, baby. And we need you. We need you here with us always. I need you here with me always. I love you, and Conner loves you." He gently shook her. "Do you understand? We need you, baby. We love you, and you are worthy of us. There isn't a doubt in our minds of that."

His words on brought more tears. On both parts this time. And the couple clinging to each other was totally oblivious of anyone else but themselves. So oblivious they didn't even notice when Lorne finally composed himself enough to usher everyone, including one very unhappy Riley Finn, from the room.

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CHAPTER 32

When Angel and Buffy re-emerged from his office a little while later Angel made a beeline straight for Riley Finn again, and just like before he didn't care that he had to shove a few people aside to get to him. "This prophecy you found... I want to know exactly what it said, Finn."

"Angel..." Buffy finally caught up with him, and laid a hand on his arm. "Let go of him. It's over."

"No, it's not over, Buffy. You're still in danger, and I'll be damned if I'll lose you again. That's why I need to talk to him. Talk, Buffy. That's it." Angel nailed Riley with his dark orbs. "The sonofabitch is working with someone. I know it. He's too damn stupid to have come up with this plan all on his own. And then there's the other attacks... I want to know why he wanted to kill you when he said he loved you."

"Kill you?" Riley's eyes flew to Buffy. "So what you said yesterday... Someone really is trying to kill you?"

Buffy's gaze moved from Angel to Riley. "Yes. And Angel thinks you're that someone because... Because your assistant... He was one of them. He killed my fa... Kyle, so I killed him."

To say Riley was shocked was an understatement, but he quickly recovered and returned his gaze to hers."And because he was involved you think I'm responsible. Is that what you're saying, Buffy? You think I'm behind all this, too?"

"I don't know, Riley. I thought I knew you, but after everything you did... And then there's those Adam wannabe's... You sent them after me. Why? The truth, Riley. I want the truth."

"I told you the truth, Buffy. There was you and the prophecy. My child... I just wanted my child."

"And revenge on Angel." Buffy finished for him. "You wanted revenge on Angel too, Riley. That was the biggest factor in all this. Admit it."

"OKAY! I admit it!" He yelled. "But not like that! I would never try to hurt you, Buffy. Never! I love you for crying out loud. I would never hurt you!"

"But you did. When you finally figured out you wasn't going to get what you wanted you did hurt me, Riley."

"I said I was sorry about that, Buffy. And if you'll let me explain I think you'll..."

Buffy held up her hand to cut him off. "You hate Angel, Riley. I mean really hate him, and you and I both know that. I also know from experience what hate can do to a person. It eats at you until there's a point you start doing things you never ever thought you were capable of doing if you were in the right frame of mind."

"I see. And you think my hate for him has reached the point that I would actually think of killing the only woman I've ever loved just to keep him from having her."

"You said it, not me."

"I would never hurt you, Buffy!" Riley yelled. "I don't care how much I hate him." Riley struggled against the ropes that had him bound. "Jesus christ, Buffy. do you have any idea how much it hurt me to do what I... And then there's my men... It nearly killed me! I never ever... I would NEVER hurt you that way! NEVER, Buffy! You've got to believe me."

"If that's true then I suggest you tell Angel what he wants to know so he can find out who really does want to hurt me. And if I were you I wouldn't hesitate on telling him, Riley because if you don't he's going to do exactly what he planned on doing earlier and I won't be able to stop him."

Riley glanced over at the man standing beside Buffy, and knew by the menacing look in his eyes that she wasn't lying. "And so it shall be that the golden slayer that sacrificed her own life to save the key and humanity shall return from the heavens above. And upon her return she shall be reunited with her child. But a blessed reunion with the child isn't all that lies in store for the golden warrior. Something far greater also awaits her, and can only take place when and if she should reunite with the mo anam chara and complete the circle that should have never been broken."

Something between a laugh and a sob tore from Buffy's lips, but just as quickly as it did she sobered and nailed Riley with her eyes. "What does it mean, Riley?"

"What?" Riley blinked in confusion.

"Mo anam Chara. What does it mean?"

"It means father."

Buffy couldn't help it. Laughter bubbled up inside her and once it escaped she couldn't stop. She laughed until she cried, and everyone in the room, including Angel, couldn't help but stare at the rare sight. "What's so funny, Buffy?" Riley asked as he stared at her.

"N-Nothing..." Buffy swiped at her tears. "I-It's just... Did you even look it up? The translation, I mean?"

"No. I just assumed..."

"Well, you assumed wrong. Mo anam chara doesn't mean father." Buffy turned around to look at Angel. "Angel, would you like to do the honors of telling Riley what it means? It is your native tongue after all."

"With pleasure." Angel rewarded Buffy with one one of his million dollar lopsided smiles, and moved up in front of Riley. " Mo anam Chara is Gaelic for my soulmate."

"And you're not..." Buffy stated as she met Riley's gaze. "You're not my soulmate, Riley. And you were never anywhere near being him."

"You also told me that you and Angel wasn't back together. That you would never be back together, but from where I'm standing something's drastically changed, Buffy." Riley's gaze swept over Angel's shirt and boxers that Buffy was wearing. "You slept with him, and I don't understand how that's possible. I thought..."

"My soul is bound." Angel cut Riley off. "And not that it's any of your business, but Buffy and I actually did a hell of a whole lot more than sleep last night."

"Angel..." Buffy glanced over at him.

"What?" He asked innocently. "It's the truth. Are you can going to tell me you've already forgotten, Buffy? Because if you have maybe I should just cart you back upstairs right now and refresh that memory of yours. Besides, what do we have to be ashamed of? That's what soulmates do when they reunite. Am I right?"

"We are not..." Buffy opened her mouth to argue, but immediately snapped it shut when she saw the stormy look in Angel's eyes. "L-Later. We'll discuss this later, Angel."

"We most certainly will, baby." He smirked.

Buffy actually blushed, and Riley didn't miss it. "What the hell are you doing, Buffy? He's a fucking vampire for christ's sake! He can't give you a normal life."

"He can't give me a normal life?" Buffy's firey gaze flew back to Riley. "God, Riley! You so don't get that I'll never ever be normal. You so don't get that the only time I ever did... do feel normal is when I'm with him. Him, Riley! Not you. And as for the vampire thing. Here's a little newsflash for you. Besides the fact that Angel's soul is now bound, he's also slowly but surely earning his humanity back. It's his reward for fighting. His shanshu. And even though I know it may not happen to him in my lifetime, it doesn't matter to me. It never did. I fell in love with Angel, the only vampire with a soul. Not Angel the human, Riley."

"What about other children, Buffy? Don't you want more children? I mean, if I'm understanding everything I've heard correctly it was Angel the human that got you pregnant, and not Angel the vampire. And then there's the fact that you missed out on your son's life. Tell me that fact alone doesn't make you want more children? Children that Angel the vampire can't give you."

"That's right, Riley. Angel the vampire can't give me children, but I already knew that. I knew it a long time ago. And I accepted it. Besides, it was never about that. Never. All I ever wanted was Angel. That's it. And the fact that we were lucky enough to have Conner... He's a miracle. A miracle I will always treasure. And yes, the fact that I missed out on everything with him does make me wish I could have more miracles like him. I won't deny that. But having him in my life period is something I want more. And God! Why am I even standing here bothering to explain any of this with you. It's my life. Mine. And you aren't a part of it. You never were. You know it and I know it, Riley." She walked over to untie him. "Go."

"What the hell are you doing, Buffy?" Angel bellowed as Buffy spun back around to look at him. "Letting him go. It's over."

"Are you crazy, Buffy? Those things are still out there, and let's not forget about the other..." Buffy cut him off by kissing him, taking him totally by surprise, and leaving him completely stunned long enough to give her time to turn back to Riley. "Go, Riley. And make it fast because when he catches up with you it'll be just like I told you it would be."

Riley didn't waste anytime doing as he was ordered, and Buffy did watch him leave this time because she knew it would be the last time she would ever see him, and when she finally did turn back to Angel it was to find him very close to blowing his top. "You know I'm going after him."

"Uh huh." She gave him a weak smile. "Just try and remember what I said earlier, okay?"

Angel closed the distance to her, and pulled her into his arms to kiss her. "I need for you to stay here."

She nodded. "I know. And don't worry I'll be here when you get back."

He searched her face. "Promise?"

"Yes, warden. The prisoner promises to still be locked in her cell."

He opened his mouth to say something, but at the last minute he changed his mind and kissed her instead. "I'll be back soon, and we'll talk."

"Talk. Right." She clutched his shirt and looked up at him under hooded lashes. "You'll be careful?"

"You can count on it." He leaned down to kiss her again, but the sound of someone clearing their throat put a stop to any other thoughts he may have had. "Uhh... Excuse me, Dad... Bu... Mom. I really hate to break up your reunion, but in case you haven't noticed the bad guy is getting away."

Angel pulled away from Buffy with a growl, and headed for the weapons cabinet, and Buffy silently stood by and watched as he and the others got everything they needed together before saying anything. "A-Angel, I-I don't know if this helps, but Adam, he uhh... He had a chip here." She pointed to her heart. "It was his power source. If these guys are similiar to him the only way to take them down is to remove it."

He nodded, and with one long last glance at her, headed for the door. "Lorne, stay with her." And then he was gone, disappearing in a billow of coat tails.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I would like to personally thank Kolumbyne, Raven Raven, Christine, Nicole, Mary R., Laura May, Al M., Kyria, Emma, Karen H., Kassie Ray, Isis Blue, Carolyn, Ryan, Karin, Heather, LS McBride, Wendy, Briony, and Kendra for their feeback on Chapter 32. Thanks guys!

CHAPTER 33

"Here you go, sweetie."

"W-What?" Buffy tore her gaze away from the lobby doors, and looked up to find Lorne standing in front of her.

"I fixed you some chamomille tea to help calm your nerves, and I added some peppermint to help with the nausea."

"H-How did you..."

"Honey, it's written all over your face." He handed her the cup of tea then sat down beside her. "Boy, it's been a pretty hectic twenty four hours, huh?"

Buffy nodded again, and her eyes immediately returned to the lobby doors. "They're going to be okay."

She glanced back at Lorne. "Did the powers tell you that?"

"No, they don't have to tell me. I just know."

"You don't understand, Lorne. Things with Angel and I... Alot of things were left unsaid, and usually when that happens something terrible always happens. And then when you add Conner to the equation..."

Lorne patted her leg. "He loves you, and it's that love that's going to bring him back to you, Buffy. Him and Conner. You just have to have faith and believe that."

"Faith?" Buffy turned back to look at him again. "The word faith doesn't exist in my vocabulary, Lorne. Not when I've been up against these guys and know what they're capable of. It's been too long. They've been gone too long. They should have been back by now." She stood up. "I'm going to find them."

"Are you crazy, Buffy?" Lorne stood up to block her path. "Do you have any idea what Angel will do to me if I let you go?"

"Do you have any idea what I'll do to you if you don't?"

"Buffy... Sweetie... You're not thinking rationally. You have to think of other important things."

"Other important things! What other important things, Lorne? There aren't any other important things to me but Angel and Conner. They're my everything!"

"I think maybe you might want to rephrase that statement, sweetie."

"W-What?"

Lorne wrung his hands nervously. " I umm... Damnit, I wasn't going to tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise for you and Angelface, but you've left me no choice. You're pregnant, sweetie. You're pregnant with another little miracle. That's why you can't go after Angel and Conner."

"I'm sorry." Buffy stared at him, not quite sure if she'd heard him correctly. "Could you repeat that?"

"Pregnant. You're pregnant with Angel's baby."

A half laugh, half sob escaped from Buffy's throat, but she quickly sobered and nailed Lorne with firey eyes. "If this is your idea of a joke it's not funny, Lorne."

"It's no joke, sweetie. You definitely have a bun in the oven, and the reason I'm telling you is because I'm trying to see to the safety of both it and you because I know it's what Angel would want if he knew."

"B-But that's not... H-He's a vampire."

"Half vampire." Lorne corrected her. "He's part human now, too. And from the predicament your in I'd have to say he's a little more human than we thought. Or who knows, maybe this a little miracle just like your other little miracle."

"B-But..." Buffy's hands went to her stomach. "H-How do you know? I m-mean, He and I... We umm... Last night..."

Lorne chuckled. "You forget I'm anagogic, and that I read aura's, Buffy. And let me tell you now that that is one powerful aura you're carrying there. It's no wonder though considering the two people that created it. I mean, look at Conner. Man, that's some kid there. Really strong physically and aura wise just like his parents, and this new baby will be the same way."

Buffy blinked back more tears. "Y-You're sure? Angel and I... You're sure?"

"Positive." Lorne smiled. "Now do you see why you can't go after the rest of your family?"

"N-No." Buffy shook her head. "No, I don't see. If anything this baby is all the more reason for me to go after them. I won't have another child being raised by just one parent. And then there's it's brother... It'll need it's brother, too. I'm going after them. I have to."

"But..." Lorne wrung his hands again. "You can't go. You don't have a car. How are you supposed to go after them without a car?"

"Easy." Buffy answered. "Angel took the Plymouth because he took the whole crew with him. That leaves me the Ferrari."

"A Ferrari he has the keys to."

"I don't need the keys. I know how to hotwire a car, and don't ask me how because I don't have time to explain. Now get out of my way, Lorne."

"You still can't go, Buffy. You don't even know where they went. This is a big city. How are you supposed to find them?"

"Easy. Our connection. I'll use our connection. It may take me awhile, but I'll find them."

"Buffy, please..."

"You're wasting time, Lorne. Time I could be using to find them." Buffy pushed him aside, and headed for the stairs. "Do me a favor and dig me out a spare sword, and a couple of stakes while I'm changing. And hurry. I'll only be a second."

"Kill me..." Lorne muttered after she disappeared, and he moved to the weapons cabinet. "Angelface is going to kill me. He'll rip my head off and make sure I never ever get put back together again."

"And why exactly am I going to treat you like Humpty Dumpty?"

Lorne jumped and spun around to face the man he had just been muttering about. "B-Because of y-your m-mate..."

"What about..." Angel's eyes grew just as panicked as Lorne's. "Where is she?"

"Upstairs..." Lorne pointed towards the stairs where Buffy had just disappeared moments before. "H-Hurry. She umm... She was coming to find you and Conner."

"The hell she was. Go home, Lorne. " Was all Angel said as he too disappeared up the stairs.

****

"Damn you, Angel!" Buffy muttered as she looked around the chaos that was Angel's room for her clothes, or rather the clothes Dawn had been nice enough to loan her. "What the hell did you do with my clothes?"

"I hid them because I couldn't take the risk of you running away again. And why are you so upset? It's not like you're going to need them anytime soon anyway."

Buffy spun around to find the owner of the voice leaning against the open bedroom doorway. "I can't run around here without clothes, Angel."

"Why not? Could be fun. Especially if I'm naked right along with you." He smirked.

"Angel..." Buffy glared at him. "Can I have please have my clothes back? Or rather Dawn's clothes back. She was nice enough to let me borrow them and I really don't want anything to happen to them."

The smirk left Angel's face as he locked eyes with her again. "Nothing will, but you're still not getting them back. Why wear hand me downs when you have a whole closet full of new clothes that I bought you myself?"

"You bought me some clothes?"

"Mmm... They're in the closet along with mine. Oh, and the stuff that couldn't be hung up I stuck in the dresser drawers over there."

Buffy felt her eyes pool up. "W-When did you..."

"Yesterday after Finn came to see you. Dawn was right. The only way I was ever going to convince you that this is your home was to make some changes around here, so I started by giving you some closet space and a some drawers. I know it's not much, but I was sort of pressed for time. Don't worry though. I plan to give you free reign of the place, and let you make any changes you want to it just as soon as you give me what I want. What I've always wanted."

"A-And what exactly is it that?"

"You... With me always." He answered honestly before pushing away from the door to close the distance to her. "And I do want you with me, Buffy. From this moment on as a matter of fact. I think we've wasted enough time being apart, don't you?"

"I..." A sob tore from Buffy's throat, and she buried her head in his chest as the tears began to flow. "A-Angel..."

"Hey. Hey." He began to soothe her back. "What's this?"

"I-I love you."

The surge of feelings shooting through Angel upon hearing her words was indescribable, and he actually could have done a little happy dance if he hadn't been feeling her distress at the same time. "And that's a bad thing how?"

A half laugh half sob tore from Buffy's lips. "I-It's not a bad thing. W-Well, except maybe for you. In case you've forgotten I have a tendancy to kill the people I love. And that's what I was afraid was going to happen here." She pulled back to look at him with a tear streaked face. "I-I was afraid you would end up getting killed and that I would never get the chance to say those words to you. And I wouldn't have been able to live with myself because it would have been my fault."

"Buffy..."

"I'm sorry." She swiped at her tears and pushed away from him. "I shouldn't have said that. I umm... That was emotional wreck Buffy letting go for a second. It won't happen again." She went to turn away from him, but he grabbed her arm. "Damnit, Buffy, don't you dare shut yourself off from me again."

"You could have died. C-Conner, too.."

"But I didn't. He didn't. We're fine, Buffy. But even if something had happened it wouldn't have been your fault." Angel reached out to tilt her face up to his. "You couldn't have stopped me from going, baby. I love you. You're my mate, and as such it's my duty to protect you."

Buffy opened her mouth to argue with him, but he cut her off before the first word could ever leave her mouth. "Don't. Don't you dare say you're not my mate, Buffy because you are whether you want to believe it or not. And like I said before, as such it's my duty to protect you. You're life was in danger, and I did what I had to do to keep you safe. And as for Conner... Well, what can I say... He's definitely my son. He loves and adores you just as much as I do, and it's because he does that he went with me. You couldn't have stopped him even if you had tried."

"It wasn't your fight, Angel. It was mine. That's why I... I didn't want you involved. I could have lost you. The both of you."

Angel's eyes softened as he looked at her. "And we could have lost you." He pulled her back into his arms. "And while we're on the subject of that, Buffy... If you ever..." He tightened his hold on her. "And I mean ever... think about coming after us while your life is in danger I will turn you over my knee and spank you. Undersood?"

"Idle threats again?" She sniffled.

"It's not a threat, Buffy. I'm serious. I really would spank you."He growled before breaking into a grin. "But then I would kiss it and make it all better afterwards."

"Ahhh! Liam Angelus O'Conner!" Buffy playfully slapped him. "When did you get a dirty mind?"

When Angel didn't answer her right away, Buffy finally noticed the look on his face. "A-Angel?" Her hands began to travel over his upper body. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"N-No. It's just... I think we should talk. But before we do there's something I need to ask you first, Buffy."

"What is it?" She stopped her inspection of his upper body to look up at him.

"My name, Buffy. How do you know my real name? We never talked about my past before... How did you know it? And then there's earlier. You knew Gaelic was my native tongue. How? I know you knew I was from Ireland before but I never told you what language...Did Conner tell you?"

"Y-Yes, b-but... Damnit!" She left the circle of his arms, and walked over to look out the balcony doors. "Me and my big mouth. I umm..." Angel could tell by the tension in her back she was struggling with something. "Buffy..." He closed the distance to her, and slid his arms around her to pull her back against him. "Come on, baby. Talk to me. Whatever it is you can tell me."

"I-I know. I just... Oh, God. It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just... I really was in heaven."

"I know. I knew all along."He murmured. "But what does that..."

"I umm... I wasn't alone." She cut him off. "I mean, I wasn't alone there."

"Your mother was with you." He guessed and she nodded. "B-But not just my M-Mom. There umm.. There was others, too. F-Father... Umm... God... I wasn't happy. After the umm... After I remembered that day and the Powers told me about Conner, I wasn't happy... So umm... Father... God... He sent others to be with me. He umm... He thought it would help me through my pain."

"Who?" Angel asked in a choked voice. "Who did he send to you, Buffy?"

"It umm..." She slowly turned around to look at him. "It w-was your real family, Angel."

"M-My real family? You were with... Oh, God.." He took a step back away from her. "I-It's okay, Angel. They umm... They forgave you a long time ago, and they love you. Probably more now than ever. A-And your father... He umm... He's so sorry he was hard on you back then. H-He said he forgot what it was like to be young. H-He's so sorry Angel, and I can tell you now that he's really proud of you. He umm... He knows it wasn't you that umm... He knows and he knows you're fighting to redeem yourself and he's so proud of you. They all are. Your mom, Kathy, Doyle... They're so proud of you. And Conner... He umm... Even though he doesn't remember his time there, he was with them before the decision to send him back was made, and they adore him. M-Mom, too. They're the doting grandparents, Aunt, and Uncle. Oh, a-and your family likes me, too. Even though I was sort of mopey Buffy they told me they consider me family because of umm... because I gave them Conner."

"That's not the only reason they like you is it, Buffy? They told you, didn't they? They told you everything."

"W-What?"

"My parents... My family... They're the one's that told you my real name. They're the one's that told you what Mo anam Chara means. And they're the one's that told you about this..." Angel held up his left hand again, and showed Buffy the other ring beside nestled on his pinky finger. "They're the ones that told you what this ring symbolized, didn't they, Buffy? That's how you knew even when you were Chara. They told you and somehow you carrried that memory with you even after you returned. Am I right?"

"I-I... Y-Yes. But it doesn't mean..." Another sob tore from Buffy's throat. "I-I mean, I-I understand that it doesn't have the same m-meaning as it did when you..."

"Oh, I beg to differ. It means exactly what it's supposed to mean, baby. And I knew that when I gave it to you. The thing was...is... it only has that meaning with you. No one else, Buffy. You are and always will be mine. Just you. And my family knows that. If they didn't they wouldn't have went to so much trouble to teach you all it about it and mo anam chara." He reached for her, and pulled her back into his arms. "You know, Lorne kept reminding me that it wasn't just a coincidence that you chose the name Chara, but at the time I was in this huge battle with denial and guilt to really think about it. Don't get me wrong, I knew I still loved you. I never stopped. But as usual my need to protect you seemed more important than anything at the time. And then there was Cordy... I loved her. I still love her. But not the way I love you. The way I will always love you. The love I felt...feel for her is one of friendship. I knew it the moment you stepped back into my life, but as usual I let my guilty conscience get in the way. I didn't want to hurt her, but in the whole process I never not once stopped to realize that I was hurting the most precious thing in this world to me even more. I never realized how much I was hurting you until it was too late." He held up his finger again. "The day Conner gave this back to me and told me what you said in your letter... God, I think that's the closest I've ever came to dying since the day I actually did die. It was like you were telling me you didn't belong to me anymore. It made losing you seem so final, and it nearly tore me to shreds. But then you came back again, and I had that vision... I felt everything you felt. Saw everything you did. And it scared the shit out of me. I was so afraid I was going to lose you before I could get the chance to tell you I loved you and wanted a life with you. And I do, Buffy. I love you so much, and if you'll let me I'd like to spend the rest of my existance proving that to you." He locked eyes with her. "So what do you say, baby? Will you live with me, and share my life with me? Will you let me put this ring back on your finger where it belongs?"

Buffy's eyes welled up with fresh tears, and she shook her head. "I-I can't..."

A hurt look flashed across Angel's face, and he abruptly stepped back away from her. "I see. So you're telling me you really don't want to be with me?"

"N-No." She choked out. "Th-That's n-not what I-I'm saying at all, A-Angel."

"Then what the hell are you saying, Buffy? You just told me you loved me. Was that a lie?"

"No! It w-wasn't a lie. I-I do love you."

"Then why don't you want to be with me? And don't give me that bullshit about not being worthy of me because that's exactly what it is. It's bullshit, Buffy!"

"I-It's not... I-It's just..." Her pained gaze met his. "It's not that I don't want to be with you, Angel. 'Cause God knows I do. I w-want that more than anything, but I want you to be sure this i-is really what you want."

"I am sure. All I've ever wanted is to have a life with you, Buffy."

"You said earlier that you didn't know me, and the truth is you were right, Angel. The truth is I'm not the same p-person you once k-knew."

"Yes, you are, Buffy. Inside... Inside you are still the same Buffy I have always known and loved. Okay yes, I agree you've changed. We both have. We didn't have a choice. We've had to change to adapt to the things that's happened to us. From our seperation. We grew shells on the outside to protect ourselves, but inside... Inside you I still see all the beauty I saw inside you the first time I ever laid eyes on you. Nothing's changed, Buffy. Nothing. I still love you now just as much as I did then. More even."

"You don't understand, Angel." She began to sob even harder, and spun away from him. "I... I've done things. Th-Things I'm not proud of. Th-Things I'm not sure I want you to know. A-And then there's you... Y-You're different. A-And I'm not saying that in a bad way. F-Far from it actually. I just... You were h-happy... before Chara... I w-went and messed things u-up. Y-You were happy. Th-The happiest I've ever s-seen you, a-and I don't know if I... Y-You were happy before I-I came back. Th-The happiest I-I've ever s-seen y-you."

"You think..." He stared at her in stunned silence for a moment. "I wasn't happy, Buffy. I just settled."

"W-What?" She turned around to look at him.

"You heard me, Buffy. I wasn't happy. Not truly happy. I settled." He closed the distance to her again. "When you died, I wanted to die, too. I nearly did. But then Cordelia had this talk with me about how you wouldn't have wanted me to give up. That you would have wanted me to keep fighting, and after her talk I remembered what Willow said to me the day she came to tell me you were gone. She told me you said you wanted those you loved to live for you. And that's what I did, Buffy. I lived. I fought for you. And yes, I was even happy at times. But not truly happy. I settled for a comfortable life. One that made everyone truly happy. Everyone that is... except me. How could I be truly happy when the only person that could ever make me feel that way was gone. You, baby. You were... are the only person that can make me truly happy. And I'm not just talking about when we make love, Buffy. I'm talking about all the times I'm just in your presence. Why do you think I left all those years ago? Just being near you... Seeing your face everyday... Loving you with every unneeded breath I took was true happiness to me, and because it was it was a risk to my soul. It was a risk of bringing Angelus back, and I couldn't do that to you. Not again. I had already hurt you enough." He reached for her, and pulled her back in his arms. "You are my true happiness, Buffy. You. Only you. And as far as the things you've done, and you thinking I won't understand, you're wrong about that, too. I will understand. I do understand. Not only that, I will be here to help you deal with it and help get you through it because I love you, and I know you would do the same for me. You already have."

"B-But..." Buffy started to say, but he cut her off with a chaste kiss. "No buts, baby. I will understand. You'll see." He moved around her, shed his jacket on the way, then headed for their bed. Once he reached it he turned around to look at her. "Are you coming?"

"W-What?" She blinked in surpise.

"To bed, Buffy. Are you coming to bed?"

"Y-You want to go to bed?"

He nodded, and sat down on the blankets that was substituting for their bed at the moment, then scooted over to pat the space beside him. "I want to hold you while you unload all your pain on me."

"A-Angel..." Buffy felt a new flood of tears coming on, but before they had time to break free he wiggled his finger at her. "Uh uh, baby. No more tears until you've completely poured out your heart to me. Now come here." He opened his arms to her, and she took the invitation without hesitation, and as soon as Angel had her settled in his arms he kissed her shoulder then tucked his face against hers. "I love you no matter what. Don't forget that. Now talk to me. Tell me everything."

"I umm... I don't know where to start."

"Why don't we start with when you sent me to hell, because I think you and I both know that you haven't been the same person since then."

"A-Angel..."

"You sent me there. You had to, Buffy. You didn't have a choice. And I don't hate you for that. I never did." Angel cut her off and said firmly. "The only person I ever hated was myself. And I still do. Even more so now that I know the truth."

"Th-The truth?" Buffy rolled over to look at him. "W-What truth?"

"You know what truth, Buffy." He reached up to caress her cheek before locking eyes with her. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me that when you sent me to hell you went with me? And don't lie to me and tell me you didn't because Kyle showed me the paintings, Buffy. There is no way you could have recreated it exactly like I saw it unless you were there with me.And then there was the dream I had a couple of weeks ago... You were there, Buffy. I know you were. Maybe not physically, but you didn't have to be. Our connection... We're soulmates. You saw what I saw. Felt what I felt." His eyes welled up. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"B-Because I'd hurt you enough." She choked out.

"Me? Me, Buffy? What about you? You haven't been the same since it happened. You think I don't know that. I mean, I didn't know about the hell part until recently, but I knew you were different after I came back. We both were. But you more than me, and now I know why. Now I know why you were there to start with. You were the one that lead me out of there, but in the process you somehow lost yourself, and you've been lost every since. Dead even."

A sob tore from Buffy's throat. "A-Angel..."

"Tell me." He reached up to catch her tears. "Tell me what happened to you after it happened, Buffy. You'll never heal, and we'll never be able to put the past behind us until you do." His gaze met hers again. "Please tell me, Buffy."

She nodded in understanding. "I umm... I ran away. That summer... I couldn't... The thought of staying there after I umm... The thought of staying there after what I did to you was unbearable so I ran away."

"Where did you go?"

"Here..." She choked out. "The City of Angels. I thought... I thought that maybe it would help me be closer to you somehow. Turns out I was close all right. Just not the kinda close I wanted to be. The dreams... visions... whatever they were they started the first night I was here." She shivered, and he instinctively pulled her closer. "I saw everything. What they did to you from the moment you arrived."

"You felt it too, didn't you?" He whispered into her hair, and she nodded. "I didn't sleep for weeks after that, but eventually my exhaustion caught up with me and I slipped off to nightmare land before I could stop myself. I think... I umm not sure how they knew, but somehow they sensed I was there and they umm... They used me to torture you. Horrible... The second time was worst than the first... When I umm... When I finally managed to wake up I swore I was never ever going back to sleep, but after a couple of more weeks once again my exhaustion caught up with me and that's how it went for the rest of the summer. I would go there, see you... see and feel what they did to you, and everytime I did I would feel a part of me die because you were dying. Not physically, but mentally... Mentally they were breaking you. I knew it. Saw it. Felt it. And it was killing me."

"Buffy..." Angel choked out and pulled back to look at her.

"Do you remember any of it?" She cut him off and searched his face.

Angel shook his head no. "Nothing. I just... I saw some of it in a dream a couple of weeks ago. That's how I found out about you, but that's all I do remember."

"Good." Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"Buffy..." Angel started to say, but she cut him off with a finger to his lips. "I don't want to talk about it anymore, Angel." Her eyes welled up. "Please. I just... It's in the past. All that matters is that you came back. You came back."

"Yes, I did. Because of you, Buffy. But in the end I ended up leaving again. In the end I ended up hurting you again."

"I understand why you did what you did, Angel."

"Do you?" This time he was the one searching her face.

"Yes." She leaned in to brush his lips with hers. "Now let it go."

"I will as soon as you do." He stated and wrapped his arms back around her.

Buffy nodded in understanding. "I umm... After you left Sunnydale I spent the entire summer at home. I didn't go anywhere except out on patrol. I thought things would get easier once school started, but I was wrong. It was horrible. Really horrible. Some gang of vamps took all my stuff and went through it. And the leader... She umm... She kicked my ass and broke the award I got at Prom. Then I got a roommate from hell that tried to suck my life force out of me. Willow and Oz were always off doing things with the older college crowd that they met when Oz and the Dingoes did campus parties back in high school, or they were just off doing other... stuff. Xander was working one dead end job after another, and I rarely seen him. It was horrible, Angel. School. My life. I didn't fit in anywhere, and I m-missed you so much. But I knew... I knew you wasn't coming back, and it tore at me. I hated myself for not being what you needed. That's why when I met... His name was Parker Abrams, and he was the first normal guy to come along. Or so I thought. I actually became a little obsessed with him. Practically fell at his feet. I wanted to get back at you for leaving, so I slept with him after our first date. When I woke up the next morning he wasn't there, and it was like... I was all alone with nothing but my thoughts, and it didn't take me long to figure out that all I did was fuck him. Especially after his true self popped up in the middle of our night after talk. He made me realize it was just fucking on both our parts. It wasn't love. I wasn't... I missed you. So much. And the pain... God, it hurt. So much. So much I think what was left of me started dying. I completely shut myself off from everyone after that. Giles... My mom... My friends. I became a total bitch to keep the pain away. That's why when I met Riley it was so easy to be with him. I didn't have a heart or soul anymore. You were right. I umm... I think my soul went to hell with you, and my heart left with you when you left Sunnydale. And I didn't want them back. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. That's why it was so easy to give myself to Riley. M-My body, I mean. I fucked him just like I did Parker. The only difference was that unlike Parker, he stuck around for more. A whole year's worth of more. But I never loved him. I never made love to him. Never."

"So you did lie to me when you told me you loved him and trusted him."

A sob tore from Buffy's throat. "Y-Yes. What I said... I told you th-that was angry, hurt, and jealous Buffy trying to get back at you for the whole Faith fiasco. I came here and saw that you had this great new life, and I was so hurt because you were having it without me. And it didn't help matters that you sided with her. That hurt me more than fucking Riley ever did."

"I didn't side with her, Buffy. I was giving her the same chance you gave me."

"I know that now, A-Angel." Buffy sniffled. "I do. I just... I told you I shut myself off. I was like that up until Riley left. I wouldn't let him share anything with me. When my mom got sick I wouldn't even let him hold me to comfort me. I couldn't even cry on his shoulder, and it didn't take him long to figure out why, and once he did he confronted me with it. Gave me an ultimatium of sorts. He wanted me to let go of you, and even though I denied that you were the reason I didn't love him...the reason I could never love him, he knew better. That's why he left. Still, even after he did leave I wasn't able to find myself. I was far from it actually. And it didn't help matters that my life was falling to pieces all around me. Mom was sick. I had just found out that Dawn was this great big ball of energy instead of my sister, and then there was Glory. I was all alone, and trying to carry it all on my shoulders. I was falling apart, but instead of asking for help... Instead of calling you like I wanted to... I just shut myself off even more. That was until you came to Sunnydale the night of mom's funeral." She met his beautiful orbs. "Do you remember what I asked you that night?"

Angel nodded, and reached up to smooth a lock of hair from her face.

"Well, I umm... I meant it. I-I wanted you to stay. I-I did. Just having you there for that little while made me happier than I had been since before you... I sent you to hell. Just having you there was enough for me to feel me again. I felt complete. But even though I did I couldn't ask you to stay. I knew the moment the words left my mouth it was selfish of me to even think of asking you. You w-were doing good here. Fulfilling your destiny, and I didn't want to take that away from you. Especially when I knew what I knew."

"You mean especially when you knew you were going to die?"

"Yes, but how..."

"You talked alot in Sunnydale... while you were unconscious." He pulled her closer. "So you knew. Why didn't you tell me that night?"

"Because I didn't want you there trying to play hero. I didn't want you seeing it when it happened, and it would have happened, Angel. Even if you had been there there was nothing you could have done to stop it. Besides, I told you. I didn't want to mess up your new life. And asking you to stay would have done that. I couldn't ask you to stay and walk away from everything you worked for to stay and start something with me that you and I both know we never would have been able to finish. It would have made things even harder on you."

"Is that the truth? Or is there something you don't want me to know. Like maybe you really did want to die?"

"I..." She opened her mouth to deny his accusation, but the look in his eyes was enough to urge her towards the truth. "O-Okay, I-I admit it. M-Maybe I did want to die. I was tired, Angel. So tired. I was tired of fighting for something that I felt was wasn't worth fighting for anymore. I mean, I knew... I knew you were out there... Alive. But it wasn't enough for me. I didn't have the strength left to fight anymore because it seemed like no matter how hard I fought the end result was always the same. In the end I never really won. It wasn't like I got the spoils like other victors. All I got was death. Yours... And then there was Dawnie's looming in the distance. Maybe I did want to die, but even if I hadn't wanted to there was nothing I could have done to stop it. It would have happened anyway. I knew that. I'd known for awhile. And I didn't find out in a dream like with The Master. It was just this gut feeling that came to me one day, and when the time came for it to happen I accepted it because it was inevitable."

"So the night of your Mom's funeral when you said what you said then took it back and told me to leave you were doing it to protect me more or less."

"Yes." Buffy buried her face in his chest to keep him from seeing her tears. "And when we kissed... Wh-When we kissed that was me saying goodbye because I knew I would never see you again."

"Buffy..." His own voice was laced with tears.

"No, Angel." She pulled away to look at him. "I need to tell you this." She swiped at her tears, and met his gaze again. "I umm... Spike once told me that every slayer has a death wish. He was right. There's no maybe to it anymore. I wanted to die. I was so tired of the pain, and I hoped that once I... I thought there might be something better out there. So that night... When we kissed... I took that time with you and I savored it. I said goodbye to you, and, and after you left... I don't know... If I wasn't already dead emotionally by then I think watching you leave again finally finished killing me. I kept telling myself that there was something wrong with me. I convinced myself that I sucked at the love thing. I mean, if I didn't why did everyone end up leaving me? I was a mess. A total mess, and Giles knew it. That's why he decided to send me on a quest to see my spirit guide. He thought it would help me regain my focus, but the truth is the only thing it did was seal the fate I already knew was coming. M-My spirit guide told me death was my gift, and it wasn't a very good thing to tell me at the time because it was exactly what I'd been thinking since Dracula came to town. I had convinced myself that all I did was bring death to those I loved. That when it came down to it, all I was was just a killer after all. And once I convinced myself to that fact I didn't want to slay anymore. I couldn't. Of course, I found out later on that I misinterpreted what my spirit guide meant. What she really meant when she said death was my gift was that the only way to receive that gift was by dying. And I did receive it, Angel. When I jumped into that portal... As I was falling to my death, and my life's essence was being drained out of me, I remembered. Th-That day... The day you were human. I remembered everything about it, and you were right. It was beautiful. So beautiful. It was the happiest day of my life. But as happy as I was to remember it, at the same time remembering it was bittersweet, too. I just... I was so devestated that the powers waited until then to let me remember. God, I was so bitter at them. I even hated them. And that hate and bitterness carried over into heaven."

"You wasn't happy there."

"Nope." She let out a bitter laugh. "I wanted something better, and if I couldn't have...I always thought heaven was the best anyone could ever get. Turns out I was wrong. Turns out heaven wasn't my heaven, and Father... God... He knew it. That's why he sent the powers to me to tell me about Conner. A-And don't for a second think that I wasn't happy about him. I was. It was a dream come true. You and me making a baby together. But at the same time it hurt me so much. I hated them even more for taking that day back... You... Conner. It made me feel unworthy of the both of you." Her eyes welled up with tears again. "I hated them, Angel. God, I hated them for making me feel that way. I felt like I was dying all over again. I have never in all my life felt such hate and bitterness, and I guess my pain radiated from me. They umm... They were almost distraught over it... me... and they tried to take it all away, but nothing worked. Nothing. I just drew even deeper into myself. So much so, that I don't remember anything after meeting your family... Seeing Mom... I think I actually did die again, because the next thing I remember is waking up in my grave... I umm... It took me awhile to figure out what had happened, but once I did all I could think about w-was getting to you." She started to sob even harder. "I knew if I c-could just get to you and tell you everything you would make it all better. B-But when I g-got there all I found was a burnt up building. I umm... I couldn't feel you. I-I thought you were dead. I c-couldn't feel you, and all that hate for the powers... God... It resurfaced. I was cold... so cold, Angel... And you wasn't there to warm me. I thought... I-I thought you were dead, and all I wanted was to die, too."

Angel's hands had been soothing her back, but upon hearing her words they stilled. "The car... The one that hit you. It didn't hit you by accident, did it, Buffy?"

"I don't know. I-I don't know." She buried her head in his chest as her tears began to flow even harder. "I don't r-remember. All I remember is thinking I wanted to die, and then n-nothing. E-Everything went black, and the next thing I r-remember after that is waking up in the hospital with Kyle sitting by my bed. But it doesn't stop there, Angel. You think y-you know the rest, but you don't. You don't. I've done some horrible things since Kyle's death. N-Not just to you and C-Conner, but to the others as well. A-And then there's the fact that I umm... I've killed someone. Two someones, Angel. I killed two humans. A-And I'm sorry, I'm s-so s-so sorry. I wasn't as strong as you. L-Losing you, and C-Conner... I didn't care. I really did want to die after that. I've practically welcomed death the last seven months. I didn't see the point in living anymore. I didn't want to live if it meant living without you. I just wanted to die. A-And I'm sorry. I wasn't as strong as you. I'm still not. That's why I want you to be sure..." She pulled back to look at him again. "I-It's not that I don't love you. I d-do. I love you so much, Angel. A-And I want to be with you more than anything, but I want you to be sure that it's what you want. That I'm what you want. I need to know that you can be happy with the person I am now before I can let you commit to me. I don't want you to end up being disappointed in me, or worse... hating me."

Angel reached up to cup her hands in her face. "I'm already comitted to you, Buffy. I have been since the moment I laid eyes on you the very first time coming down those stairs in front of your school. And I could never be disappointed in you. It doesn't matter to me who you are or what you've done. I can't judge you. I won't. Not when my past is a hell of a whole lot more checkered than yours. I love you. You, baby. And I could never hate you. Never. You're Buffy. My Buffy. And nothing will ever change that. Nothing."

"Oh, A-Angel..." Buffy started crying again.

"That's it. Let it out, Inouin." Angel pulled her back into his arms. "Let all that pain out. I'm right here. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with with me." His own tears began to fall along with hers, and they clung to each other until the subsided. Then and only then did he pull away to look at her. "Feel better?"

"Yes, but..."

"Shh..." His lips inched towards hers. "No buts, remember? We're together now and that's all that matters." And then he was kissing her, and he was right. Nothing else did matter as his healing hands began to bring her back to life. Angel loved Buffy with his heart, body, and soul. And by the time he became one with her there wasn't a doubt in her mind that by his side was where she truly belonged.

Their eyes locked and held as he filled her in one smooth stroke, and God it felt incredible. Beyond incredible Angel thought as he began to slowly move in and out of her. Heaven... This woman was his heaven... His everything... And he didn't hesitate to show her that. He made slow, sweet, tender love to her, and she gave everything she received back to him. She whispered words of love in his ear that if were possible would have made his dead heart explode in his chest, and drove him nearly to the edge. "Buffy... Gods, baby. I love you... I love you..." He cried out and told her over and over again as he went flying, soaring over the edge of ecstasy, and took her along with him...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I would like to thank Heather, Lou, Wendy, Briony, Kendra, Emma, Raven Raven, Carolyn, Linda, Christine, Hannahbee, Karin, Nikki, Isis Blue, Kolumbyne, Laura May, Al M., Emma, Kristen, Dragon Queen, Linda K., and Sylvie for their feedback on chapters 32 and 33. Thanks guys! This chapter is for all of you!

CHAPTER 34

"You didn't hurt him very badly, did you?" Buffy asked Angel a little while later as they lay in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

"I could have very easily killed him, but I didn't, Buffy."

"And his friends?"

"Destroyed. You were right. Their power source was in their chests. It wasn't hard to take them down once we knew that for sure."

Buffy couldn't help but shiver at the thought that her nightmare still wasn't over. That there was still someone out there that wanted to kill her. She didn't want to die. Not anymore.

Angel felt her tremble, and his arms tightened around her in reassurance. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I just..." She wanted to tell him. She did, but she felt now wasn't the time. "I umm... It's just hard to believe he turned out the way he did."

"I know." Angel murmured, and placed a kiss to her shoulder before spooning up against her even more.

"A-Are you sure he's gone?"

"Yes, baby. I'm sure. He won't be bothering you again and neither will his friends." It wasn't exactly the truth, but that's all Angel could think to tell her. There was no way in hell he was about to tell her that the boy wouldn't be going anywhere for a long long time because he really had nearly killed him for what he had done to her. That if it hadn't been for Conner he probably would have finished off the little prick. But he had been telling her the truth when he had told her that Finn wouldn't be bothering her again because there was no doubt in his mind that that was true. The boy now knew what would happen to him if he ever tried to so much as look at her again.

"I umm... Speaking of his friends. How did he... Did you find out where they came from? Is he still in the initiative? Are they in on this, too?"

"No. Well, at least he swears they're not. Apparantly he was still obsessed with being superhuman guy, but since he couldn't risk experimenting on himself for fear something would go wrong..."

"He built another Adam." Buffy concluded. "Or a more advanced version of Adam six times over, I should say."

"That's right. And once he found out that he could do it he didn't stop. His plans were to develop a whole new race of soldiers for the United States government, but he hadn't revealed his plans to anyone yet because he was waiting until he had used them to get you back before he did."

"I knew... That he was mixed up, I mean. Look at what he did..."

"What did he do, Buffy? I mean, really?"

"I-I told you what he did, Angel." She whispered.

"No, you didn't either." His arms tightened around her. "You told me what was necessary. That's it, Buffy. Now I want to know the rest."

"I don't know all of it, Angel. I don't know how he knew I was here or how he managed to get into the hospital under a different identity. The government, maybe. I don't know. All I know is that once he talked to me and realized I was remembering he had me moved to the institution."

"What happened once you got there?"

"I-I don't remember alot of it. The sh-shock therapy...the drugs... God, I don't even know what the hell he thought he was going to accomplish from it. He said he just wanted me back, but I don't know how in the hell he thought that would ever happen after what he did to me. I guess he figured I wouldn't remember that he was there...what he did... and was just waiting for the right moment to worm his way back into my life."

"And when you ended up back here in the same city as me he knew that right moment wasn't going to happen. He panicked. That's why he sent those... whatever the hell they were... after you. He didn't want you anywhere near me. Stupid fucker..."

"It didn't work, Angel." Buffy stroked his arm in reassurance. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes. And here is where you belong. But it kills me..." He buried his face in her hair. "What he did to you."

"I know." She murmured. "Why do you think I tried to keep you from finding out. Love makes you do the wacky, and you have a tendancy to get pretty wacked when it comes to me."

"And when exactly did you figure that out, and where was I when you did?"

"I've always known." She rolled over to face him. "I Just couldn't let you know that I knew because of the whole protecting you thing."

"You don't have to protect me, Buffy. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."

"Then I guess that means that I can protect myself. That I don't need you protecting me."

"What I'm doing's a little different, Buffy."

"How?" She met his gaze. "How is it any different than what I did?"

"He hurt you."

"He was trying to hurt you." She quickly pointed out. "He wanted to make me forget you all together, and then he planned to rub that and me in your face. But it didn't work, Angel. And it was because of you that it didn't. It was because I loved you that it didn't. But it doesn't matter. None of it matters now. Especially now that I know what else he was looking for. I would have gladly let him suck the life out of me before I would have ever told him about that day. About Conner. Do you have any idea what he might have done if he'd ever found out the truth?"

"Do you have any idea what I would have done to him I've I'd found out?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Why do you think I stopped you earlier tonight? Like I said before, you have a tendancy to get a little wacky when it comes to me."

"Can't help it." Angel growled, and gently rolled her over to face him. "You're my woman and no one messes with my woman." His lips curled up in a smile as he looked down at her. "But then again, in a way I can sympathize with him."

"Y-You can?" She asked, searching his face for a clue as to why he was saying what he was saying.

"Mmm..." He slowly ran his finger down the valley between her breasts before raising his dark orbs to hers again. "I happen to know firsthand just how insane you really can drive a person."

"AHH!" Buffy punched him in the chest. "I so do not believe you just said that, Angel! And if that was your idea of a joke it wasn't the least bit funny, so I suggest you go another two hundred and fifty years before you try it again." She rolled away from him, and her reaction made Angel chuckle. "Buffy... Baby, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. There wasn't any pun intended, I swear."

"I'll just bet there wasn't." She mumbled into her pillow.

"There wasn't..." He scooted up against her. "When I said that I could sympathize with him I meant that I know what it's like to love you and not be able to touch you. Crazy... It can drive a person crazy, Buffy. It drove me crazy."

"You can't go crazy from not having sex, Angel."

"You're right. You can't go crazy from not having sex. But you can go crazy from not being able to show the woman you love that you love her." He ground his erection up against her. "And I nearly did go crazy before I left Sunnydale, Buffy. When I was with you all I could think about was how much I wanted to touch you... love you... God, all I could think about was how much I wanted to lose myself in you." One of his hands moved to her moist center to re-awaken the sensitive nub hidden there. "And these last two weeks have been even worse for me because you were so close and yet so far away." He continued to languidly stroke her, building a fire inside her that she thought she would combust from. "Crazy, baby. I thought I would go crazy from wanting you, and I'm sure Riley probably felt the same way."

"A-Angel?" Buffy gasped, and her hand came around to clutch the back of his head as she arched into his ministrations. "Yes, sweetheart?" He whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. "C-Could we not talk about Riley right now."

"Why? Do you have something else you want to do instead?"

"Uh huh..." She said a little breathlessly.

"What is it? Tell me." He dipped a finger inside her wet core."Tell me what you want, baby."

"Love me." She whimpered. "I w-want you to l-love me."

"I do." He murmured as he brought one of her legs back and planted it around his hip before leaning her forward to open her up to him. "I love you so much, Buffy." As the words slipped from his lips he slowly filled her, joining them heart, body, and soul. And then he went about showing her just how much he really did love her all over again.

****

It was a dream come true. The fact that she woke up in his arms the next morning. More than a dream come true. And that was the whole problem. That's why she couldn't open her eyes to look at him. What if it really was a dream, or in her case a nightmare? Or worse... What if it was... She shivered as her train of thoughts hit her, and before she could stop them, they started. Tears. She was crying. Again... And that was finally what alerted him to the fact that she was awake. If she really was awake. God, please let her be awake. Please Please let this be real she silently prayed as she felt his body coccoon hers. "Shh..." He whispered as he reached up to catch her tears. "Don't cry, baby. It's real, I promise you. Just open and your eyes and look at me. I'm real, and I'm right here. I'll always be here. Forever, remember? That's the whole point. Come on now. Open your eyes and look at me."

"I can't..." Buffy sobbed. "I-I'm scared, Angel. I-I'm so scared. I-I'm so a-afraid that this is a d-dream. M-My being here w-with you. I'm s-so afraid it's a d-dream and I-I'm going to w-wake up any minute now, a-and I'll be alone again. O-Or worse... H-Hell... I'm so afraid that this h-hell. M-My hell. A-And that this is their idea of torture for m-me. G-Giving me the things I want more than anything in this world, only to take them away from me again. Th-That's why I-I'm so scared of this... You, m-me... Conner. I-I'm afraid it's not real."

"Buffy..." Angel pulled away enough to look at her. "Baby, I swear to you this is real. I'm real. And I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me."

"O-Okay..." She sobbed. "It's real... You're real. B-But what if..."

"Shh..." He brought his finger up to her lips to silence her. "No but's, remember?" He pulled her back into his arms. "We're going to make it this time, Buffy. There's not a doubt in my mind we will. But I won't lie to you either. I know it won't always be easy for us. I know there'll be trials and tribulations, but I believe with all my heart that we'll get through them, and we'll do it together. No one or nothing is going to stand in our way this time, Ionuin. I won't let them. I'm not giving up on us. Not again."

His words only brought more tears from her, and he simply soothed them away by making love to her again. And just before they both reached their points of true happiness did he finally manage to coax her to open her eyes, and the love she saw radiating from his was enough to convince her that it was real. That he was real, and was with her now. That he would always be with her from this moment on. And that in itself was enough to send them both soaring over the edge into ecstasy. Heaven... It was heaven plain and simple. And his words while he held her in the afterglow only confirmed it. Her Angel... Her dear, sweet Angel was here, and he was never letting her go again. "You know, I knew. That you were in heaven, I mean. I knew all along, and I assumed that everyone else knew, too." His hands caressed her naked back. "That's why when I found out what Willow had done I came close to killing her for being such an idiot to even think that you were in the process you somehow lost yourself, and you've been lost every since. Dead even."

A sob tore from Buffy's throat. "A-Angel..."

"Tell me." He reached up to catch her tears. "Tell me what happened to you after it happened, Buffy. You'll never heal, and we'll never be able to put the past behind us until you do." His gaze met hers again. "Please tell me, Buffy."

She nodded in understanding. "I umm... I ran away. That summer... I couldn't... The thought of staying there after I umm... The thought of staying there after what I did to you was unbearable so I ran away."

"Where did you go?"

"Here..." She choked out. "The City of Angels. I thought... I thought that maybe it would help me be closer to you somehow. Turns out I was close all right. Just not the kinda close I wanted to be. The dreams... visions... whatever they were they started the first night I was here." She shivered, and he instinctively pulled her closer. "I saw everything. What they did to you from the moment you arrived."

"You felt it too, didn't you?" He whispered into her hair, and she nodded. "I didn't sleep for weeks after that, but eventually my exhaustion caught up with me and I slipped off to nightmare land before I could stop myself. I think... I umm not sure how they knew, but somehow they sensed I was there and they umm... They used me to torture you. Horrible... The second time was worst than the first... When I umm... When I finally managed to wake up I swore I was never ever going back to sleep, but after a couple of more weeks once again my exhaustion caught up with me and that's how it went for the rest of the summer. I would go there, see you... see and feel what they did to you, and everytime I did I would feel a part of me die because you were dying. Not physically, but mentally... Mentally they were breaking you. I knew it. Saw it. Felt it. And it was killing me."

"Buffy..." Angel choked out and pulled back to look at her.

"Do you remember any of it?" She cut him off and searched his face.

Angel shook his head no. "Nothing. I just... I saw some of it in a dream a couple of weeks ago. That's how I found out about you, but that's all I do remember."

"Good." Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"Buffy..." Angel started to say, but she cut him off with a finger to his lips. "I don't want to talk about it anymore, Angel." Her eyes welled up. "Please. I just... It's in the past. All that matters is that you came back. You came back."

"Yes, I did. Because of you, Buffy. But in the end I ended up leaving again. In the end I ended up hurting you again."

"I understand why you did what you did, Angel."

"Do you?" This time he was the one searching her face.

"Yes." She leaned in to brush his lips with hers. "Now let it go."

"I will as soon as you do." He stated and wrapped his arms back around her.

Buffy nodded in understanding. "I umm... After you left Sunnydale I spent the entire summer at home. I didn't go anywhere except out on patrol. I thought things would get easier once school started, but I was wrong. It was horrible. Really horrible. Some gang of vamps took all my stuff and went through it. And the leader... She umm... She kicked my ass and broke the award I got at Prom. Then I got a roommate from hell that tried to suck my life force out of me. Willow and Oz were always off doing things with the older college crowd that they met when Oz and the Dingoes did campus parties back in high school, or they were just off doing other... stuff. Xander was working one dead end job after another, and I rarely seen him. It was horrible, Angel. School. My life. I didn't fit in anywhere, and I m-missed you so much. But I knew... I knew you wasn't coming back, and it tore at me. I hated myself for not being what you needed. That's why when I met... His name was Parker Abrams, and he was the first normal guy to come along. Or so I thought. I actually became a little obsessed with him. Practically fell at his feet. I wanted to get back at you for leaving, so I slept with him after our first date. When I woke up the next morning he wasn't there, and it was like... I was all alone with nothing but my thoughts, and it didn't take me long to figure out that all I did was fuck him. Especially after his true self popped up in the middle of our night after talk. He made me realize it was just fucking on both our parts. It wasn't love. I wasn't... I missed you. So much. And the pain... God, it hurt. So much. So much I think what was left of me started dying. I completely shut myself off from everyone after that. Giles... My mom... My friends. I became a total bitch to keep the pain away. That's why when I met Riley it was so easy to be with him. I didn't have a heart or soul anymore. You were right. I umm... I think my soul went to hell with you, and my heart left with you when you left Sunnydale. And I didn't want them back. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. That's why it was so easy to give myself to Riley. M-My body, I mean. I fucked him just like I did Parker. The only difference was that unlike Parker, he stuck around for more. A whole year's worth of more. But I never loved him. I never made love to him. Never."

"So you did lie to me when you told me you loved him and trusted him."

A sob tore from Buffy's throat. "Y-Yes. What I said... I told you th-that was angry, hurt, and jealous Buffy trying to get back at you for the whole Faith fiasco. I came here and saw that you had this great new life, and I was so hurt because you were having it without me. And it didn't help matters that you sided with her. That hurt me more than fucking Riley ever did."

"I didn't side with her, Buffy. I was giving her the same chance you gave me."

"I know that now, A-Angel." Buffy sniffled. "I do. I just... I told you I shut myself off. I was like that up until Riley left. I wouldn't let him share anything with me. When my mom got sick I wouldn't even let him hold me to comfort me. I couldn't even cry on his shoulder, and it didn't take him long to figure out why, and once he did he confronted me with it. Gave me an ultimatium of sorts. He wanted me to let go of you, and even though I denied that you were the reason I didn't love him...the reason I could never love him, he knew better. That's why he left. Still, even after he did leave I wasn't able to find myself. I was far from it actually. And it didn't help matters that my life was falling to pieces all around me. Mom was sick. I had just found out that Dawn was this great big ball of energy instead of my sister, and then there was Glory. I was all alone, and trying to carry it all on my shoulders. I was falling apart, but instead of asking for help... Instead of calling you like I wanted to... I just shut myself off even more. That was until you came to Sunnydale the night of mom's funeral." She met his beautiful orbs. "Do you remember what I asked you that night?"

Angel nodded, and reached up to smooth a lock of hair from her face.

"Well, I umm... I meant it. I-I wanted you to stay. I-I did. Just having you there for that little while made me happier than I had been since before you... I sent you to hell. Just having you there was enough for me to feel me again. I felt complete. But even though I did I couldn't ask you to stay. I knew the moment the words left my mouth it was selfish of me to even think of asking you. You w-were doing good here. Fulfilling your destiny, and I didn't want to take that away from you. Especially when I knew what I knew."

"You mean especially when you knew you were going to die?"

"Yes, but how..."

"You talked alot in Sunnydale... while you were unconscious." He pulled her closer. "So you knew. Why didn't you tell me that night?"

"Because I didn't want you there trying to play hero. I didn't want you seeing it when it happened, and it would have happened, Angel. Even if you had been there there was nothing you could have done to stop it. Besides, I told you. I didn't want to mess up your new life. And asking you to stay would have done that. I couldn't ask you to stay and walk away from everything you worked for to stay and start something with me that you and I both know we never would have been able to finish. It would have made things even harder on you."

"Is that the truth? Or is there something you don't want me to know. Like maybe you really did want to die?"

"I..." She opened her mouth to deny his accusation, but the look in his eyes was enough to urge her towards the truth. "O-Okay, I-I admit it. M-Maybe I did want to die. I was tired, Angel. So tired. I was tired of fighting for something that I felt was wasn't worth fighting for anymore. I mean, I knew... I knew you were out there... Alive. But it wasn't enough for me. I didn't have the strength left to fight anymore because it seemed like no matter how hard I fought the end result was always the same. In the end I never really won. It wasn't like I got the spoils like other victors. All I got was death. Yours... And then there was Dawnie's looming in the distance. Maybe I did want to die, but even if I hadn't wanted to there was nothing I could have done to stop it. It would have happened anyway. I knew that. I'd known for awhile. And I didn't find out in a dream like with The Master. It was just this gut feeling that came to me one day, and when the time came for it to happen I accepted it because it was inevitable."

"So the night of your Mom's funeral when you said what you said then took it back and told me to leave you were doing it to protect me more or less."

"Yes." Buffy buried her face in his chest to keep him from seeing her tears. "And when we kissed... Wh-When we kissed that was me saying goodbye because I knew I would never see you again."

"Buffy..." His own voice was laced with tears.

"No, Angel." She pulled away to look at him. "I need to tell you this." She swiped at her tears, and met his gaze again. "I umm... Spike once told me that every slayer has a death wish. He was right. There's no maybe to it anymore. I wanted to die. I was so tired of the pain, and I hoped that once I... I thought there might be something better out there. So that night... When we kissed... I took that time with you and I savored it. I said goodbye to you, and, and after you left... I don't know... If I wasn't already dead emotionally by then I think watching you leave again finally finished killing me. I kept telling myself that there was something wrong with me. I convinced myself that I sucked at the love thing. I mean, if I didn't why did everyone end up leaving me? I was a mess. A total mess, and Giles knew it. That's why he decided to send me on a quest to see my spirit guide. He thought it would help me regain my focus, but the truth is the only thing it did was seal the fate I already knew was coming. M-My spirit guide told me death was my gift, and it wasn't a very good thing to tell me at the time because it was exactly what I'd been thinking since Dracula came to town. I had convinced myself that all I did was bring death to those I loved. That when it came down to it, all I was was just a killer after all. And once I convinced myself to that fact I didn't want to slay anymore. I couldn't. Of course, I found out later on that I misinterpreted what my spirit guide meant. What she really meant when she said death was my gift was that the only way to receive that gift was by dying. And I did receive it, Angel. When I jumped into that portal... As I was falling to my death, and my life's essence was being drained out of me, I remembered. Th-That day... The day you were human. I remembered everything about it, and you were right. It was beautiful. So beautiful. It was the happiest day of my life. But as happy as I was to remember it, at the same time remembering it was bittersweet, too. I just... I was so devestated that the powers waited until then to let me remember. God, I was so bitter at them. I even hated them. And that hate and bitterness carried over into heaven."

"You wasn't happy there."

"Nope." She let out a bitter laugh. "I wanted something better, and if I couldn't have...I always thought heaven was the best anyone could ever get. Turns out I was wrong. Turns out heaven wasn't my heaven, and Father... God... He knew it. That's why he sent the powers to me to tell me about Conner. A-And don't for a second think that I wasn't happy about him. I was. It was a dream come true. You and me making a baby together. But at the same time it hurt me so much. I hated them even more for taking that day back... You... Conner. It made me feel unworthy of the both of you." Her eyes welled up with tears again. "I hated them, Angel. God, I hated them for making me feel that way. I felt like I was dying all over again. I have never in all my life felt such hate and bitterness, and I guess my pain radiated from me. They umm... They were almost distraught over it... me... and they tried to take it all away, but nothing worked. Nothing. I just drew even deeper into myself. So much so, that I don't remember anything after meeting your family... Seeing Mom... I think I actually did die again, because the next thing I remember is waking up in my grave... I umm... It took me awhile to figure out what had happened, but once I did all I could think about w-was getting to you." She started to sob even harder. "I knew if I c-could just get to you and tell you everything you would make it all better. B-But when I g-got there all I found was a burnt up building. I umm... I couldn't feel you. I-I thought you were dead. I c-couldn't feel you, and all that hate for the powers... God... It resurfaced. I was cold... so cold, Angel... And you wasn't there to warm me. I thought... I-I thought you were dead, and all I wanted was to die, too."

Angel's hands had been soothing her back, but upon hearing her words they stilled. "The car... The one that hit you. It didn't hit you by accident, did it, Buffy?"

"I don't know. I-I don't know." She buried her head in his chest as her tears began to flow even harder. "I don't r-remember. All I remember is thinking I wanted to die, and then n-nothing. E-Everything went black, and the next thing I r-remember after that is waking up in the hospital with Kyle sitting by my bed. But it doesn't stop there, Angel. You think y-you know the rest, but you don't. You don't. I've done some horrible things since Kyle's death. N-Not just to you and C-Conner, but to the others as well. A-And then there's the fact that I umm... I've killed someone. Two someones, Angel. I killed two humans. A-And I'm sorry, I'm s-so s-so sorry. I wasn't as strong as you. L-Losing you, and C-Conner... I didn't care. I really did want to die after that. I've practically welcomed death the last seven months. I didn't see the point in living anymore. I didn't want to live if it meant living without you. I just wanted to die. A-And I'm sorry. I wasn't as strong as you. I'm still not. That's why I want you to be sure..." She pulled back to look at him again. "I-It's not that I don't love you. I d-do. I love you so much, Angel. A-And I want to be with you more than anything, but I want you to be sure that it's what you want. That I'm what you want. I need to know that you can be happy with the person I am now before I can let you commit to me. I don't want you to end up being disappointed in me, or worse... hating me."

Angel reached up to cup her hands in her face. "I'm already comitted to you, Buffy. I have been since the moment I laid eyes on you the very first time coming down those stairs in front of your school. And I could never be disappointed in you. It doesn't matter to me who you are or what you've done. I can't judge you. I won't. Not when my past is a hell of a whole lot more checkered than yours. I love you. You, baby. And I could never hate you. Never. You're Buffy. My Buffy. And nothing will ever change that. Nothing."

"Oh, A-Angel..." Buffy started crying again.

"That's it. Let it out, Inouin." Angel pulled her back into his arms. "Let all that pain out. I'm right here. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with with me." His own tears began to fall along with hers, and they clung to each other until the subsided. Then and only then did he pull away to look at her. "Feel better?"

"Yes, but..."

"Shh..." His lips inched towards hers. "No buts, remember? We're together now and that's all that matters." And then he was kissing her, and he was right. Nothing else did matter as his healing hands began to bring her back to life. Angel loved Buffy with his heart, body, and soul. And by the time he became one with her there wasn't a doubt in her mind that by his side was where she truly belonged.

Their eyes locked and held as he filled her in one smooth stroke, and God it felt incredible. Beyond incredible Angel thought as he began to slowly move in and out of her. Heaven... This woman was his heaven... His everything... And he didn't hesitate to show her that. He made slow, sweet, tender love to her, and she gave everything she received back to him. She whispered words of love in his ear that if were possible would have made his dead heart explode in his chest, and drove him nearly to the edge. "Buffy... Gods, baby. I love you... I love you..." He cried out and told her over and over again as he went flying, soaring over the edge of ecstasy, and took her along with him...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I would like to thank Heather, Lou, Wendy, Briony, Kendra, Emma, Raven Raven, Carolyn, Linda, Christine, Hannahbee, Karin, Nikki, Isis Blue, Kolumbyne, Laura May, Al M., Emma, Kristen, Dragon Queen, Linda K., and Sylvie for their feedback on chapters 32 and 33. Thanks guys! This chapter is for all of you!

CHAPTER 34

"You didn't hurt him very badly, did you?" Buffy asked Angel a little while later as they lay in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

"I could have very easily killed him, but I didn't, Buffy."

"And his friends?"

"Destroyed. You were right. Their power source was in their chests. It wasn't hard to take them down once we knew that for sure."

Buffy couldn't help but shiver at the thought that her nightmare still wasn't over. That there was still someone out there that wanted to kill her. She didn't want to die. Not anymore.

Angel felt her tremble, and his arms tightened around her in reassurance. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I just..." She wanted to tell him. She did, but she felt now wasn't the time. "I umm... It's just hard to believe he turned out the way he did."

"I know." Angel murmured, and placed a kiss to her shoulder before spooning up against her even more.

"A-Are you sure he's gone?"

"Yes, baby. I'm sure. He won't be bothering you again and neither will his friends." It wasn't exactly the truth, but that's all Angel could think to tell her. There was no way in hell he was about to tell her that the boy wouldn't be going anywhere for a long long time because he really had nearly killed him for what he had done to her. That if it hadn't been for Conner he probably would have finished off the little prick. But he had been telling her the truth when he had told her that Finn wouldn't be bothering her again because there was no doubt in his mind that that was true. The boy now knew what would happen to him if he ever tried to so much as look at her again.

"I umm... Speaking of his friends. How did he... Did you find out where they came from? Is he still in the initiative? Are they in on this, too?"

"No. Well, at least he swears they're not. Apparantly he was still obsessed with being superhuman guy, but since he couldn't risk experimenting on himself for fear something would go wrong..."

"He built another Adam." Buffy concluded. "Or a more advanced version of Adam six times over, I should say."

"That's right. And once he found out that he could do it he didn't stop. His plans were to develop a whole new race of soldiers for the United States government, but he hadn't revealed his plans to anyone yet because he was waiting until he had used them to get you back before he did."

"I knew... That he was mixed up, I mean. Look at what he did..."

"What did he do, Buffy? I mean, really?"

"I-I told you what he did, Angel." She whispered.

"No, you didn't either." His arms tightened around her. "You told me what was necessary. That's it, Buffy. Now I want to know the rest."

"I don't know all of it, Angel. I don't know how he knew I was here or how he managed to get into the hospital under a different identity. The government, maybe. I don't know. All I know is that once he talked to me and realized I was remembering he had me moved to the institution."

"What happened once you got there?"

"I-I don't remember alot of it. The sh-shock therapy...the drugs... God, I don't even know what the hell he thought he was going to accomplish from it. He said he just wanted me back, but I don't know how in the hell he thought that would ever happen after what he did to me. I guess he figured I wouldn't remember that he was there...what he did... and was just waiting for the right moment to worm his way back into my life."

"And when you ended up back here in the same city as me he knew that right moment wasn't going to happen. He panicked. That's why he sent those... whatever the hell they were... after you. He didn't want you anywhere near me. Stupid fucker..."

"It didn't work, Angel." Buffy stroked his arm in reassurance. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes. And here is where you belong. But it kills me..." He buried his face in her hair. "What he did to you."

"I know." She murmured. "Why do you think I tried to keep you from finding out. Love makes you do the wacky, and you have a tendancy to get pretty wacked when it comes to me."

"And when exactly did you figure that out, and where was I when you did?"

"I've always known." She rolled over to face him. "I Just couldn't let you know that I knew because of the whole protecting you thing."

"You don't have to protect me, Buffy. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."

"Then I guess that means that I can protect myself. That I don't need you protecting me."

"What I'm doing's a little different, Buffy."

"How?" She met his gaze. "How is it any different than what I did?"

"He hurt you."

"He was trying to hurt you." She quickly pointed out. "He wanted to make me forget you all together, and then he planned to rub that and me in your face. But it didn't work, Angel. And it was because of you that it didn't. It was because I loved you that it didn't. But it doesn't matter. None of it matters now. Especially now that I know what else he was looking for. I would have gladly let him suck the life out of me before I would have ever told him about that day. About Conner. Do you have any idea what he might have done if he'd ever found out the truth?"

"Do you have any idea what I would have done to him I've I'd found out?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Why do you think I stopped you earlier tonight? Like I said before, you have a tendancy to get a little wacky when it comes to me."

"Can't help it." Angel growled, and gently rolled her over to face him. "You're my woman and no one messes with my woman." His lips curled up in a smile as he looked down at her. "But then again, in a way I can sympathize with him."

"Y-You can?" She asked, searching his face for a clue as to why he was saying what he was saying.

"Mmm..." He slowly ran his finger down the valley between her breasts before raising his dark orbs to hers again. "I happen to know firsthand just how insane you really can drive a person."

"AHH!" Buffy punched him in the chest. "I so do not believe you just said that, Angel! And if that was your idea of a joke it wasn't the least bit funny, so I suggest you go another two hundred and fifty years before you try it again." She rolled away from him, and her reaction made Angel chuckle. "Buffy... Baby, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. There wasn't any pun intended, I swear."

"I'll just bet there wasn't." She mumbled into her pillow.

"There wasn't..." He scooted up against her. "When I said that I could sympathize with him I meant that I know what it's like to love you and not be able to touch you. Crazy... It can drive a person crazy, Buffy. It drove me crazy."

"You can't go crazy from not having sex, Angel."

"You're right. You can't go crazy from not having sex. But you can go crazy from not being able to show the woman you love that you love her." He ground his erection up against her. "And I nearly did go crazy before I left Sunnydale, Buffy. When I was with you all I could think about was how much I wanted to touch you... love you... God, all I could think about was how much I wanted to lose myself in you." One of his hands moved to her moist center to re-awaken the sensitive nub hidden there. "And these last two weeks have been even worse for me because you were so close and yet so far away." He continued to languidly stroke her, building a fire inside her that she thought she would combust from. "Crazy, baby. I thought I would go crazy from wanting you, and I'm sure Riley probably felt the same way."

"A-Angel?" Buffy gasped, and her hand came around to clutch the back of his head as she arched into his ministrations. "Yes, sweetheart?" He whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. "C-Could we not talk about Riley right now."

"Why? Do you have something else you want to do instead?"

"Uh huh..." She said a little breathlessly.

"What is it? Tell me." He dipped a finger inside her wet core."Tell me what you want, baby."

"Love me." She whimpered. "I w-want you to l-love me."

"I do." He murmured as he brought one of her legs back and planted it around his hip before leaning her forward to open her up to him. "I love you so much, Buffy." As the words slipped from his lips he slowly filled her, joining them heart, body, and soul. And then he went about showing her just how much he really did love her all over again.

****

It was a dream come true. The fact that she woke up in his arms the next morning. More than a dream come true. And that was the whole problem. That's why she couldn't open her eyes to look at him. What if it really was a dream, or in her case a nightmare? Or worse... What if it was... She shivered as her train of thoughts hit her, and before she could stop them, they started. Tears. She was crying. Again... And that was finally what alerted him to the fact that she was awake. If she really was awake. God, please let her be awake. Please Please let this be real she silently prayed as she felt his body coccoon hers. "Shh..." He whispered as he reached up to catch her tears. "Don't cry, baby. It's real, I promise you. Just open and your eyes and look at me. I'm real, and I'm right here. I'll always be here. Forever, remember? That's the whole point. Come on now. Open your eyes and look at me."

"I can't..." Buffy sobbed. "I-I'm scared, Angel. I-I'm so scared. I-I'm so a-afraid that this is a d-dream. M-My being here w-with you. I'm s-so afraid it's a d-dream and I-I'm going to w-wake up any minute now, a-and I'll be alone again. O-Or worse... H-Hell... I'm so afraid that this h-hell. M-My hell. A-And that this is their idea of torture for m-me. G-Giving me the things I want more than anything in this world, only to take them away from me again. Th-That's why I-I'm so scared of this... You, m-me... Conner. I-I'm afraid it's not real."

"Buffy..." Angel pulled away enough to look at her. "Baby, I swear to you this is real. I'm real. And I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me."

"O-Okay..." She sobbed. "It's real... You're real. B-But what if..."

"Shh..." He brought his finger up to her lips to silence her. "No but's, remember?" He pulled her back into his arms. "We're going to make it this time, Buffy. There's not a doubt in my mind we will. But I won't lie to you either. I know it won't always be easy for us. I know there'll be trials and tribulations, but I believe with all my heart that we'll get through them, and we'll do it together. No one or nothing is going to stand in our way this time, Ionuin. I won't let them. I'm not giving up on us. Not again."

His words only brought more tears from her, and he simply soothed them away by making love to her again. And just before they both reached their points of true happiness did he finally manage to coax her to open her eyes, and the love she saw radiating from his was enough to convince her that it was real. That he was real, and was with her now. That he would always be with her from this moment on. And that in itself was enough to send them both soaring over the edge into ecstasy. Heaven... It was heaven plain and simple. And his words while he held her in the afterglow only confirmed it. Her Angel... Her dear, sweet Angel was here, and he was never letting her go again. "You know, I knew. That you were in heaven, I mean. I knew all along, and I assumed that everyone else knew, too." His hands caressed her naked back. "That's why when I found out what Willow had done I came close to killing her for being such an idiot to even think that you were in hell. I hated her. Because I knew that the only hell you were in was the one she brought you back to. But you know something, Buffy? I can't hate her anymore because she was only doing what was supposed to be done.."

"W-What?" Buffy pulled away to look at him. "What do you mean she was doing what was supposed to be done, Angel?"

"I'd tell you, but I don't think you're ready to hear it, Buffy." When Buffy opened her mouth to argue with him, he simply kissed the argument away. "You're not ready to hear it, baby. Not yet. Just trust me when I tell you that there was other powers at work than just her, and that this is where you you're supposed to be. I mean, just think about it, Buffy. Out of all the people in the world you could have saved in that alley that night you saved our son. Our son. He told me he didn't think it was a coincidence and now there's not a doubt in my mind that he was right. There's not a doubt in my mind that someone up there was trying to knock some sense into my head, and finally after months of being a fucking idiot they finally did. It was meant for you to find him... us... again. And I know it's hard for you to believe that right now. That it's hard for you to believe that this is real... That it's not hell... But in time I hope you'll see it... your being here, the way I see it. The way our son sees it. You were meant to be with us, Buffy. I believe that with all my heart... Know it... And if it takes me forever to convince you of that then so be it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to prove to you that this is real. That what we have is real, and someday I'm even going to make you happy again. Truly happy." His words only brought more tears from her, and he held her through the entire storm, and was still holding her when she finally managed to find her voice again. "A-Angel?"

"Yes, beloved?" He kissed the top of her head.

"Y-You did good with him. C-Conner, I mean. Y-You raised him right."

Angel swallowed against the lump in his throat, and tightened his arms around her. "It wasn't always easy."

"I know." She sniffled. "H-He told me. And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. It must have hurt like hell when you thought you had lost him."

"It did. It was like losing you all over again."

She pulled back to look at him. "B-But you made it through it."

"He came back." Angel lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the inside of her palm. "And so did you. And now we're together, the three of us, and that's all that matters."

"A-Angel..." Buffy's eyes welled up with tears again.

"Shh..." He silenced her with a tender kiss. "We're going to make it through this. We're going to find out who's after you, and we're going to put a stop to it so that you and I, and Conner, can have that life you and I always wanted." He threaded his hands through her hair. "And you know what we'll do first? We'll start that new life with you and I doing all those things we couldn't do before. We'll go on picnics in the park, and make love in the sunlight." He leaned down to feather a kiss across her lips. "And we'll take Conner to Disney World so he can throw up on the roller coaster..."

Buffy couldn't help but giggle. "Uhh, honey... D-Don't you think he's a little too old to go to Disney World? I-I mean, he's uhh... He's having sex now, and with umm... He's having sex."

Angel's eyes locked with hers. "It bothers you, doesn't it? The fact that he's with Cordelia, I mean."

"It's not any of m-my business who he umm..." She mumbled, and looked away. "It's not any of my business."

"Yes, it is, Buffy. You're his mother."

"I-I'm not..." She started to say, but he cut her off by turning her around to face him again.

"Don't..." He locked dark orbs with hers. "You are his mother, Buffy. Just ask him, and he'll tell you. In fact, he pretty much did last night when he called you Mom." He reached up to cup her face in his hands. "You are his mother, baby. If he didn't believe that he wouldn't have called you that last night. He was never able to call Darla that, and now that I... we... know why, it explains alot. It explains why he loves you just as much as I do. The connection between the two of you. And if you're worried you'll lose him, don't. He may have another woman in his life, but no matter what you will always be the most important thing to him. He made that plain and clear to Cordelia from day one, and she has accepted it. So have I."

Buffy broke into a smile. A real geniune smile, for the first time in God knew how long, and it took Angel's unneeded breath away. "You really thought I was in love with him, didn't you?"

"You didn't exactly give me a reason to think otherwise."

"Uh huh..." She started giggling again. "Must have been a real bitch to think about me and him... Well, you know?"

"Worse." Angel muttered, and buried his face in her hair "Hell... It was hell, Buffy."

Buffy pulled him closer, and wrapped her arms around him. "My poor, poor baby." She started giggling again, and stroked his shoulders. "You never were good at the jealousy thing."

"It's not funny, Buffy. If you knew how many nights I laid awake thinking... Hell, it was hell. Worse than hell." Came his muffled response.

"Then we're even." She pulled back to look at him. "Because it was hell for me, too. Thinking about you and Cordelia..."

"But I didn't... I mean, Cordy and I haven't... Not since I laid eyes on you again. And then in Sunnydale..." His own eyes welled up again. "You don't know, Buffy. How hard it was for me to leave you that morning after I woke up with you in my arms. It was a dream come true, but at the same time..."

"You felt guilty about it." She finished for him. "You thought you had taken advantage of me because of the condition I was in, and it didn't help matters that I just blew it off like nothing had happened."

He nodded, too choked up to speak at first. "I made love to you that night. It wasn't..."

"I know." She cut him off. "I just... I was hurting. I woke up alone, and then there was the fact that I had pretty much pieced everything together, and figured out I was in trouble. I needed to get you and Conner as far away from me as possible so I pretended that it didn't mean anything." She reached up to caress his cheek. "I'm sorry, I hurt you. Can you forgive me?"

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips. "I think the question here is can you forgive me? For being such a fucking idiot, I mean. For saying the things I said. For leaving you..."

"There's nothing to forgive. All is right with the world now." She smiled at him. "You love me and I love you, and we have our son. And soon we'll have..." She realized what she was about to say, and stopped. But if she thought he was too focused on her to catch her slip, she was wrong. "And soon we'll have what?"

"N-Nothing. It was nothing." The smile faded from Buffy's face, and Angel didn't miss that either. "Buffy? What is it? What aren't you telling me?"

"I told you it was nothing, Angel." She sat up in the bed, clutching the bed covers to her naked chest as she did.

"You're lying, Buffy." He sat up beside her. "There is something. Something you obviously don't want me to know, and I told you before that there isn't anything you can't tell me. Come on now. Talk to me. The last thing we need is to start our new lives off with more secrets between us."

God, she wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. How could she tell him she was pregnant when she was too afraid to believe it herself? And then there was the fact that this latest crisis was looming over their heads. She couldn't tell him. If something happened... She couldn't tell him. Not yet anyway. Not until she was sure it was true, and everything was going to be okay. "I umm... I just... it's hard." She glanced over her shoulder at him. "To look forward to a future when you're not sure you're going to have one."

"Everything's going to be okay, baby. I promise you. Do you believe that?"

"I umm..." She looked away from him again. "I want to."

"Then believe it." He scooted closer to her, and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Believe that I love you, and that I'm not going to let anything happen to you. We are going to have a future together, and I'm going to make you happy. So happy." He placed a kiss to her shoulder then stood up in all his glory. "Now get up."

"W-What?" Buffy looked up at him in surprise.

"Up, Buffy. Get up." Angel reached for his pants. "We're about to start our future together, and we have alot to do to get started. But first, before we do, you and I both need to eat."

Buffy opened her mouth to tell him she wasn't hungry, but the look in his eyes sent her snapping it shut. "Don't. Don't you dare tell me you're not hungry because I know better, Buffy. You've hardly eaten anything since you've been here, and you need to eat. You're too damn skinny."

"Well, you wasn't complaining last night about my being too damn skinny. Unless, of course, you just didn't say anything." She met his gaze again. "Is that it?. Is that why you're in such a rush to fatten me up? Did I not..."

Angel had only managed to get one leg in his pants when his eyes shot back up to meet hers. "Buffy, baby. I spent the entire night making love to you. Now does that sound like you don't do anything for me?"

"I don't know." She worried her bottom lip. "You tell me?"

"I did not fuck you last night, Buffy. I made love to you. And there is a difference between the two. A very big difference. All you have to do is look at me and I want you with everything that's inside of me. One look, Buffy. That's all it takes. And I want you completely. Heart, body, and soul." He leaned down to feather a kiss across her lips then pulled away. "I wasn't kidding the other night when I told you I'm crazy about you. I am, baby." He locked eyes with her. "So crazy that it makes me happy just to be able to watch you eat and sleep. And it does make me happy to watch you do those things because I know, Buffy. I know those simple everday things that other people take for granted aren't so simple for you. I know they've been a chore for you since the day you were called. That's why I want to do this. Cook for you. Watch you eat. I don't want it to be a chore anymore. I want it to be a part of our everyday lives. A part I intend to enjoy every second of. Now get up."

Buffy laid back on the floor. "I'll get up just as soon as you come and get me."

"Do you think I won't?" He smirked.

"Actually..." She threw back the blankets to completely expose her naked form to him. "I'm counting on it. Especially now after all those sweet things you just said to me. It kind makes me all warm and tingly inside."

"Buffy..." Angel's eyes darkened as his gaze traveled over her before returning to her face. "Breakfast..."

"Later... I'll eat later, but right now I just want to be with you. You yourself said that this was the first day of the rest of our lives together. Don't you think we should spend it catching up?" She patted the space beside her, and grinned up at him seductively. "Well?"

"See. This is what I meant when I said you drive me crazy." He muttered. "How am I supposed to refuse you when you're laying there looking at me like that?"

"You don't." She wiggled a finger at him. "Now come back to bed, lover. Let me finish driving you crazy."

That was all the invitation Angel needed. With a growl he returned to the makeshift bed, and Buffy very happily proceeded to do exactly what she said she we do. She drove him crazy. Beyond crazy...

****

"Come on, baby. Just one more bite. Please."

"No."

"Pretty please..."

"No, Angel. If I do I swear I'll explode."

"Oh, God! I knew it!" A voice groaned from the kitchen doorway. "I knew when they got back together this would happen. Their having sex, Conner. Sex in the kitchen, and it's probably on the table where we eat!"

"Their not having sex, Cordy." Conner laughed as he stared at the couple in question over the top of Cordelia's head.

"Are you sure?" Cordelia asked as she peeked up at him.

"Yes, he's sure, Cordelia." Angel muttered. "Buffy and I are having a late breakfast, and if you want some you'd better get your tail in here and get it because I'm not making anymore."

Cordelia slowly turned around to find Angel sitting at the kitchen table with Buffy in his lap. "Question. If you're not having sex then why is she sitting in your lap?"

"I don't think that's any of your business, Cordelia." Buffy replied coolly as she took the plate in Angel's hands, and left his lap to put it in the kitchen sink.

"O-Kay. I'm sensing the artic air your blowing is aimed at me, Buffy." Cordelia stated. "And the only thing I can say to you is get over it."

"Cordy..." Conner grabbed her arm.

"No, Conner." Cordelia shook his hand off, and dared a peek at Angel before returning her gaze to Buffy's stiff back. "I am not going to explain anything to her. I don't give a shit if she is your mother. What happened happened, and if anything good came out of it it's that Angel and I both came out of it even stronger people than what we were before. We both came out of it still friends... Best friends... And we came out of it knowing that we could never love each other the way we love the people we're with now." She sighed. "He loves you, Buffy. You, not me. He's always loved you and he always will. You're his true soulmate, and me..." She turned around to look at Conner. "I'm your son's soulmate." She turned back to Buffy. "I love Conner very much. I'm his soulmate, and if I'm not mistaken I think that makes us family, so I suggest you get over whatever resentment you have towards me because I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh, great!" Buffy muttered, and turned around to look at her. "It's my worst nightmare come true. Cordelia Chase and I are family."

"Oh, you love it and you know it." Cordelia smirked.

"Oh no, no loving here."Buffy vigorously shook her head. "I don't love you. In fact, I don't even like you." She said. That was until she caught a glimpse of Conner's face, and then she was quickly trying to fix things. "B-But I'll try. T-To like you, I mean. M-Maybe just a little. F-For C-Conner and A-Angel's sake."

"Right. For Conner and Angel's sake." Cordelia repeated. "And who knows maybe in time you'll like me enough to let me help you spend all that money you have."

"Cordelia..." Conner groaned.

"What?" She turned around to look at him. "What did I say? The girl has bukoos of money, and it's not like she can spend all of it in this lifetime. Besides, I know she used to love to shop just as much as I did... do. What's wrong with my inviting myself along to shop with her. You know I never pass up a chance to shop." She turned around and headed for the stove. "Or eat free food either."

"That still doesn't mean that you should go and invite yourself along or to suggest that Buffy... M..."

"Rodeo Drive?" Buffy suddenly cut Conner off and asked.

"What?" Cordelia spun away from the stove to look at her.

"Do you want to hit Rodeo Drive first, Cordelia? On this shopping spree we're going on..." She shot a peek at Angel, and even though she couldn't see all his face she could tell he was scowling. "W-When I'm outta danger and the warden gives me a get out of prison free card, that is?"

"God damnit, Buffy!" Angel slammed a hand down on the table. "How many times do I have to drill it into your thick head that this is not a prison. It's your home." He jumped up and spun around to look at her. "Your home, Buffy!"

"I was joking, Angel." Buffy stated as she calmly leaned back against the sink.

"W-What?" He blinked in surprise as he stared at her.

"What I said was a joke." She locked eyes with him. "You know, as in ha ha very funny."

"You were joking." Angel's face softened. "Really?"

"Really." She met his gaze again. "My home is wherever you are, and since that's here I guess that makes this home. O-Or at least it will be home just as soon as we buy a bed. Sleeping on the floor with you is nice, but I don't think my back can take long term. In case you haven't noticed I'm not as young as I used to be. I need a nice comfy bed. Preferrably king size since you're a bed hog."

"I am not a bed hog." Angel denied. "You're the bed hog. And it's probably a good thing we were in the floor the last two nights because that's where I would have ended up anyway."

Buffy opened her mouth to retort to his comment, but Conner cut her off before she got the chance. "Excuse me for interrupting, guys but I can't help but ask what happened to the bed in Dad's... your room? Especially since the last time I was in there there was a bed. And okay, I can't believe I just asked that. Never mind. I really don't want to know what happened to it. It's not any of my business." He moved to the kitchen table to sit down. "I'm just glad to see the two of you joking with each other instead of yelling at each other like you hate each other. I really didn't want to be the product of a messy divorce." He looked up to find his parents both turned around and now staring at him. "So does this mean what I think it means? Are you two back together? Because from where I'm sitting I would have to say no even though the vibes I'm getting from the two of you say differently."

"Oh, come on, Conner." Cordelia turned away from the stove with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in hand. "Of course, they're back together. She was sitting in his lap in his shirt when we walked in, and let's not forget the fact that they just spent the last two nights together boning like there's no tomorrow. If that doesn't prove to you that their back together then I don't know what will."

"They're not back together, Cordy." Conner stated, turning in his chair to look at her.

"I beg to differ. Just open your eyes, and take a good look. See what I see, Conner." Cordelia came over to sit down beside him. "Trust me. They're back together, and pretty soon they'll be just as nauseating as they were back in the old days before you ever existed."

"They're not back together, Cordelia. If they were she would be wearing her ring, and she's not."

Buffy, who had been standing, listening to the entire conversation, suddenly lifted her hand and waved. "Hello? The she in question is standing right here. And so is the other party involved. Ever thought of asking them if they're back together?"

"I did, remember?" Conner turned to look at Buffy. "And the she in question didn't answer me so I assume she's still not speaking to me."

"Conner..." Buffy took a step towards him. "Baby, I'm not..." She suddenly halted in her tracks when she saw him flinch at her words. "Jesus, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I forgot you don't like for me... I'm sorry. I had no right." She spun away from him and collided with Angel, but she refused to look at him, not even after Conner's voice broke the tense silence. "Dad..." He met Angel's gaze over the top of Buffy's head, and Angel nodded in understanding. "Get your plate and let's go, Cordy."

"What?" Cordelia's asked through a mouthful of eggs.

"I said get your plate and let's go. Conner and Buffy need to talk. Alone."

"Talk. Right." Cordelia looked back and forth at Buffy and Conner before grabbing her plate and standing up. "You two should talk. Alone. And Angel and I will just go... talk ourselves. Isn't that right, Angel?"

Angel nodded and looked down at the woman standing in front of him. "Buffy..." When she still refused to look up at him, he used his index finger to tilt her face up to his. "Remember what I said. Just listen to him, Okay?"

"But..." She looked up at him through pained eyes. "Shh... No buts, remember?" Angel leaned down to kiss her. "I'll be in my office if you need me." He brushed another kiss across her lips and then he was gone, leaving her alone with their son. "So..." Conner murmured.

Buffy took a deep breath for courage then turned around to face him. "So..."

"You never answered my question." He met her gaze. "Are you and Dad back together?"

"We're back together as much as we can be back together at this moment."

"What do you mean by as much as you can be at this moment?"

"In case you've forgotten I sorta have death hovering over my head right now, Conner."

"You're not going to..."

"Don't, Conner..." Buffy held up her hand to cut him off. "Just listen, okay?"

He nodded, and watched as she came over to sit down in the chair across the table from him. "You're such a strong person, Conner. And I don't just mean physically. I mean emotionally, too. You took that after your father. And you have no idea how thankful I am that you did. That you took that after him and not..." She looked down at her hands. "I'm so thankful that you took that after him. And that in ways you're even stronger than he is. That's why I'm about to say this to you as much as it pains me to. I need you to be the strong person in this family, Conner. I need you to do it for me and for your father." She looked back up at him. "As you know my track record with death isn't very good, and the odds that I'll survive this latest round with death are very slim. So slim that I'd rather stall your father and tell him that the reason we can't be together the way he wants right now is because I want him to be absolutely positive it's what he really wants instead of coming out and telling him that the real reason is because I'm afraid I'm going to die and leave him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your father is a dumbass for not knowing that. He knows. Deep down he knows there's a good chance I might not make it, but while he does rather than have to deal with the pain he may be facing if it should happen he would rather live in denial that it won't and take what time we have left and make the most of it. That's my Angel. That's what I love so much about him. Always taking care of me physically and emotionally no matter what it's toll is on him. But as much as I do love him for it, I know it's not very realistic. That's why I won't commit to him. I can't let him put his ring back on my finger because I know when the time comes he won't be able to take it back off. And he would have to, Conner. He would have to because I would want him to give it to you. I would want you to have it so you can carry on the family tradition."

"And Dad wouldn't be able to do as you asked because it would kill him. To have to see someone else wear it even if it was his own son's soulmate? Because it would be a reminder of what he lost."

Buffy nodded through her tears. "I know I told you in my letter that the reason I was giving you the ring was because I couldn't stand the thought of him giving it to anyone else, but the truth is I knew... I knew he would never do that. The truth is I thought I wasn't coming back. Not alive anyway, and I couldn't bare the thought of hurting him by giving the ring back to him when I knew... I wanted you to have it. So you could continue the family tradition, and I did it because I know he's not as strong as everyone thinks he is. That's why I'm telling you this now. If something does happen to me... He'll need you, and as much as it kills me to ask you to do it, I'm going to ask you to anyway. I need you to be the one to look after him. I worry that he might... I worry. I need you to be strong for him... for me... because I need soemone to see to it that he reaches me in the afterworld. I need you to see to it that he reaches me because you're the only one that really understands how important it is to me that he does. Do you understand?"

Conner nodded through his tears. "You want always and forever."

"Yeah, I do." She murmured, getting a far away look in her eyes. "That would be nice. Better than nice. Heaven... That would be my heaven." She snapped out of her reverie to lock eyes with him. "With you included, of course."

"Of course..." Conner smiled sadly, and the sight of it caused Buffy's eyes to pool again. "Conner..." She reached across the table to take his hand. "I do love you. So much. Do you believe that?"

"Yes." He choked out. "That's why I don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why you can love me like I'm your child, but you won't let me love you like you're my mother. Is it the age thing?"

"W-What?"

"The age thing? Does it bother you that your child is only a few years younger than you? Are you ashamed of the whole situation? Of being called a freak? Or are you just ashamed of me period?"

"God, no. Conner..." Buffy swiped at her tears. "That is not it at all, baby." When she saw him flinch again, she squeezed his hand. "I love you, Conner. More than I think you'll ever really know. You're my life. You and you're father. And he wasn't lying the other night when he said you were created in love. You were. Love beyond belief. And when I found out about you... that your father and I had created you from our love... G-God, you have no idea how happy I was. How much I wanted to see you and hold you. How much I wanted to be..."

"My mother." He finished for her.

"Y-Yes." Buffy started sobbing, and pulled her hand away. "G-God help me, yes. I wanted to be your mother. I-I did. I wanted that more than anything. I still want that."

"Then do it." Conner urged her. "Be my mother, Buffy."

"No. No." She buried her face in her arms on the table as sobs began to wrack her body. "I can't. I don't deserve to be your mother. I couldn't even give you life."

At her words Conner rose from his seat and came around to squat down beside her chair. "So what, Buffy... Mom... You didn't give me life. Big fucking deal. There are lots of women in this world that have to get other women to carry a child for them because they can't give that child life themselves. Do you honestly think that just because they did they love that child any less? Do you love me any less just because Darla carried me?"

"N-No." She raised her tear stained face to look at him. "I never got the chance to see you before they umm... I never saw you, but I didn't have to. I knew I loved you no matter what. It was me... I hated myself. I still hate myself, and you should hate me, too."

Conner reached up to brush a lock of hair from her forehead. "Well, I'm sorry, but I can't hate you. Especially now." His own eyes welled up again. "Jesus, Buffy... Mom... Do you have any idea what it was like for me? To know and be told that you were the product of dark despair. And trust me when I say that that's what I've felt like all these years. Don't get me wrong, I know now that Dad loved me from the beginning. But it took me a long time to figure that out, and part of the reason is what I just told you. I thought I was the product of Dad's darkest despair. That there wasn't any love whatsoever. That he was incapable of loving. Hell, Holtz raised me to believe that demons weren't capable of love, and you have no idea what him telling me that done to me. But now..." He swiped at his tears with the back of his hand. "Now it's different. Now I know better. Now I know that I was created in love. A love beyond belief. And that the other person that helped create me with that love is here and alive and that not only is she my mother she's my best friend, too..." He raised his own tear streaked face to hers. "I love you, Buffy... Mom... I love you And I don't care if you don't think you're worthy to be my mother or not. All that matters is what I think. And I happen to think you make me one hell of a mom, and from now on that's what I plan to call you."

"Oh, C-Conner..." Buffy began to sob even harder, and Conner couldn't take seeing her like that so he pulled her into his arms. "Shh..." He began to stroke her hair. "Don't cry, Mom. It's not good for you. You or the baby..."

"W-What?" Buffy pulled away to look at him. "I-I mean, h-how did..."

Conner broke into a grin. "Earlier when you called me baby I was picking up something from you. A sound... One that seemed vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite figure out why I was or what it was. And just a second ago when you called me baby again it was the same thing. I was picking up on it again, and then suddenly it just clicked. I remembered. Why the sound I was picking up from you seemed so familiar. It was the sound of a heartbeat. My heartbeat. I remember what it sounded like listening to my own heartbeat in Darla's womb, and I knew then that what I was picking up from you was the same thing. A baby. You're going to have a baby. You're pregnant. I can hear the life inside of you. It's only a couple of days old. Which explains why it's heartbeat is so faint. Still, it's strong. Really strong. You're pregnant, Mom. I know it. But what I don't know is how you knew. Isn't it a little earlier yet for you to know?"

"Lorne told me. He picked up on it's aura like you did it's... Your father... He doesn't... didn't..." She quickly dashed the tears on her cheeks away. "H-Her? H-How do you know... How come you heard umm... How come you heard and your father hasn't?"

"Because he only sees the possible."

"Huh?" Buffy's confusion made Conner chuckle. "When Dad looks at you he sees a future with you, but not that kind of future. He thinks that as long as he's a vampire the possibility of having children with you is impossible. Therefore he doesn't see what's in right in front of his face."

"Okay, I get what you're saying..." Buffy eyed him warily. "But then again I don't. Yes, he's a vampire, and we all know vampires can't father children, but what about his vampire senses? Shouldn't he be able to pick up on what you picked up on?"

"How do you know he didn't or hasn't?"

"Because if he had he and I would be in Vegas right about now." She muttered.

"Huh?" This time it was Conner's turn to be confused.

"Wake up, Conner. Your father has made a solemn vow that I will belong to him again in everyway. Do you honestly think that if he knew he had knocked me up again I would still be standing here? His family was Irish catholic for christ's sake! They didn't... don't believe in divorce and they sure as hell don't believe in making a baby outside the marriage bed."

"So? Dad hasn't practiced his religion in a long time."

"That wouldn't stop him from suddenly finding it again if he were to know a certain little piece of information if you catch my drift."

"Hence you two being in Vegas right about now."

"Exactly, and we're not which tells me he doesn't know."

"Maybe he knows and just can't do anything about it." Conner pointed out. "In case you've forgotten Dad's been dead for well over two hundred years, Mom."

"Conner this is your father we're talking about. Trust me, if he knew that I was... that this was his way to get what he wanted he would find away around the fact that he's been dead for well over two hundred years."

"Okay, he doesn't know."

"No, he doesn't know." Buffy repeated as she worried her bottom lip.

"But that doesn't mean he won't find out." Conner added. "Especially in about nine months when you go to give birth."

Buffy slapped Conner's arm. "God damnit, Conner. This isn't the time to be making jokes."

"I wasn't..." Conner rubbed his arm. "I take it you don't want him to know?"

"You take it right. Especially now."

"Because death is looming over your head." Conner guessed. "You know what it'll do to him if he loses you and the baby, too."

"Uh huh..." She looked over at him. "That's why you can't tell him."

"Do you have any idea what he'll do to me if he finds out that l knew and didn't tell him, Mom? I mean, it's gonna be bad enough if he finds out you told me before him, but if he finds out that I didn't tell him on top of that..." Conner shivered. "Have you ever seen him mad? I mean, really mad. Do you know what he's capable of?"

"Of course, I do, Conner. Why do you think I'm asking you not to say anything? If something happened to me... me or the baby he just might go over the deep end, and then it's Angelus all over again. Only this time I won't be here to stop him."

"It was that bad?" Conner couldn't help but ask. He knew the story now, but hearing about it and actually living it were two different things.

"Worse. I'd rather die myself than have to..." She looked away. "I'd rather die myself."

Conner couldn't see Buffy's face, but he could feel her pain and that was enough. "Okay..." He sighed. "I won't tell him."

She turned back to him with tear filled eyes. "Thank you."

"I wouldn't go thanking me just yet, Mom. You're right. Dad's still half vampire. There may come a time when he figures out your little secret all on his own without my having to tell him. He was around Darla when she was pregnant and he picked up alot of things with me, including the fact that I had a soul."

"But you said... You told me he was only around her the couple of days before she gave birth. Of course, he would have picked up on your heartbeat by then. You were alive."

"This baby's alive, too." Conner's hand went to her stomach. "I heard it again. I heard her heartbeat. If she wasn't alive she wouldn't have one." He looked up to meet her eyes. "She's going to be beautiful, you know? Just like you."

"Conner..." Buffy moved his hand. "Don't, okay? I don't want you to get your hopes up about having a baby brother or sister."

"Sister. She's definitely going to be a sister."

"Conner..."

"You're scared." He stated, meeting her gaze again.

"Terrified." Buffy said in a barely audible voice. "Now imagine that only like a zillion times worse and that'll pretty much be your father if I'm not out of danger when he does find out."

****

"So how do you think it's going?" Cordelia turned away from Angel's office door to look at him.

"Obviously better than it's going in here." He answered without looking up from his sketch pad. "Will you sit down. You're making me nervous just hearing you."

"I'm sorry, Angel but I can't help it." Cordelia moved over to sit down in the chair in front of Angel's desk. "What if she hurts him?"

"She won't." He murmured, as he studied the drawing in his hands.

"She has before."

"That wasn't intentional, Cordelia. She was protecting him. That's what mothers do."

"Mother... God, I still can't get over the fact that she's his mother." Cordelia muttered. "I mean, I've known for months so you would think I would have had time to get used to it, but the truth is I'm not. The truth is I'm not sure if I'll ever get over the fact that she's his mother."

"Months?" Angel's head shot up. "What do you mean you've known for months, Cordelia? How could you have known for months when Conner and I just found out a couple of days ago?"

"Did I say months?" Cordelia shifted nervously in her chair. "I didn't mean months I meant days."

"Cordelia..." Angel pinned her to the spot with his dark gaze. "You said months, and I'm pretty damn sure you meant months. Which leads me to my next question. Exactly how the hell did you know Conner was mine and Buffy's child when Conner and I didn't have a clue?"

"Well, I uhh..." She shifted in her chair again. "Here's the thing, Angel. Conner did uhh... have a clue."

"What?"Angel couldn't believe what he was hearing. "He knew?"

"No." Cordelia shook her head. "Not at first. At first he just had his suspicions. He started getting them in Sunnydale after he found out the full story about you two, but he couldn't figure out how it was possible. Especially with Darla giving birth to him and everything. He had so many questions. Questions that apparantly you or she wasn't willing to answer. She umm... She told him to come back to LA with his real family and forget about her, and then she told him to hate her with everything that was inside of him because he would find in the end that it was the best thing he could ever do. He said the moment she said those words to him he just knew. That she was his mother, but that for some reason she didn't want him to know. He didn't let that stop him though. He needed answers, and he wasn't giving up until he had them."

"So he came to you." Angel guessed.

"No. Actually it was more like I came to him. I umm... I offered him a shoulder to cry on the night she left on that 747 bound for nowhere, and he umm... he eventually he spilled his guts. Told me everything and asked me for my help." She raised her gaze to his. "I gotta tell you, Angel. I was reeling when he told me his supsicions. I didn't want to believe it was true. It was actually kinda hard to believe period since I witnessed his birth, but alot of it made sense to me. Their connection... Her being sent back here and saving him of all people. And then there was that day... The day that you had the Oracles take back."

"You knew about it before the other night?"

Cordelia nodded again. "When umm... When Doyle died he just didn't pass the visions on to me. He passed his memories of his time with us on to me too. I saw you... In your office the day you told him what you had done, and I've carried that memory with me all these years along with the others. That's why when Conner told me his suspicions about Buffy being his mother I couldn't rule out that it really might be true. I mean, if someone has the power to take away a whole day... completely wash it away from everyone's memories but yours then I couldn't rule out that possibility that you and Buffy created a child together and that Darla was just used as a vessel to give him life. Sounded farfetched I know, but this was you and her we were talking about. You two have a history of farfetched occurances."

"Why didn't you tell me, Cordy?"

"Easy. Conner asked me not to." She answered honestly. "I loved him, and I would have done anything for him. Still will. Oh, and then there was the little part where I promised him I wouldn't tell you. He didn't want you to know in case it turned out she wasn't."

"But evidently he found out. The other night... The things he said to her. He called her mom." Angel locked eyes with her. "How? How did he find out?"

"Well, it sure as hell wasn't from our friends the powers that's for sure. He umm... We searched for a way to talk to them for four months, but we couldn't find our way in the door, and then one day he remembered Spike's visit here the night she left. There was some things he said that tipped Conner off, so Conner went to see him... Talked to him... And Spike told him it was true. That Buffy was his mother. How it was possible he didn't have a clue either, but there wasn't a doubt in his mind she was. He said she as much as admitted it to him after he said some things to her. He told her always knew there was something familar about Conner, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it. Not until he was lurking in a certain graveyard in Sunnydale one night and saw the two of them together then it all became clear. He said Conner just didn't reek of your blood, he reeked of her's too. And he also pointed out that if you hadn't been so ate up with jealousy over the fact that you thought she was in love with him you probably would have figured it out all on your own."

"He's right." Angel laid the sketch pad down and sat back in his chair. "All the signs were there I just didn't want to see them. Their connection... The way she interacted with him... And then there's him... God, I'll never forget the day he was born. My very first thought as I held him in my arms was how I wished Buffy could be there to see him. I even thought he sort of looked like her. Especially as he started to grow. The way he would look at me sometimes was the exact way she used to look at me. And his nose... He used to crinkle up his nose just like she did...does. And now I know why. It's because he has her nose." Angel raised his gaze back up to her. "All the signs were there, and I just didn't see them. The day I lost him. It was like losing her all over again, and in a way I did."

"Yeah, you did. But he came back, and so did she." Cordelia answered him. "And now you have both of them back in your life. Don't you think you should be happy? Because you sure don't look happy from where I'm sitting."

"I'm happy." Angel told her, but the look on her face told him he wasn't convincing enough. "I am happy, Cordy." He repeated again. "I just... That's why he pushed so hard for me to go after her the last couple of months before she came back. He wanted us back together."

"What child doesn't want to see their parents together, Angel? And yes, I know Conner's not a child anymore, but the doesn't stop him from wanting a family. A real family. You of all people should know that. The fact that he grew up without a mother probably doubled that wanting, and then add the fact that he knew you and she still loved each other and I think you'll understand why he wanted the two of you together so badly."

"No wonder he wanted to kill." Angel looked down at his hands. "I wasted so much time."

"You've wasted so much time on what?" A voice asked from the doorway, and Angel looked up to find the exact same person of his thoughts, standing there. "Buffy..." He stood up. "Hey..."

"Hey, yourself." She rewarded him with a smile. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, nothing." Cordelia stood up and answered for Angel as she turned around to look at Buffy. "Angel and I were just disussing how much time he's wasted on Wolfram and Hart."

"Wolfram and Hart?" Buffy asked curiously as she stepped further into the office. "Who's Wolfram and Hart?"

"You mean Conner didn't tell you about them?"

"Uh uh. Was he supposed to?"

"No!" Angel blurted out. "He wasn't supposed to because there's nothing to talk about. Isn't that right, Cordelia?" He asked as his gaze moved to his friend in silent warning.

"Oh, yeah. Right." Cordelia took a step back as she got the meaning behind Angel's dark look. "Conner didn't say anything because there's nothing to talk about. In fact, I really don't know why I'm still standing here talking to either one of you right now. Especially when I could be off with Conner somewhere." She turned back to Buffy. "Where is he, by the way?"

"Upstairs showering." Buffy told her even though her gaze never left Angel.

"Showering? Why is he showering?" Cordelia's eyes narrowed as she stared at Buffy. "You didn't hurt him did you? Is that why he's showering? Is he showering off the blood from your battle?"

Her words got Buffy's attention, and Buffy tore her gaze away from Angel to nail her. "I didn't hurt him, Cordelia . I would never lift a finger to him unless it was to protect him. He's taking a shower because he mentioned something about wanting to be clean and fresh when he spent the day with you. Something about a picnic on the beach."

"He's taking me to the beach?"

"That's what he said." Buffy dismissed Cordelia and returned her gaze to Angel, who was being even quieter than usual. "Now don't you think you should go find him? You know men. They hate to be kept waiting."

"Ain't that the truth." Cordelia snorted. "And Conner's even worse. He's just like his father..." Suddenly Cordelia's voice trailed off as she noticed that neither Buffy nor Angel were paying any attention to her because they were too busy making what she called fuck me eyes at each other in. "Okay, I think that's my cue to get out of here before I throw up." She turned and headed for the door. "See you guys in a couple of weeks!"

"Bye." Buffy tossed over her shoulder without so much as a thought.

"What?" Angel raised an eyebrow and asked once Cordelia was gone.

"You." Buffy eyed him warily. "You're hiding something from me. Like who Wolfram and Hart are for one."

"I'm not hiding anything from you, Buffy." He turned and headed for his desk. "It just doesn't concern you."

"I see. So this is the way it's going to be?""

"So is this the way what's going to be?" Angel asked as he took a seat at his desk.

"Our lives together, Angel. You'll share everything with me, but your work? Because if it is I'm leaving right now before we dig ourselves an even deeper grave than what we already have."

She saw him flinch at her words, and immediately felt bad. "Angel... God, I'm..." She closed the distance to him, and reached out to cup his face in her hand. "Honey, I'm not normal. I'll never be normal, so don't try and give me a normal life. Don't keep me shut out of this world. All it'll do is end up tearing us apart again."

"I know." He turned his face to kiss the inside of her palm before taking that hand in his. "I do. I just... You're in danger."

"And because I am you feel you have to protect me from everything including the world we live in."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you, too." Buffy answered as she slid into his lap, and straddled him so that she was facing him "Does that help?"

"Mmm..." He wrapped his arms around her, and buried his face in her hair. "But it doesn't take the fear away. I just got you back. I don't want to lose you. Not again. Not ever."

"How do you know I'm the one that's going to die first?"

"W-What?" Angel pulled away to look at her.

"You've sworn to protect me, Angel and I believe you will. And it's because I do that I'm asking you why you think I'm going to be the one to go first? What about you? You're not invincible, you know? You still have an allergy to stakes, and your job puts you in danger of getting one in the heart all the time. And what about the shanshuie thing? Who's to say you won't get it in my time? You could, and then you would be even more vulnerable to death. You would be human, and as such for all we know you could go out to the coffee shop around the corner one morning to get me a mocchachino and get hit by a bus, leaving me a widow to raise our childr...child alone."

Angel snapped at her words. "Jesus, Buffy! How can you joke about this? It's not funny. I'm trying to tell you how I feel,and you're..."

Buffy leaned down to smother his anger with a kiss, and at first Angel refused to kiss her back. He was too angry with her, but eventually the feeling of her lips on his, and having her body pressed up against him so intimately dissolved his anger and lead to intense desire and want, and the moment Buffy felt his body relax that's when she finally tore her lips from his. "I should spank you for that." He panted.

"What is it with you wanting to spank me?" She asked just as breathlessly

"Buffy..."

"What?" She asked innocently.

"Don't change the subject. Why did you do that?"

"You were mad. I wanted to cool you down. Did it work?"

"NO." He muttered. "I'm still hot, only in a different way now. That's why I should spank you."

"Later." She grinned at him. "Maybe later I'll let you do more than spank me."

"You are not going to joke your way out of this or use making love as the answer to it either, Buffy."

"I wasn't trying to..." This time it was Buffy's turn to lose her cool. "God damnit, Angel!" She slid off his lap and once her feet touched the floor she began to pace. "I am going to die!"

"No." Angel shook his head. "No, you're not. Not if I can help it."

"That's not what I meant, Angel." She spun around to nail him with her firey eyes. "I meant I'm going to die eventually. I'm human. Dying is a part of the cycle of life. It's the end of that cycle, and it will happen to me. It will, and there won't be anything you can do to stop it. That means I won't be coming back, Angel. I won't, and I expect you to see to it that I don't. It's part of your uhh... I expect you to see to it that I don't. You're the only one I trust to see to it. You. And for your information I was not trying to joke about dying. But even if I was, big deal. I'm not afraid to die. Not anymore. My biggest fear now is you leaving me! And you could, Angel! You are not invincible. You could die before me, and the thought of that scares the shit out of me even knowing what I know. Even knowing that you'll be in a better place doesn't help me. I'm scared shitless that I won't have the strength to go on without you! Look at the past seven months! Look at what happened after I was brought back! Wake up, god damnit! I'm not as fucking strong as you think I am." She began to cry. "I'm terrified, too. More than terrified."

"Jesus, Buffy..." Angel reached for her, and pulled her back into his lap. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." He pulled her closer. "I just... you've been through so much, and alot of that is my doing... I can't help it. I'm sorry. It kills me to see you hurt. So much so that I would do anything to prevent it from happening." He kissed the crown of her forehead. "I love you, and as usual my need to protect you kicked into overdrive. The fact that you're still in danger only intensifies that need."

"And you think I don't know that?" Buffy reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers. "Trust me, Angel. I know what it's like to want to protect the people you love. But not talking about what could or couldn't happen and what could cause it doesn't or won't help matters."

"You're right. I know you are. And we should talk about it. We should talk about alot of things."

"But?" She looked up at him. "You have butface, Angel."

Those dark beautiful orbs she loved so much locked with hers. "No, not butface."

"Then what?"

"The truth?"

She nodded as he shifted her on his lap. "I really don't want or feel like talking right now. Well, actually for the next couple of days if possible. For the next couple of days I just want it to be you and me with no interference from the outside world."

"Can you do that? Take a couple of days off from work, I mean?"

"Barring that Cordy doesn't have a vision, yeah. I'm the boss, remember? I can do anything I want. And right now all I want is to spend the next couple of days with you."

"Just the next couple of days?"

"No." His eyes met hers again. "I want to spend however long time will allow us to have together, but unfortunately there is work, and... other things that have to be taken care of, so right now all we get is a couple of days."

"Kinda like a vacation." She couldn't help but smile. "Sounds nice.

"Honeymoon sounds better." He grinned at her.

"Angel..." Before she could get anything else out of her mouth Angel was readjusting her on his lap again. "Shh... No more talking. We've only got a couple of days..." He murmured just before his lips closed over hers, and then there wasn't for a long, long time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I would like to thank Ryan, Angelbaby99, Ruth, Kolumbyne, Al M., Laura May, Mary R., Karen H., Kassie Raye, Carolyn, Dragon Queen, Raven Raven, Isis Blue, Susan, Christine, Kattie S., and Wendy. Thanks you guys. You're the greatest!

CHAPTER 35

Actually they would only have one night. Buffy knew that the moment she pulled the file out of the filing cabinet in Angel's office later that night and began reading through it. Damnit, damnit, damnit. She knew the trail led back to LA, but she never expected that it would lead back to... "What are you doing?"

Buffy shoved the file back in the drawer and shut it before turning around to face the exact same person she had just been thinking about. "A-Angel... What are you doing up?"

"I woke up and you wasn't there." Angel informed her as he stepped further into the office. "Now would you like to explain to me why exactly I found you here instead of there where I wanted you to be?"

"I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to wake you. I still get antsy at night even though I am officially retired." Buffy fibbed. Well, sorta. She really hadn't been able to sleep, and her slayer instincts were in overdrive, but the reason wasn't for lack of stimulation. The real reason had just been shoved back into his filing cabinet.

"Is that the truth?" Angel's eyes narrowed as he stared at her. "Or is there something you're not telling me, Buffy? Did you have another nightmare?"

"No, Angel. I didn't have another nightmare. Trust me, if I had you would have known with all the screaming and everything."

"Buffy..." Angel took a step towards her.

"It's getting better." She quickly told him in reassurance as he closed the distance to her and pulled her into his arms. "I'm trying to let go of all of it."

"I know." He kissed the crown of her head. "It's just going to take time."

"Time. Right. It's just going to take time." She murmured into his chest sadly.

"Hey." Angel pulled back to look at her. "Why the long face? Is there something else bothering you? Something you want to talk about?"

Buffy shook her head. "Nope. No talking, remember? This is our h...vacation. It's just supposed to be us... Just you and me... with no interference from the outside world."

Angel couldn't help but smile. "So is this your way of telling me you want to go back to bed?"

"It would be if we had a bed to go back to." She told him as she looped her arms around his neck.

"Okay, I get the hint." He chuckled. "And because I do how would you feel about my springing you from this place tomorrow and you and I going bed shopping?"

"Angel, about the bed... I'm really sorry I overreacted the way I did. You don't have to buy a..." He smothered her argument with a tender kiss before pulling back to look at her. "Yes, I do. I want a bed that belongs to us. Not me. Not you. Not anyone else. Just us. One that we can buy together and share together for the the rest of our lives."

Buffy felt her eyes pool up. "I love you. Have I told you that?"

"Mmm..." He pulled her closer. "And I love you, too. Even plan on showing you how much in just a few minutes, but first I need an answer to the question I asked you. Do you want to go bed shopping in the morning or not?"

"I do." She nodded through her tears. "I want that more than anything." And she did. The only problem was she wasn't going to be there in the morning, or the next morning, or the one after that for that matter. That's why when Angel took her back to bed like he had told her he planned to do she burned every little detail of their lovemaking into her mind along with every little detail since they had reunited. She needed those memories to give her the strength to do what she was planning to do...

****

The ringing of the telephone the next morning jarred Conner from his deep sleep, and it took several moments and several rings for him to comprehend what it was, but once he did he quickly rolled over to answer it. "'Lo."

"Hey, sleepyhead. I know it's early, and I really hated to call you and wake you up, but I kinda needed to talk to you."

Conner's eyes flew open. "Buffy? Mom? Is something wrong?"

"You could say that."

"What is it? Did you and Dad have a fight? Did he hurt you?"

"No. And you know better, Conner. Your father would never hurt me. Not physically or any other way if he could help it."

"Then what's wrong? And don't say nothing, Mom because I can tell by the tone of your voice that something is definitely wrong."

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. "I figured it out."

"Figured what out?"

"Who's trying to kill me. I know who it is."

Conner sat up in the bed. "Who?"

"Can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because you'll come after me?"

"What the hell do you mean..." Suddenly it hit him what she was saying, and he felt his heart stop. "You're going after them."

"Yes."

"Is Dad with you?" Conner asked even though he already knew the answer.

"No. Too risky."

"Mom..."

"Just listen, okay, Conner. I love you. Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that I love you and your father more than anything. That's why I have to do this."

"Mom, please." Conner swung his legs over the side of the bed. "Just tell me where you're at and I'll come and get you. We'll take care of this together. Me, you, and Dad."

"No. I told you it was too risky, Conner. Now say goodbye. I've got to go."

"No." Conner could feel panic start to seize him. "I won't say goodbye. Just tell me where you're at, Mom."

"No can do. I love you. Don't forget that. And don't forget about what we talked about the other day. He'll need you, baby. You have to take care of him for me. Promise me."

"Mom..." Tears began to slide down Conner's cheeks.

"Promise me, Conner."

"I promise." He choked out. "But not now. Now's not the time."

"Yes, it is." Buffy murmured. "I love you." The line went dead after that, and the moment it did Conner went into a full blown panic. "Wake up, Cordy." He practically yelled as he jumped from the bed.

"Huh? What?" Cordelia raised up in the middle of the bed to look at him. "Conner? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Mom..." Conner began to pull on his pants. "She's in trouble. We have to get, Dad..."

****

"Tell me again, what she said." Angel demanded as he paced back in forth in front of his son, who was now sitting on a sofa in the lobby of the Hyperion.

"I've already told you what she said, Dad. And what the hell are we still doing here? We should be out looking for her."

"We can't find her if we don't have a clue where to look, Conner."

"Our connection. We can use our connection."

"LA's a big city, son. Even if we did use our connection it would still take hours to find her. We have to think. There has to be something that was said... did... that will tip us off to where she might be."

"To hell with thinking." Conner stood up from the sofa. "We're wasting time standing here. I'm going to look for her." He went to leave, but Angel grabbed his arm. "Conner..."

"No, Dad!" Conner shook his hand off. "I'm going and you can't stop me. She's my mother, and I don't want to lose her."

"And you think I do?" Angel finally snapped from all the pressure. "I've already lost her twice. Twice, Conner! Do you actually think I could stand the thought of losing her again. Especially when I just got her back. She's my life. You and her... If anything happened to either one of you I don't think I could take it."

"Then let's go find her. Together. Because it's not just you, me, and her anymore, Dad. There's another life at stake here, too."

"What the hell are you talking about, Conner? What other life?

"She's pregnant." Conner locked eyes with his father. "Mom's pregnant, Dad."

"P-Pregnant?" Angel stared at Conner in shock. "But that's..."

"Impossible." Conner finished for him, and Angel nodded. "Yeah, maybe so. But the way I heard it nothing"s ever impossible with the two of you."

"P-Pregnant?" Angel was still having a hard time believing what Conner was telling him. That's why he started pacing again, but as soon as he did he spun back around to face him "Pregnant? You're sure?"

Conner nodded. "It was confirmed by Lorne, and then I pretty much figured it out myself, and I'd really love to tell you the whole story, but not now. We have to find her."

Angel's eyes grew pained. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"You know why. Now can we just get out of here and go find her before it ends up coming true?"

"We still don't know where to look, Conner." Angel was starting to feel desperate now, that was until someone cleared their throat behind him. "Then I guess it's a good thing I showed up when I did, huh?"

"Spike." Angel muttered and spun around to face the peroxide blonde that was literally smoking just inside the lobby doors. "Why is it that everytime my mate is in trouble you show up?"

"It's not because I got her in the bloody mess, that's for sure."

"Then what the hell are you doing here, Spike?"

Spike tossed the smoking blanket over his head aside, and stepped further into the lobby. "Well, it's the damndest thing really. There I was in Sunnyhell, cuddling with my own mate when this little girl appears before me and tells me it's time I let the cat out of the bag. Or in this case the pig."

"What the hell are you talking about, Spike?" Angel growled. "And don't you dare start talking in riddles again. My mate is in danger, and if you waste anymore time... time that I could be looking for her, and something happens to her... Well, I think you know what will happen to you if something happens to her."

"Yeah, I know exactly what will happen to me, you bloody poof. I know very good and well. Why do you think I risked getting baked to a crisp to get here? And for your information, I wasn't talking in riddles." Spike reached in his jacket and pulled something out to toss to Angel.

Angel caught the object, and his eyes immediately flew back to Spike. "Where did you get this?"

"She gave it to me for safe keeping. Told me to get it to you if something happened to her, but obviously someone upstairs wanted you to have it before then." Spike nodded his head towards the object. "Go ahead. Open it up. She sewed a secret suprise inside of him for you."

Angel clutched the stuffed pig in his hands. No, it wasn't just a stuffed pig. This was Mr. Gordo, Buffy's favorite stuffed animal. She used to love the thing so much she wouldn't let anyone touch it except for him because she was always afraid something would happen to it. That's why he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that whatever this secret surprise that was inside it had to be pretty damn important. She used to hate the thought of the thing getting dirty much less torn up. And the thought of parting with it... That was even more inconceivable to her. Or at least it used to be. That was until now. Important... Whatever it was sewn inside it was important to her. More than important. He knew it. That's why he didn't waste anymore time. He tore into the chest of the stuffed pig, and was surprised to discover what looked like a legal document. But if he thought that was the real shocker, he was wrong. The real shocker came when he opened the legal document and began to read it. "Sonofabitch..."

"Dad? What is it? What's wrong?" Conner took a step towards Angel, but quickly backed away when he saw him morph into vamp mode.

"I know where she's at." Angel growled as he quickly stuck the stuffed pig and the legal document inside his leather duster. "And so help me God if there is one hair harmed on her head they"ll wish to hell they had never heard the name Angelus, Scourge of Europe..."

****

"Miss. Morgan, Miss. Williams is here to see you." Lilah Morgan's secretary announced to her as she entered the room followed by Buffy.

"Ahh, Miss. Williams. What a surprise. It's been awhile." Lilah Morgan said as she stood up and came around her desk.

Buffy didn't say anything in response. Not until the secretary had left the room, and shut the door. The moment that happened she spun back around to nail Lilah with firey eyes. "You can cut the crap, Miss. Morgan. I'm pretty sure you know who I am, WHO I REALLY AM, but the thing is I haven't quite figured out why a big time law firm such as the one you work for would want me dead."

"I must say, Buffy. I honestly didn't think you would figure it out." Was all Lilah said as she sat down on the corner of her desk.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about the slowness of that." Buffy moved further into the room. "I've been kinda busy defending my life and the lives of those I love against the slime you've been sending my way. Now would you like to tell me why you have been sending the slime my way. Is it because of Angel?"

"Actually it was Angel. Or at least it was Angel at first. We could have cared less about you. Of course, all that changed when you had to up and ruin everything by returning. We had plans for him, but you had to go and ruin them by playing on that guilty conscience of his. Really pissed the Senior Partners off. So much so they wanted my head on a platter. However, I'm happy to say I've managed to delay my execution for awhile thanks to my past track record for having the knack to tie up loose ends. Now all I have to do is tie up this one."

"So you are the one that's been trying to kill me." Buffy eyed the leggy brunette.

"Oh no, sweetie. Not me. I hate to get my hands dirty. Now my lackey's on the other hand... Well, let's just say they don't have a problem getting their hands dirty, and I have several on standby right now waiting to do just that."

"So that's the reason I had to wait so long to see you. You were getting them ready to finish the job?"

"Yes."

"You know I won't go down without a fight, and the one's I don't take out Angel will finish off. In fact, once he's done with them they'll wish they'd never been born."

"That might be true, but they'll be others. There always is. The main thing is that you... our little problem... Will be taken care of, leaving him alone to go back to his true soulmate, Cordelia Chase."

"Cordelia isn't Angel's soulmate. I am."

"Oh, I beg to differ, sweetie. He forgot all about you before and he will again. He'll love her in a way he never loved you. But hey, if you don't believe me I'd be more than happy to prove it to you. I have tapes. Lots of tapes of them together. And I do mean TOGETHER. Would you like to see them?"

"No." Buffy choked out as she felt nausea rise to her throat.

"What about Darla?" Lilah grinned. "Would you like to see the tapes from when they... Well, you know? Would you like to see how happy she really did make him? Or better yet, Buffy. How about the tape of the day Conner was born. Would you like to see it? Would you like to see how happy Angel was that she had given him a son?"

"Conner is my son."

"So you say. But I didn't see you sacrificing your life to give him his like she did. Now that's what I call a true mother."

"Go to hell."

"Hell... Hmm... Now that's another subject I'd really like to discuss with you. For someone that claims to love Angel as much as you claim to love him, you sure did't have any qualms about sending him there. Why is that?"

Buffy opened her mouth to say something, but Lilah held up her hand to cut her off. "You know what, Buffy forget answering that because I already know the answer. It's like I said before, you're not his true soulmate. If you were he would have never left you to start with. No, if he had really loved you he would have stayed. Found a way around the curse. But he didn't. He walked away without a backwards glance which goes to show you and everyone else that you are not his true soulmate. Cordelia is his true soulmate. She's the one he clung to at night. She's the one he shared his life with. Cordelia. Not you, Buffy. The only thing he shares with you is a guilty conscience. He feels guilty about what happened to you, and it's that guilt that's keeping him with you. Of course, all that will change once Wolfram and Hart does him the favor of getting rid of you. Once you're dead his guilt trip will be over thereby leaving him free to be with his true soulmate."

"Miss. Morgan, did anyone ever tell you that you're a spiteful bitch?"

"Maybe I am, but I'm spiteful bitch that tells the truth."

"Truth? You don't know the meaning of the word."

"Yes, I do, Buffy. It's you that doesn't know the meaning of the word. If you did you wouldn't be holding onto Angel. If you did you would let him go to be with the person he truly belongs with."

"If I were you I would shut my mouth, before I permanently shut it for you, Miss. Morgan."

"Now, now, Buffy. You and I both know you won't kill a human. Well, not a defenseless one anyway."

"You're right, Lilah. She won't. Be me on the other hand..." A voice growled from behind Buffy that sent her spinning around to face it. "A-Angel..."

Angel's gaze softened somewhat as they moved to Buffy. "Hey, baby. Sorry, I'm late." He closed the distance to her, and leaned down to brush his lips across hers. "We got held up downstairs."

"W-We?" Buffy frowned at him as he pulled away. "Angel, what are you... You're not supposed to be here."

"Tough, I am anyway." He reached up to cup her cheek as his eyes searched her face. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah." She nodded. "I'm fine. But, Angel..."

"Later..." He gave her a chaste kiss. "We'll discuss this later, Buffy. But for now..." He pulled away from her. "Conner..."

"Yeah, Dad." Conner asked walking into the room.

"Take your mother out of here now." Angel ordered before turning back to nail Lilah with amber eyes. "And if anyone tries to stop you kill them."

"Yes, sir." Conner said as he closed the distance to Buffy and grabbed her hand. "Come on, Mom."

"What? C-Conner...No. NO!" She tried to pull her hand away from Conner's. "A-Angel..."

"Go with Conner, Buffy." Angel ordered without taking his eyes off Lilah.

"No. Absolutely not, Angel. I am not leaving without you."

"Fine." He muttered. "Stay then." His gaze returned to Lilah. "Lilah..."

"Angel..." Lilah pushed away from her desk. "It's been awhile."

"It has. Pity it couldn't have been longer."

Lilah shrugged. "What can I say? You know how miserable we enjoy making your life."

"Yeah, I do, Lilah. But I'm afraid you used the wrong person to do it this time. It's one thing to go after me through my friends and my son, but it's a totally different story when you try to go at me through my mate."

"She's not your mate. And I think she's pretty much starting to realize that." Lilah's eyes moved to Buffy. "Am I right, Buffy?"

"Well, I uhh..." Buffy started to say, but Angel's angry voice cut her off. "Lilah, Lilah, Lilah. When are you going to learn to quit fucking with me?"

"When hell freezes over." Lilah smirked at him.

"Wrong answer, Lilah." Before Lilah could blink Angel was across the room, grabbing her by the throat. "NOW! You'll stop fucking with me now. And you want to know why, Lilah? It's because of what I said before. It's one thing to go at me through my son and friends, but it's a totally different story to go at me through my mate. Death... The consequence of doing that is death. And Buffy is my mate, Lilah. I know it, and she knows it even if you have planted more doubts in that beautiful head of hers. Buffy is my mate. MINE! She bears my mark, shares my home, my bed, and my life. She is my mate, Lilah and as much as you deny it you still know it's true. If you didn't you wouldn't have went to so much trouble to worm your way into her life, am I right?" His hands tightened around her throat.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." Lilah sputtered. "And even if I did I wouldn't tell you. Y-You don't scare me. You're just like her. You won't kill a human."

"Won't I, Lilah?" Angel growled. "Remember that little party Holland had at his house several years back?" He yanked her over to the big picture windows. "Death, Lilah. The consequence of hurting a vampire's mate is death, and I have no qualms about killing you. In fact, I could do it right now. I could throw you out this very window without blinking an eye. I've done it before. In this very building as a matter of fact. I sent a client of yours flying out a window just a couple of doors down. But unlike him you won't turn to dust or even fly for that matter. No, if I send you crashing out this window all you're going to do is fall a very, very long way and splatter your brains all over the sidewalk below. How about it, Lilah? Would you like to fall and go splat?"

"I told you that you don't scare me, Angel."

"Are you sure about that, Lilah?" Angel slammed her up against the glass of the window. "Just think about it for a second. With just the right amount of pressure I could send you spiraling to your death." And as if to prove his point he applied enough pressure to her body until the glass behind her began to crack. "OKAY! OKAY!" Lilah choked out as loudly as she could. "What do you want from me? Anything... I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"That's better." Angel relaxed his hold on her, but didn't let go. "Buffy... What does Wolfram and Hart want with her?"

"The only thing we wanted with her was her dead." Lilah calmly informed him without batting an eyelash.

"Why?"Angel growled. "Why kill her? Did you think it would push me over the edge enough to bring Angelus back?"

"This has nothing to do with Angelus. It never did."

"If that's the case then why go after Buffy?"

"Because we had to stop her."

"Stop her from what?" Angel growled, and tightened his hands around her neck again.

"H-Her true destiny." Lilah gasped. "We had to stop her from fulfilling her true destiny."

"And what exactly is her true destiny?"

"T-To give you children. And not just any children either. The children she will give you are destined to be a long line of warriors. Warriors that will protect and rule the earth someday."

"So that's why you really wanted Conner? It wasn't because he was the son of two vampires, it was because he was the son of a vampire and a vampire slayer, and destined to be a great warrior."

"No. No." Lilah shook her head. "That's the real stunner here. We actually did think that Conner was yours and Darla's. We found out about his true parentage the same time you did. It turns out the prophecy that foretold of his birth was false. The book we found it in was planted by the powers to throw us off the trail."

"Then how do you know about Buffy's true destiny?"

"In a book that Vocah took from the Oracles when he killed them. It foretold of her death, and of her sacrifice. It also stated that she would be rewarded for it with a gift. A gift that would hopefully reunite the two of you upon her return."

"And that worried you." Angel guessed. "So much so you decided to kill her before it could happen."

"Y-Yes."

"Oh God..." Buffy gasped from behind Angel. "You mean, that car... That was you?"

"N-No." Lilah struggled to breathe. "I told you I don't get my hands dirty. It was one of our... my lackey's. We knew once she came back the first person she would head to was you, and we couldn't let that happen."

"But you didn't succeed. Buffy didn't die, so why didn't you finish the job, Lilah? You could have very easily done so. She was in a coma for six months."

"Exactly. She was in a coma, Angel. As long as she was there was no need to kill her. No one knew who she was. You didn't even know she was alive. I didn't see the need in killing her, so I made the decision to put things on hold."

"And after she woke up? Why didn't you kill her then?"

"Because her ex-boyfriend saw to it that she didn't remember anything, most importantly you. So again I didn't see the need."

"So Finn was involved?"

"No. No. Not at first." Lilah shook her head. "We were watching her all the time, even while she was in her coma, and one night he just showed up out of the blue to see her. I could tell by the look on his face that she meant something to him, so I made the decision to approach him and find out just exactly what his interest in her really was. Once we swapped stories I made the decision to let him have control of her. I didn't see where it would hurt. He was getting what he wanted and so was I. We were keeping you two apart. Life was good. That is until she up and saved your brat in that alley that night. I actually panicked when that happened. Even more so when the two of you came face to face, but all that changed when I saw that she didn't remember you and that you were going to let that guilty conscience of yours keep the two of you apart. I decided to back off and leave her alone again, but no sooner than I did she started remembering. To say the Senior Partners were pissed is an understatement. They wanted my head on a platter, and would have gotten it if I hadn't convinced them that I would take care of the problem."

"And your way of taking care of the problem was to put a hit out on her."

"Y-Yes." Lilah nodded.

"And Kyle... Her father... Did you plan to kill him, too?"

"No. He just got in the way. He recognized the man I sent after her, and once he did we didn't have a choice but to kill him. He wasn't lying when he told you he loved her. He fought for her all the way up to the end. Stupid old man."

"Oh, God..." Buffy started crying. "You killed Kyle?"

"Yes. Finn, too. It turns out he was hiding the second prophecy from us. He found it will on a mission with the Initiative. Stupid boy. He actually thought... Well, you know what he thought. But the thing is he got even stupider after that. He figured out that we were the ones behind the attempts on your life, and decided to try and take us all on by himself. It was his last ditch effort to be your knight in shining armor."

"Oh, God..." Buffy started crying even harder, and the sound of it nearly broke Angel's heart.

"Conner, get your mother out of here now." Angel growled. "And remember what I said. Kill anyone that tries to stop you."

"Yes, sir." Conner wrapped a arm around Buffy and lead her from the room, leaving his father alone with Lilah.

"Cancel the hit on Buffy, Lilah. Call off your lackeys and tell the Senior Partners it's over."

Lilah locked eyes with him. "It'll never really be over, Angel. You know that."

"You're right, Lilah. It won't be. But fucking with my mate is. Tell the Senior Partners that if one hair on her head or our children's heads is ever harmed they will pay the consequences. Tell them that if my family suffers so will theirs. People will start dropping like flies left and right, and that's not a threat, Lilah. It's a promise." Angel let go of her, and backed away.

"I don't believe it." Lilah muttered, and rubbed her neck. "Angelus, The Scourge of Europe has fallen from grace all because of one woman."

"Trust me, Lilah. He's not complaining." Angel flashed her his best smile. "Far from it actually. Who do you think marked her? He recognizes Buffy as his mate, too. And I suggest you inform the Senior Partners of that little tidbit while you're filling them in on everything else. Tell them that when it comes to her it won't be just me they'll have to deal with. Tell them that they'll have to deal with him as well, and squashing a few little files doesn't even begin to describe what he's capable of doing when someone fucks with our property." With that said, he turned to leave, but suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"Oh, and Lilah... There's one more thing."

"What?"

"You owe me."

"E-Excuse me?" Lilah blinked in surprise.

"You owe me, Lilah." Angel turned around to look at her. "For letting you live."

"I see. And what is it exactly that you think I owe you, Angel?"

"I don't think. I know. You owe me for letting you live, and you're going to pay me back for my kindness. If you don't I'll be coming back to see you and the next time you won't be as lucky. Do you understand?"

"Perfectly." She muttered. "Now quit beating around the bush, and tell me exactly what it is you want."

"Actually there's a couple of things I want. First, I want my identity. I want you to make me exist. I'm talking birth certificate, social security card, driver's liscense, the whole nine yards. And don't tell me you can't do it because I know you can, Lilah."

"Oh, I can do it. Don't doubt that. But I'm curious... Why the sudden need to exist? You've been around for over two hundred years and have never shown an interest in it before. Why is it so important now?"

"Why else?" Angel locked eyes with her.

"Buffy!" Lilah spat as she saw the answer in his chocolate pools.

"Yeah, Buffy." Angel grinned again. "I'm going to marry that girl. And I'm going to do it courtesy of Wolfram and Hart. You're going to pay for the wedding and honeymoon of her dreams. My dreams. And you'll start by paying for her engagement ring. I'm thinking anywhere between four... maybe five karats will do nicely. And it has to be unique. Something no one else has. You can send a couple of jewellers to the hotel around noon tomorrow. And just so you know now, Lilah. You won't be invited to the wedding. You or anyone else at Wolfram and Hart. I want our day to be a happy day, so don't even think about messing it up. Like I said before, nobody messes with my mate in any shape, fashion, or form. If they do they'll pay the consequences." He walked past Lilah, and leaned down to write something on a notepad on her desk. "This is the fax number I want you to send those documents to. And if I were you I would get them to me as fast as possible. You'd really hate for me to pay you another visit. Won't be pretty if I do."

"Anything else?" Lilah muttered.

"Just one more thing."

"And what's that?"

"Replace the pig. I don't care what it takes. Just do it." With that said, he turned and disappeared in a billow of coattails, leaving Lilah glaring after him. "God, I hate that vampire."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Okay, I know I'm a very bad girl. My postings have been few and far between this week, and I apologize. It can't be helped. I've been pulling double shifts, and it looks like there's not an end of them in sight so bare with me until I get through it. Now, let me say thank you to Sarah, Emma, Amy, Al M., Ruth, Deb, Little Angel, Carolyn, Christine, Raven Raven, Ashleigh, Kay, Kyria, Kristin, Dragon Queen, Tiff, Kattie S., Laura May, Susan, Meghan, Isis Blue, Stephanie, Kassie Raye, Karen H., Karin, Kolumbyne, Amanda, Kristin M., and Meghan for their continuing support. I love you guys!

CHAPTER 36

Angel had given Buffy until later that evening to sort through things in her head before he finally sought her out to talk to her, and he wasn't the least bit surprised to find her on the rooftop of the hotel, staring out at the LA night skyline. "It's beautiful up here." She murmured as he sat down beside her on the brick wall she was sitting on. "Reminds me of our hillside in Sunnydale."

He knew what she was trying to do, and he wasn't about to let her do it. "Buffy..."

"Have you ever seen the movie *Love Story*?" She cut him off and ask without turning to look at him.

"No. I read the book though." He gazed at the side of her face. "Why?"

She finally looked over at him. "Do you remember when Jenny told Oliver that love means never having to say you're sorry?" Angel nodded which prompted her to ask her next question. "Do you believe that?"

"No. I believe that if you're not human enough to say you're sorry than you're not really human at all, and you're definitely not human enough to love."

"M-Me, too." She turned back to look at the LA night so that he couldn't see her tears. "I mean, I believe that now, but at first I didn't. To be honest, at first I didn't get it, so it was hard to believe in something you didn't get. But now... I get it and I believe it. That's what I've been doing up here all night. Getting and realizing alot of stuff. And you want to know what the really big realization was for me tonight?"

"What?" Angel murmured, and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

She turned back to look at him again. "I realized that in all the years we've known each other, and after all the arguments we've had you were... are always the one to say I'm sorry. Even if the argument was my fault you still took the blame for it and apologized, and once I realized that I finally realized that it was time I grew up and took some of the blame here. I realized it was time I was the one to say I'm sorry for being such a fucking idiot for a change. And I have been one, Angel. All this time all I could think about was my own pain, and I never not once stopped to think about yours. You suffered, too. After you left Sunnydale. And I never stopped to think about that. I never stopped to think about how much it must have hurt you to know I was with other men, and yet I've been quick to point out that you've been with other women. I hurt you. I realize that now. I realize alot of things now, and I'm sorry." She swiped at her tears. "I'm so sorry, Angel."

"What did she say to you that had you doubting my love for you, Buffy?"

"She didn't make me doubt you, Angel. You or your love. She had me doubting me. She had me doubting if I was the right person for you. Your real soulmate. Like I didn't already have enough doubts as it was." Buffy sniffled and shook her head. "God, I'm sorry for this. I've hurt you enough today. I've hurt you enough period. Besides, it doesn't matter what she said. I figured out what she was trying to do once I calmed down, and I want you to know I'm sorry, Angel. Not just for today and lately, but for all the times you swallowed your pride and let your love for me say you were sorry even when it wasn't your fault. I'm so sorry, Angel. I've been such a fucking idiot." She started crying again. "Can you forgive me?"

"Of course, I can." Angel reached up to catch Buffy's tears with the pads of his thumbs, and wipe them away. "I love you, you fucking idiot."

"G-Gee, honey." Buffy half laughed, half sobbed. "You really know how to make me feel so much better."

"I do?" He searched her face.

"You do." She reached up to caress his cheek in reassurance "And it only makes me love you more. I know I get messed sometimes... Well, alot lately actually, but I swear no matter how messed I get again I will never ever doubt your love for me.

"I'm glad to hear that." He leaned over to feather a kiss across her lips. "Because it's my love for you that's forcing me to do what I'm about to do."

"And what's that?" Her eyes narrowed as he pulled away from her.

"It's time we talked."

"I thought we just did that?"

"We did. But now it's time we talked about Kyle... And Riley."

"What about them?" She tensed and looked away.

"You didn't get them killed, Buffy."

"I never said I got Riley killed, Angel. I know he was a big boy who could make his own decisions. He dug his own grave and now he has to lay in it."

"And Kyle... What about Kyle?"

"He's in a better place." She whispered. "He's safe. At peace. Loved..."

"But even though you know he is you still feel guilty about how he got where he's at. You blame yourself for what happened to him."

Buffy flinched. "And your point is?"

"He's dead, baby. He was killed, but it wasn't your fault."

"So you say."

"It wasn't, Buffy. And it was time you accepted that. It was time you mourned his death."

"I did mourn."

Angel watched the play of emotions on her face. "Who are you trying to convince of that, Buffy? Me or you?"

"Don't you dare try to psychoanalyze me, Angel!" Buffy turned her head to nail him with angry eyes. "He got... He died. I cremated him. End of story."

"I don't think it is the end of the story, Buffy. I don't think you mourned his death. And as for his ashes... After you had him cremated what did you do with them?"

"W-What?" Buffy blinked in surprise.

"His ashes, Buffy. What did you do with his ashes?"

"Why? What does what I did with his ashes..."

"It has everything to do with it. You didn't keep them. I know that. You didn't keep anything from your past as Chara or Buffy. Well, except maybe one thing, and we'll discuss that later, but first... Kyle's ashes... I want you to tell me what you did with them. Did you scatter them somewhere? Did you bury them? What did you do with them? Tell me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm asking you to."

Buffy sighed and looked back at the LA night. She knew she was going to have to tell him. That he wouldn't give up until she did. "Galway Bay. I scattered them over Galway Bay."

This time it was Angel's turn to be surprised. "You went to Ireland?"

"Mmm..." Buffy looked down at her hands. "I-I didn't stay. I just went long enough to... I guess I must have a thing for Irish men because Kyle... He uhh... His great grandmother was from Galway. He never met her because his mother came to the states before he was born and she died before... He umm... He always wanted to go there, and even talked about the two of us going someday, but I could never... I didn't want to go. At the time I didn't know why, but now... I always wanted to go, but only with you. Just you... And then he... I went. But just for the day. I figured it was the least I could do. I owed him so much."

"And when you got there?"

"There wasn't a demon or vampire within miles. Even the ones that were after me at the time didn't make a move. It was like the beauty of it kept them at bay. That's why I umm... It felt like the safest place to leave him so I scattered his ashes there, and then I left."

"While you were doing it..." Angel swallowed against the lump in his throat. "Scattering his ashes over the bay... Did you cry?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't have the right to. If it hadn't been for me..."

"It wasn't your fault, Buffy."

"You keep telling me that, but I don't believe it."

"Okay, tell me this then. If it had been him... In your place, and he had been the one in danger, would you have done what he did to protect you?"

Buffy looked up at him with fresh tears in her eyes. "Without thought."

"Then how can you blame yourself? He did exactly what you would have done, baby. That man love and adored you. I never thought anyone could feel that way about you except for me, but I was wrong. I knew that the first moment I met him. Talked to him. He loved you with every breath he took, and it was because he did that he sacrificed his own life for you. He loved you, Buffy. And do you honestly believe that after everything you've been through... After being in heaven yourself... That he is there now and at peace? Happy? I don't think so. He will never be happy or at peace as long as he knows you blame yourself for what happened to him." He reached out to smoothe her hair away from her face. "That's why you have to let it go, baby. That's why you have to quit blaming yourself. He wanted you to be happy, and I don't doubt for a second that you want the same for him."

"A-Angel..." Buffy choked out, but he cut her off by pulling away to look at her. "Say it, Buffy."

"It's not my fault."

"Good." He grabbed her shoulders and locked eyes with her. "Now say it again. Only this time say it like you mean it."

"It's not my fault!" She choked out.

"Again!" Angel shook her. "Say it again, Buffy. Hell, scream it if you have to."

"It's not my fault!" She said a little louder. "It's not!" A sob tore from her throat. "It's not. It's not my fault, Angel!" She started sobbing even harder, and he couldn't take it. He pulled her into his arms and held her as the sobs wracked her body. "I-It's not my fault. It's n-not. I-It's not." And he continued to hold her even after all her tears were gone, and all that was left were her hiccups. She was emotionally drained after that. That's why he didn't even attempt to broach the other subject on his mind. His main concern was her right now, and he wasted no time seeing to her needs. Sleep... She needed sleep, and it wasn't until she was in his arms and doing just that that he finally let go of his own emotional turmoil caused by the events from earlier that day.

****

"I will. And thanks again, Giles. I'll see you when you get here."

Angel hung up the telephone, but didn't bother to turn around in his desk chair to look at the woman he knew was standing in his office doorway. He could feel her with everything that was inside of him, but for the life of him he couldn't bring himself to turn around to look at her. Not until he could get his swirling emotions under control. "You know, don't you?" Okay, so much for getting his emotions under control. All he could do now was see what happened. "Yes."

"Did she tell you?"

"No. She wouldn't tell me anything that would make me happy."

"And are you?" Buffy stared at the back of his desk chair. "Happy, I mean?"

"I think the question is are you, Buffy?" He finally spun around in his chair to face her. "Happy, I mean?"

Buffy shifted nervously on her feet. "I wanna be."

"But?"

"It all goes back to that I'm having trouble believing it's real thingy. And then there's the fact that there's this crazy law firm that has it in for me a-and you." She looked up to meet his gaze. "And why is that, by the way? I've figured out that they're not your normal run of the mill law firm, but I haven't figured out what exactly they want with you, and your files wasn't exactly informative when it came to that little tidbit."

Angel avoided her question by asking one of his own. "So that's what you were doing down here the other night, reading my files on Wolfram and Hart?"

"I uhh..." Buffy was able to explain to him, but the look on his face changed her mind. "You're mad. I mean, I figured you would be, but I didn't think I would be around to actually see it."

"Didn't think or hoped?"

Buffy flinched. "I did what I had to do, Angel. I was protecting you."

"Protecting me, Buffy? How were you protecting me? Did you even stop to think about what it would have done to me if something had happened to you? To our unborn child?"

"Of course, I thought about it, Angel! And when it came down to making a decision on whether it should be me, or you and Conner, the choice wasn't hard. Everything I've done the last seven and a half months I've done for the two of you. I want you to live to get your Shanshu, and Conner... I may not have been able to give him life, but that doesn't mean I won't do everything within my power to see to it that at least he has one. That includes sacrificing my life and the life of our unborn child. And I'm sorry, Angel. I'm sorry if that sounds cold... if you think I'm cold... But it's who I am. The person I am. It's what being the slayer has done to me, and right now I don't know how to be anything else. And then there's you..." She stormed over to his desk. "I couldn't tell you, and I'm sorry. But I knew. I knew if you found out that they were the ones behind this that fucking guilty conscience of yours would get in the way. I knew if you found out you would panic, and send me packing." She leaned over the desk to lock eyes with him. "And I was right, wasn't I, Angel? You and Giles have made another decision about my life without me." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "So where am I going? Are you at least going to say goodbye to me this time? Because it will be goodbye, Angel. I mean it. I won't be coming back. If you push me away this time we're finished!"

God, she was beautiful. That was the first thing Angel thought as he stared up at her. Not that she wasn't always beautiful because she was. It was just now... She was pregnant. He knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt now, and the fact that she was carrying his child inside of her only made her even more beautiful in his eyes. It made his chest swell up with pride. And he was proud. Proud to say she was his. Okay, maybe she wasn't his. Not completely. Not yet. But soon she would belong to him in every possible way including in the eyes of the law. And it was that little fact that prompted him to finally say something in response, but it wasn't exactly the one she was thinking he would give her. "We'll never be finished, baby. Never. And for your information you're not going anywhere."

Buffy's eyes pooled. "I-I'm not?"

"No."

"Th-Then why did you call, Giles?"

The second the words left her mouth Angel knew the moment of truth was at hand. "I called him to invite him to our wedding. Oh..." He dug in his pant's pocket for something. "And then there was this... I had to talk to him about this, too." He tossed something on his desk, but Buffy was completely oblivious to whatever it was because she couldn't quite get past the first part of what he said. "Y-You called to invite h-him to w-what?"

"Our wedding, Buffy. I called to invite him to our wedding."

"B-But we're not getting married."

"Yes, we are. On your birthday as a matter of fact."

"M-My... But that's only..." She began to pace. "No! Absolutely not! We are not getting married on my birthday, Angel."

Angel watched her pace back and forth in front of his desk. "Why not? You married me on your birthday before?"

"I did not marry you..." Buffy started to say as she spun around to face him, but the moment she saw the look on his face she changed her tune. "You don't want to marry me, Angel."

The scowl on Angel's face disappeared as he leaned forward in his desk chair. "Oh, I beg to differ, baby. Marrying you is all I've ever wanted. Dreamed about actually. And now my dream is going to come true."

"We are not getting married, Angel!"

"Yes, we are, Buffy. We will be married exactly two months from today even if I have to drag you down the aisle kicking and screaming."

"Y-You wouldn't." She sputtered.

"Try me." He smirked.

"You're making a big mistake."

"Being shackled to you for the rest of my life? Hmm..." He got a dreamy look in his eyes. "Yeah, I can see where that would be a big mistake."

"A-Angel..."

Angel shook himself out of his reverie and met her frowning gaze. "We're getting married and that's final, Buffy. No more wasting time. You're lucky you're getting two months. I came very close to carting you off to Vegas last night, but I changed my mind. You deserve better than a quickie wedding. And then there's this problem you're having. I know all this doesn't seem real to you. That's why I'm giving you two months... Us two months... For the next two months I'm going to do everything I can to prove to you that this is real. We're real... And once those two months are up we'll get married, have a couple dozen kids, and live happily ever after."

"There's no such thing as happily ever after, Angel. You of all people should know that."

Angel sighed. "Okay, you're right. There's no such thing as happily ever after, Buffy." He locked eyes with her. "But I do believe with all my heart that what we'll have will be pretty damn close to it."

Buffy felt herself go weak in the knees, but she quickly recovered. "If you're trying to butter me up it's not working."

Angel frowned again. "It's not?"

"No." She shook her. "I still don't want to marry you."

"Why not, Buffy? Don't you love me?"

"Of course, I love you, Angel! It's not even a question of that."

"Then what is it a question of?"

"Sharing. In order for two people to share a life together that have to share. Everything, Angel. And you don't. You don't share everything with me."

"I've given you my heart, body, and soul, Buffy. What more do you want?"

"I want all of you." She stated, and met his gaze. "The good and the bad." She turned to leave. "I want to be your equal not just someone you feel you need to protect. When you're ready to give me what I want that's the day I'll let you put your ring back on my finger, Angel." She headed for the office doorway, but didn't quite make it there. "Buffy..."

"What?" She stopped in her tracks, but didn't turn around to look at him.

"You might not like what you hear. What then?"

His words caused a cold chill to shoot up her spine. "I-It's that bad, huh?" She tried to joke half-heartedly, but when she didn't get an answer she knew the answer. "A-Angel..." She spun around to look at him. "Who are they? I mean, really? And what do they want with you?"

"Come here." Angel motioned to her, and Buffy didn't hesitate. She knew whatever he had to tell her was going to be difficult and that he needed her closeness just as much as she needed his. She closed the distance to him, and slid onto his lap. Once she was situated he rested his temple against hers. "They're human. Most of them anyway."

"A-And the rest?"

"Do you remember when Lilah mentioned the Senior Partners?"

Buffy nodded. "She's scared of them. I sensed her fear. And I take it from the way you mentioned them seperately that they're not in the human category, so what are they?"

"No one really knows for sure."

"O-Kay, then let me rephrase the question then. What do you think they are?"

"Demons of some sort, but unlike any you and I have ever faced. Really old and really powerful. I've been told that they've been here since the beginning of time. Adjusted with the times, and changes, and always come out on top. They live in the lap of luxury and use humans to do their dirty work."

"So Lilah's one of their lap dogs."

"No, she's more than that, Buffy. I think she actually wants to become one of them. That's why you should never underestimate her... them."

"I won't. Not again." She assured him. "Now tell me the rest. What do they want with you?"

Once again she was answered with silence, and she knew whatever it was it really was bad. "Angel..." She sat up, and turned on his lap to face him. "No more trying to protect me, I want to be your equal, remember? I want the good and the bad. Now tell me. How do you figure into their plans?"

"I don't."

Okay, forget the good and the bad Buffy thought as she realized what he was saying. This wasn't good or bad. This was her worst nightmare. "Oh, God."

"Buffy..." Angel went to wrap his arms around her, but she was off his lap before he could get the chance. "A-Angelus... They want Angelus?"

Angel nodded. "Yes."

"B-But your soul... I-It's bound now."

"They'll eventually find a way around that, Buffy."

"N-No. No." She began to pace. "I won't let that happen. I-It won't happen."

"Buffy..." Angel stood up, but she backed away from him. "No, Angel! I won't let it happen. I won't!"

"You won't be able to stop them, Buffy. Lilah was right. It'll never be over."

"The hell it won't! Do you know who you're talking to. I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I defeated a hell god for christ's sake! I think I can bring down a couple of demons who have a taste for the high life. And speaking of those rich, slimy bastards, what would they want with Angelus anyway? We both know all he's good for is bringing about the end of the..."

"World..." Angel finished for her, and flinched as he watched her face contort in pain. "Oh, God..."

"Buffy..." Angel took a step towards her, but she took another step back away from him. "That's what they want him for?"

"Yes." Angel answered as he held her gaze. "It turns out there's another prophecy about me that predicts that I'll be a key player in the end of days, and unfortunately there's a good chance I could be fighting on their side."

"No! NO! I won't let that happen, Angel!"

"Buffy..."

"No, Angel!" She rushed to him, and threw her arms around him. "I won't let that happen. I won't. And neither will our children. Besides, we can't be sure about this. We can't. You know yourself that prophecies are tricky. Th-There's all this fine p-print and ancient mumbo jumbo. It won't happen. It won't."

"Buffy..." Angel tried to pry her hands from around his neck. "Come on, baby. You wanted to hear this... Look at me. Let me finish telling you."

"No. No." She said in a muffled voice against his neck. "I don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to because it's not going to happen. You have your shanshu to fight for. A-And then there's Conner and the baby... You have so much to live for. That's why I know you won't let it happen."

"And you..." Angel kissed the crown of her head. "Most importantly I have you, Buffy. And as long as I do I will do my damndest to see to it that it doesn't happen, but just in case it does..."

"NO!" She almost yelled. "Don't! Don't you dare ask me what I think you're going to ask me, Angel. I won't do it. I won't. I don't give a damn if you and the others did make the promise to each other. I've already been there and done that, and I won't do it again. I'd rather die first."

"You don't mean that, Buffy."

"D-Don't I?" She pulled back to look at him with tear filled eyes. "Do you have any idea what I went through the last time? Do you, Angel?"

"You know I do, Buffy."

"N-No." She shook her head vigorously, and backed out of the circle of his arms. "I d-don't think you do. I-If you did you wouldn't be asking me to do it again."

Angel's own eyes welled up. "You may not have a choice, baby."

"Oh yeah, I-I have a choice, and I've already made it. Faith... Faith can do it. She's the Slayer now."

"You're right. She is the Slayer now. But she's not you, Buffy. She doesn't know Angelus the way you do. She doesn't have what it takes to defeat him. You do."

"Defeat?" Buffy let out a bitter laugh. "Let's get one thing straight here, Angel. I did not defeat Angelus. I killed you! You! And I won't do it again."

"Buffy... Baby, please just listen to me. It won't be me. Not like before. And you know yourself what Angelus is capable of doing. You know he'll come after you first. That's why I'm telling you this. I want you to be prepared. Someone will have to stop him, and you're the only person that can do it."

"I don't care if I am the only one that can do it. I won't do it. I don't care what Angelus is capable of doing. Whether you like it or not he's a part of you, Angel and if I kill him I'm killing you. I won't do it. I won't. If it happens then he'll have to kill me because I won't lift a finger to him. I won't!" She turned to leave but Angel's voice halted her in her tracks before she could reach the door. "He loves you, Buffy. In his own sick twisted way he loves you."

"Then why are you so worried?" She turned around to look at him. "If he loves me he won't kill me."

"You're right. He won't kill you, baby." Angel's eyes locked with hers. "He'll drink you dry and make you his eternally, and I can't bear the thought of that."

"Why? At least we'll be together."

"It won't be me and you know it, Buffy. We're not the same two people."

"You're right. You're not the same two people. But you do share the same body... The same face... When I look at him, I see you. If I kill him, I kill you." She shook her head as her tears started up again. "No! I won't do it. I-I can't. I-I'm sorry." A sob tore from her throat. "I c-can't do it. I-I can't do this. You j-just don't k-know... I-I'm sorry." And then she was gone. She turned a fled from the room without another word, and left him standing there in just as much despair as she was in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm back! I finally got a day off! I'm going to work really hard to try and got the remaining chapters done today. I've had to lock the kids up in the closet in order to do it, so pray they don't pick the lock!

Thanks Laura May, Heather, Ryan, Kolumbyne, Isis Blue, Carlina, Raven Raven, Al M., Mary R., Karen H., Kassie Raye, Carolyn B., AngelBuffy99, J. Williams, Jessica, Susan C., Emma, Wendy, Deb, Nikki, Ruth, Christine, Rose, Scully4123, and Shortcake159 for your feedback and emails.

Anita

CHAPTER 37

The Sunnydale gang arrived early the next morning, and Angel was there to greet them without Buffy. His excuse to everyone when they asked about her absence between pleasantries and snide remarks was that she was resting, but the real truth was she didn't even have a clue they were coming. He never actually got around to telling her, or preparing her for their visit because she had locked herself up in their bedroom last night and he hadn't seen her since then. He knew she needed time to sort through everything that he had dumped on her, and even though staying away from her had killed him he had given her that time. He had stayed in the room next to theirs, but he hadn't slept. He couldn't. As long as she was distressed he would be distressed. And to make matters worse there was still all this stuff with Wolfram and Hart he had to deal with. That's the reason behind the Sunnydale gang's visit. They were here to help him protect Buffy, and he knew they wouldn't leave until they were absolutely sure that they had done everything they could do. They loved her. He knew that. And it didn't matter to them that right now she was having trouble believing that. Of course, no matter how much they did love her, he could tell that they were all nervous about seeing her again because of what happened the last time they saw her. And they were nervous. He could tell by the way they were all acting. And then there was the red head standing by the lobby doors, holding a sleeping baby in her arms. She was the most nervous of all. He could tell that right away. That's why he chose to try and ease her nervousness by making his way over to her in the hopes he could draw her further into the hotel. "Willow..." Angel came to a stop in front of her. "How are you?"

"I'm good. It uhh... Talking to you last night helped me alot." She gave him a weak smile. "What about you? Have you umm... calmed down some?"

"A little." Angel murmured and glanced at the bundle in her arms. "May I?"

Willow nodded and pulled the blankets back off the sleeping baby's face. "Angel, I'd like you to meet Elizabeth Anne Osbourne, or better known to everyone as just Annie."

"Hello, Annie." Angel reached out to smooth the red tuft of hair on the little girl's head before looking back up at Willow. "She's beautiful, Willow. Just like her namesake."

"Oh yeah. About that, Angel. I umm... If I had known you and Buffy were going to have a baby... Well, two babies of your own I wouldn't have used the name. It's just... She was my best friend, and even though she's not anymore..." Willow's eyes welled up. "I love her and I just wanted my daughter to know how important she is to me."

"She's still your best friend, Willow." Angel informed her. "And Annie will know that. Not just that, she'll know and love her just as much as we do. You'll see."

"A-Angel, are you saying... Do you think..."

Angel rewarded her with a weak smile of his own. "Just give her time, okay?"

"Okay." Willow nodded and shifted the bundle in her arms. "Now how about you tell me the real reason she's not by your side. Is she okay? Is the..."

"She's fine. Well, as fine as she can be under the circumstances. And the baby is, too. Although she wouldn't tell you that if you were to ask. She's uhh... She's having trouble comprehending that it's real. All of this. Her and I... The baby..."

"Oh." Willow looked away. "I umm... I never thought about that. She umm... She must be a mess."

"She's more than a mess." Angel muttered. "And I have myself to thank for that. I kinda added to the despair she's in and because I did she's now the mess I told you she was."

Willow's eyes flew back to him. "Wh-What happened? Did you two have a fight?"

"No." Angel was the one to look away this time. "I wouldn't exactly call it a fight. I just..." He returned his gaze to her. "Later... I'll tell you about it later. All of you. But first I think you need to lay Annie down and get settled in. I put you in the room across from mine and Buffy's. It was the only other room in the hotel besides ours that's big enough to accomodate Conner's baby bed."

"Conner's baby bed... Angel, you didn't have to..."

"I know. I wanted to." Angel cut her off and said. "Besides, I figured I might as well get it out of the attic anyway. I wanted to show it to Buffy and let her decide if she wanted to use it with the new baby or buy a whole new bed all together."

"I'm sure she'll want to use it considering it was uhh... Conner's. A-And God, I still can't believe that she's uhh... his mother."

"Tell me about it. I'm still in shock myself. But it explains alot."

"You were jealous, weren't you?"

"I don't think jealous quite describes what I felt, Willow."

Willow giggled. "Figures."

"Couldn't help it." Angel muttered. "And then when Finn showed up... Let's just say I didn't handle that well either. Every since I found out she was back I've said and done things I know hurt her, but at the time I didn't know what else to do. I made so many mistakes, and because I did I almost lost her all together."

"But you didn't, Angel. And I'm sure Buffy knows why you did what you did. She knows did out of love for her, and I'm sure she loves you for it even more. And she does love you, Angel. Don't doubt that. She always has and always will. I always knew that. That's why I believe that whatever it is going on between the two of you now you'll get through it. You just need to give her time. Isn't that what you told me?"

"Yes." I just hope to God we get that time. He added silently.

****

"You know it'll kill him if you do what you're thinking of doing."

"No, it won't. Conner..."

"Promised you he wouldn't let that happen, and he'll do everything in his power to see to it that it doesn't, but unfortunately it won't be enough. It'll happen and there's nothing he'll be able to do to stop it."

"Is that why you're here? Did they send you to show me the future? To try and scare me?"

"So you know who I am."

"Yes, and you didn't answer my question. Did they send you here to try and scare me?"

"No. They sent me here to remind you that together you are strong, alone you are dead."

"And he'll die? You're sure?"

"Yes. But not just him. All of them. That's why they sent you back. To prevent it. To fulfill your true destiny."

"What do you mean they sent..." Buffy finally spun away from the balcony doors she had been staring out of since last night.

The little girl sitting in the middle of Angel and Buffy's makeshift bed raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "What? Did you honestly believe..." She startled to giggle, but quickly changed her mind. Giggling wasn't the answer to this problem. That's why she quickly sobered and met Buffy's questioning gaze. "You were in heaven, Buffy. Heaven. It's the one place that evil can't touch, and it's ruled by the highest of all powers. Do you honestly think that Father would have let a mere witch tear you from there if he didn't want you to leave?" She started to giggle again. "Yeah, I'd really like to see that happen."

Buffy stared at the little girl in shock. "A-Are you saying... The powers... They sent me back? It wasn't..."

"Willow was the vessel. The one the powers chose to see to it that you made it back to this plane. But if you think that's the real shocker, you're wrong. The real shocker is that the decision to send you back wasn't made by the powers at all. It was made by the almighty himself. He just left it up to the powers under him to see to it that you were returned safely. Of course, after everything that's happened he's a little upset that he didn't see to things himself. As usual evil forces were... are at work trying to screw things up. That's why I'm here. He sent me to tell you that it's time to let go of all your fears and be the warrior he knows you can be. He wants you to know that the victors do get the spoils, and you will get yours. In fact, you already have. You got what you always wanted."

"Angel..." Buffy answered without thought. "But if that's the case then why did he..."

"Seperate the two of you to start with?" The little girl cut her off and finished asking the question.

Buffy nodded.

"The answer's simple really. It wasn't time. The two of you needed the seperation to become stronger people and warriors. If Angel had stayed in Sunnydale he would have forever stayed in your shadow, and gladly at that. That wasn't his destiny. His destiny was... is to be your equal. The two of you are the circle that should have never been broken, Buffy. And your true destiny as equals is to add to that circle and form an unbreakable ring just like the rings the two of you will slip on each others fingers the day you bound your souls to each other eternally. In fact, as you now know you've already started to fill that circle. You started with Conner and then there is..."

"You..." Buffy finished for the little girl.

"Yes. There's me. But there's a good chance that I may not even be born. Especially if you do what you were thinking of doing before and when I arrived. You can't do that, Buffy. If you do you and I aren't the only ones that will be lost. If you die the world as we know it will not survive what is coming. You are the one that it is needed to help form the circle of warriors that it will take to defeat it. You. No one else in existance is capable of being Angel's equal. His Mo Anam Chara..."

"B-But..." Buffy's eyes welled up. "What about Wolfram and Hart... Angel..."

"Together you are strong, alone you are dead." The little girl simply said.

"Okay." Buffy sniffled. "I get that now. But that still doesn't answer my question. How can we defeat them if we don't know what we're dealing with? And then there's the fact that they always seem to be one step ahead of us."

"That's true. And all I can tell you is if you want to put a stop to it you'll have to learn to hear what they hear. Learn to see what they see. And as for defeating them... You can't win a war without an army, and believe it or not you do have an army of warriors just waiting to be lead into battle, Buffy. So why not go lead them? You and Angel. Go fight for the life you deserve."

God, Buffy wanted to. She wanted to do that more than anything, but at the same time she still had fears and doubts. "B-But what if... What if I've already lost him... He umm... I wasn't exactly the understanding Buffy I told him I'd be last night. I said things... I freaked..."

"Love is a never ending battle, Buffy. You of all people should know that. Still, even though it is don't you think it's worth fighting for instead of running away from? Especially when all that running does is lead you back to him. I think that with in itself should show you that the two of you belong together.

Buffy's eyes welled up again. "H-How did you get to be so smart?"

The little girl broke into a smile that was very familiar to Buffy, and just as heartwarming. "You tell me..." She quickly sobered again. "And while you're doing that I have a few other things to tell you. Things I think will help in the battle."

****

"A-And you're sure she's okay?"

"I told you on the phone last night she was fine, Giles. And physically she is fine. She hasn't had any migraines lately. I think Fred was right."

"Me?" Fred looked up from Angel from her seat at the table. "What was I right about?"

"That theory you had about Buffy not wanting to remember before. How whatever it was that she didn't want to remember may be too painful and because it was her brain acted as sort of an electrical fence and kept shocking her back whenever she got close to that painful memory. I think you were right. Not completely, but you were on the right track. It wasn't that she didn't want to remember. I believe she did. I just think she didn't want anyone else to know what it was she was trying to remember."

"Or more like who." Giles murmured and looked over at Conner. "Even then she was trying to protect him. Because of what you told me last night."

Angel nodded. "And then add the fact that underneath all that she felt like she wasn't worthy of being Conner's mother and I think you get the picture. Mentally and emotionally she was a wreck, and we all know that when she's in that shape she doesn't eat. Combine all those factors to the head injury she suffered and all of them can add up to her migraines from hell. I think once the truth came out about Conner and she was able to deal with some of the baggage she was carrying around that helped her alot. Thus ending a large amount of the stress she was feeling. And she's eating now as well. I see to that myself, and I think it's those factors that have put an end to her migraines."

"But you don't think that'll last, do you?"

"I don't know, Giles." Angel sighed. "Like I said, physically she's fine, but emotionally... Emotionally... That's a different story." He stood up from the table to take his empty plate to the sink. "Emotionally she's a wreck. I shouldn't have told her about Wolfram and Hart and what they had planned for Angelus." He placed his plate in the sink before turning back around to look at the group gathered around the kitchen table. "And I sure as hell should have never asked her to be the one to destroy him if he should return."

"I umm... I-I gather she didn't take to the idea very well." Giles asked before nervously removing his glasses to clean them.

"She didn't take to it at all, Giles. And I shouldn't have expected her to."

"Maybe you shouldn't have, Angel. But everyone that was involved during Angelus' last tour of destruction know as well as you and I do that she is the only one capable of bringing him down."

"Man..." Gunn murmured from his seat beside Fred. "I heard she was good. Even saw some of that goodness with my own eyes, but I never could have imagined she was that good."

"W-Well, she is." Giles informed Gunn as he slid his glasses back on his face and turned to look at him. "Or at least she was... Before Buffy jumped through that portal she was in my opinion one of the greatest, if not the greatest, slayers to ever live. God only knows what she would have been capable of accomplishing if she had reached her full potential."

"You mean..." Wesley looked over at Giles. "You don't think she had?"

"No." Giles calmly informed Wesley. "And like I said before, God only knows what she would have been capable of accomplishing if she had."

"Damn!" Gunn sat up in his chair. "Now that's my kind of woman."

"Umm, honey?" Fred tapped on Gunn's shoulder. "In case you've forgotten Fiancee' and future wife over here, remember?"

"And me." Angel chimed in by growling. "Don't forget about me, Gunn. It would pay for you to remember that Buffy is my mate. My pregnant mate."

"That means no looking, no touching... Hell, who am I kidding?" Spike chimed in, and looked over at Gunn. "That means you don't even think about the girl in any way, Charlie boy. I know from experience what the bloody wanker will do to you if you even think bad thoughts about that mate of his, and now that she's pregnant with a wee one... Well, let's just say that that only triples his protectiveness of her. Oh, and don't forget to add the fact that he's also the only vampire in existance to reproduce..." He shivered. "Not good... The odds that you'll survive what he'll do to you is like a kazillion to one."

"Thanks for the warning, Spike." Gunn muttered.

"Don't mention it." Spike tipped a finger to Gunn then returned his gaze to his Grand Sire. "Okay, Peaches the floor's all yours again."

"As I was saying..." Angel ignored Spike and returned his gaze to Giles. "I umm... I think Wolfram and Hart will back off for now, but that doesn't mean they'll abandon their goal. They'll be back just as soon as they devise up another plan to make my life a living hell. Add that to the fact that the truth is out now about Conner's true parentage and this new prophecy, and I think you all know what we're facing..."

"So what do we do about it?" Conner finally spoke up and asked.

"We'll do what we did before... What we'll still do to protect you, Conner. You, your mother, and your sist... the new baby."

"And you."

"Yes, and me." Angel answered.

"Yeah, but how do you propose we do that, Dad?"

Angel crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back against the sink. "We use any means possible to us. That's why all of you are here."

"No. Not all of us are here. And I'm really pissed off about that. Shame on you, Angel." Suddenly a body came slidding across the kitchen floor followed by one very livid golden blonde. She crossed the room in quick strides, stepping over the over the unconscious man in the process, and then proceeded to nail Angel to the floor with her firey eyes. "I can see that talk I had with you last night about us sharing everything and being equals didn't exactly sink into that thick skull of yours."

"I can explain, Buffy." Angel pushed away from the sink.

"If I were you I wouldn't even attempt it, Angel." She spat. "I told you I was pissed at you."

"I can see that, Buffy." He looked down at the unconscious man laying at his feet. "But did you have to go and kill one of my potential clients just because you are?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "God, Angel! Are you sure you have vampire hearing? Last time I checked the man still had a heartbeat!"

Angel's eyes narrowed as he realized she was right. "Okay, you didn't kill him, but it still doesn't explain to me why you beat him up in the first place, Buffy."

"I didn't beat him up." Buffy held what she was holding in her hands up for Angel to see. "I simply hit him upside the head with this and knocked his sorry ass out. And for your information he is not a potential client. He works for Wolfram and Hart. But if you think I was shocked about that you're wrong. Oh no, the real shocker came when he told me that they sent him here at your request. Something about an engagement ring."

"Damn. I forgot about that." Angel muttered.

"You forgot or just wasn't going to tell me, Angel?" Buffy growled when Angel opened his mouth to answer her, and the sound of it sent his mouth clamping shut again. "How could you, Angel?" She spat in disgust. "How could you even think about giving me an engagement ring paid for by them? And not just that, it's my understanding that it wasn't just going to be just any old engagement ring. He told me it was going to be one with lots of carrots. Why the hell would I want to wear carrots on my finger, Angel?"

"It's karats as in the size of the diamond, Buffy. Not carrots as in the vegetable."

"I don't believe it." She informed him. "You mean to tell me you're actually listening to me?"

"What?" Angel asked in confusion.

"I knew that." She spat again. "I mean, I know what karats mean. I just said that because I wanted to see if you were paying attention."

"Paying attention to what, Buffy?"

"Paying attention to what I'm about to say, Angel. And you'd better pay attention because I'm only going to say this once." She stepped over the unconscious man on the floor, and closed the distance to him. "I know what you tried to do here, Angel. I know, and as pissed off as I am at you right now, believe it or not at the same time it makes me love you even more. This was you trying to give me the best. Am I right?"

"Not just the best, Buffy." He locked eyes with her. "I want you to have the wedding of your dreams. Our dreams..."

Buffy reached up to cup his cheek. "If that's true then give me the same wedding we had on the night of my seventeenth birthday. Only this time do it with a minister, and family present. That's the wedding of my dreams, Angel."

Angel's eyes welled up. "Really?"

"Uh huh. Really." Buffy's own eyes grew watery. "Do you think you can do that?"

"Yeah." He gave her one of his lopsided smiles. "I think I can do that."

"Good." She returned his smile then quickly sobered. "Now pick up the unconscious man and toss him out on his ass. We already have enough uninvited eyes and ears in this place without throwing him into the round."

"Speaking of that..." Angel's eyes moved to the camera in Buffy's hand. "How did you... I figured it out yesterday, and I planned on telling you last night, but... How did you... Where did you find it?"

"I'll give you one guess."

The look on her face was all the answer Angel needed. "Buffy..." He reached for her, but she dodged his embrace and began to pace back and forth. "No, Angel. I'm through being CryBuffy. It's like I told you before. I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I defeated a Hell God, so I think I can handle a bunch of slimy demon lawyers. Besides, nobody messes with my husband and gets away with it. Our son either! Nobody! I'll kick some serious ass if they even attempt to harm a hair on either one of your heads."

"Buffy?"

"What?" She stopped her pacing to look at him.

"You called me husband."

"I-I did?"

Angel nodded. "Say it again."

"Husband."

"Again." He gently ordered as he closed the distance to her, and pulled her into his arms.

"Husband." She repeated as she looked into his eyes and felt herself began to drown.

"Oh, God..." Cordelia groaned from the forgotten group at the table. "Here we go again."

"No. No." Buffy shook her head to clear it. "Here we do not go again. "Later..." She stood up on tiptoe to brush a kiss across Angel's lips. "Later." She spun around to look at the others. "Right now though we have some house cleaning to do. Now split up in pairs. Search every room of this place from top to bottom."

At first no one made a move to get up. They simply sat there and stared at Buffy. That was until she began to fell a little uneasy. "Well? What the hell are you guys waiting on? Just because this isn't another apocalypse doesn't mean we can't work together, right?" She turned around to look at Angel. "Right?"

"Right." He rewarded her with one of his million dollar smiles.

"Okay then..." She turned back around to look at the others. "You heard the man, people. Let's get a move on." She clapped her hands together. "Chop! Chop!" The group finally began to get up. "Oh, and Xander..."

"Wh-Who me?" Xander stammered at Buffy in surprise, and Buffy couldn't help but giggle. "Yes you, silly. Do you know anyone else by the name of Xander that happens to own part of a construction company?"

"W-Well, uhh...no."

"Good." Buffy rewarded him with a smile. "Because he's the one I want to hire to do some remodeling to this place."

"Remodeling?" Angel felt himself began to panic. "Buffy... Baby, why would you want to hire someone to remodel this place?"

"You told me if I gave you what you wanted you would give me free reign." Buffy turned back around to look at him. "Was that a lie, Angel?"

"No, but, Buffy..."

"It's okay, honey..." Buffy stood up on tiptoe to kiss the worry lines away from around Angel's lips. "Don't worry. I'm not going to change very much. Just our bedroom and few other things."

"Our bedroom? There's nothing wrong with our bedroom, Buffy. Well, maybe aside from the fact we don't have a bed, that is."

"Actually, honey there's a little more wrong with it now."

"Now? What do you mean there's a little more wrong with it now?"

"Well, I uhh..." She quickly kissed him. "I'll tell you if you promise not to get mad."

"Buffy..."

"Oh, okay!" She pulled away from him. "I sorta demolished our bedroom looking for our little infestation problem."

"Oh." Angel stared down into her face. "In that case I guess a little remodeling will be necessary."

"So I take it you're not mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad. Before the day is over I'm sure they'll be a hell of a whole lot more demolished than just our bedroom."

"I had a funny feeling you'd say that." She gave him another kiss. "Now here's where Xander comes in. We're going to need some remodeling done, and Xander owns part of a construction company, so who better to hire to do the repairs we need than him? I'm sure he'd be happy to do the work for us, and at a nicely discounted price at that." Buffy turned back around to look at Xander. "Am I right, Xander?"

"Well, I uhh..." Xander cut his glance to Angel, who was vigorously shaking his head yes while sending him a I'll kill you if you don't do this look at the same time, and knew he didn't have a choice. Not if he wanted to live anyway. "Of course, I'll do it." He smiled at Buffy while he warily eyed her mate over the top of her head. "Anything for the Buffster."

"Thanks, Xan." Buffy rewarded him with another smile.

"Don't mention it." Xander replied and began to file out of the room with the others, but not before shooting one more worried glance at Angel.

"Welcome back, Mom." Conner leaned over and whispered in Buffy's ear as he moved to follow the others out of the room.

"Thanks, honey." Buffy said as she watched him and the others disappear. She didn't turn back to face Angel until she was sure the others were all gone, and when she did it was to find him watching her with his dark orbs. "What?" She walked over to lay the small video camera she had been holding down on the table before facing him again.

"You..." He murmured as he continued to look at her. "Are you going to tell me what brought this about face on?"

"Later..." She closed the distance to him again, and leaned up to feather another kiss across his lips before pulling away to look at him. "The next time we're alone I expect us to be really really alone, and in order for us to be that way we have to make sure our little problem is taken care of first." She gave him another quick kiss, spun on her heels, made an illicit gesture with a certain finger on one of her hands to any possible hidden eyes, said take that you slimy bastards, then disappeared, leaving a chuckling Angel in her wake. "So now you know. Why she has my heart. All of me actually." He murmured to uninvited ears. "That's my girl." He broke into a smile. "Amazing, isn't she?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks Ryan, Kristen M., Kolumbyne, Ruth, Isis Blue, Susan, Emma, Dragonqueen, Wendy, Deborah, Karin Marie, Christine, Karen H., Laura May, Al M., Kassie Raye, Mary R., Raven Raven, and Tiff for your feedback on chapter 37.
Anita

CHAPTER 38

Angel turned away from shutting and locking the balcony doors to his and Buffy's bedroom later that night just as Buffy stepped out of the bathroom from taking a shower, and he couldn't help but inwardly laugh at her attire. "Feel better?"

"No." Buffy mumbled, and self consciously cinched the belt to her long flannel robe tighter. And her nervous gesture immediately sent Angel into action. "Come here." He opened his arms, and she didn't waste any time taking him up on the comfort he was offering her.

"So tell me..." He murmured against her hair. "What happened to that *take this you slimy bastards* woman I saw this morning?"

"She disappeared about four video cameras, and thirty listening devices ago." She muttered into his chest.

"Buffy..."

"God, Angel I umm..." She pulled away to look at him. "I guess this is the part where we should talk, huh?"

"Mmm..." He reached up to sweep a stray hair from her cheek. "This is later, and we are alone."

"A-Are you sure about that?" She asked meekly as she searched his face.

"Absolutely positive." He leaned down to feather a kiss across her lips before pulling away to look at her again. "Now about last night... I want to start our talk by saying I'm..."

"No!" Buffy's hand flew up to cover his mouth. "Don't say it. Don't you dare tell me you're sorry, Angel."

Angel pushed her hand away. "Buffy..."

"No, Angel!" Buffy's hand slid back in place to cover his retort. "I need to say something first, so just listen for a sec, okay?" He tried to reply, but her hand over his mouth prevented him from doing so. That's why she went ahead with what she had been wanting to say to him all day. "About last night... When you told me what Wolfram and Hart had planned for you last night... For A-Angelus... I freaked. I admit it. I couldn't help it. But some things have come to light that has got me to thinking and I realize now that once again I was being selfish Buffy. I was so concerned with my own pain to stop and think about yours. I never not once stopped to think about how hard it must have been for you to talk to me about Angelus much less ask me what you asked me to do if he should ever return. And that's why I don't want you to apologize to me. Once again it's time I showed I love you by being the one to say I'm sorry, and ask you for your forgiveness for my not taking your feelings into consideration." Her eyes welled up as they connected with his. "And I do love you. I love you so much, Angel. All of you. And whether we like it or not Angelus is a part of you. That's why I freaked last night when you asked me to do what you asked me to do. That's why I can't even begin to think about killing Angelus if Wolfram and Hart should succeed in their goal. He's a part of you. And I won't kill him. Killing him means killing you, and I can't... won't do it. Quite honestly, I don't even want to think about doing it. And do you want to know the real reason why?"

Angel removed her hand from his mouth again. "Why?"

"You're why, Angel. Conner's why." She brought their interlaced hands down to her flat stomach to rest there. "And our daughter's why."

Angel's eyes widened in surprise. "Daughter? Buffy, how do you know that we're going to have a daughter?"

Buffy locked eyes with him. "How do you?"

The look in Buffy's eyes gave Angel all the answer he needed. "You saw her, too."

Buffy nodded. "Not just that, Angel. I talked to her. She's the one that tipped me off about our little bug problem. But that's not all she told me. She told me alot of things, Angel. About our destinys. She told me we're the circle that should have never been broken. And our true destinys as equals is to add to that circle and form an unbreakable ring just like the rings the two of us will slip on each others fingers the day we bound our souls to each other eternally. And that's the real reason I can't or won't kill Angelus. Together we are strong, alone we are dead, Angel. I believe that with all my heart now. I believe that whatever may come... that if Angelus figures into the picture... We'll over come it. We will. And let's not forget about the rest of our family. They'll do everything within their power to help us see that it doesn't. Especially a certain red headed witch. She's very powerful, you know? Brought me back from the dead. Back to you. So who's to say that if she can do that that she can't find away to see to it that Angelus doesn't reappear?"

"Buffy..."

"I know. I know, Angel. You want to earn your redemption all on your own. And you will. I know it. All I'm saying is that I believe that as long as we're together and have the love of our family and friends to help support us we can face whatever may come, and beat it. I believe that with all my heart."

Angel's eyes welled up as he lifted her hand up to brush a kiss across her knuckles. "I love you. Have I told you that lately?"

"N-No." Buffy said in a very emotional voice. "N-Not today you haven't."

"Well, I do. And you know what else?" Angel reached for her and pulled her back into his arms.

"W-What?"

"I'd like very much to show you just how much."

"I-I think I'd like that." Buffy gave him a teary smile. "I-I think I'd like that..."

She never got to finish telling him how much she'd like that because Angel's lips came down to silence her. How long they stood there drinking from each other was beyond either one of them. All Angel knew was that when he pulled away to let her breathe he wanted and needed this woman with everything inside of him, and he had every intention of showing her that, but the moment he reached for the belt of her robe his plans got put on hold. "A-Angel, wait..." Buffy said a little breathlessly as her own hands came up to cover his.

"What?" He searched her face. "What's wrong?"

"I umm..." Buffy worried her bottom lip for a moment then looked up at him through pained eyes. "Do umm... Do you think we could turn out the lights?"

That one simple plea brought him back to his senses. He'd had a suspicion this would happen, and as much as it pained him he knew he couldn't let it. She was right. They could do anything as long as they were together. Even overcome this. And they would. He was about to prove that to her. "No, Buffy. We're not turning out the lights." He answered a little huskily. "I want to see your face when I make love to you."

"B-But..."

His hands came up to frame her face, as he cut her off with one simple question. "Do you trust me, Buffy?"

Buffy's eyes locked with his. "With my life."

"Then no but's..." He leaned down to seal her lips with a mind blowing kiss. So mind blowing she didn't even realize that he had swept her up in his arms and left their bedroom until her feet were back on the ground, and he was tearing his lips from hers again. Then and only then did she realize where they were at. "Angel, why are we..."

"Shh..." He silenced her with another quick kiss then turned her around to take in the view before her. A view that made Buffy gasp, and tears well up in her eyes again. "Oh, Angel..."

"Do you like it?" He asked as he pulled her back against him.

"I-It's beautiful..." Buffy whispered as she took in the king size canopy bed sitting in the middle of the hotel rooftop surrounded by hundreds of vanilla scented candles. "B-But I don't understand..." She turned back around to look at him. "When did you have time to do all this?"

"Let's just say I had a little help." Angel said mysteriously, and couldn't help but smile. "I know you wanted to go bed shopping together, but I saw this bed in a antique store a couple of weeks ago, and I couldn't help but picture us in it. Of course, that's all I had planned on doing with it... Just picturing us making love in it. That was until I sorta destroyed the other bed in our room. Who said things don't happen for a reason? It was meant for us to share this bed. That's why I saw it that night in the store window. I know it now. The only problem was I was afraid the antique dealer might have sold it by now. You don't know how happy I really was when I put in a call to him today and he told me he still had it."

"Were you happy enough to lose your soul?" Buffy looped her arms around his neck.

"Close. But not quite." Angel replied as he pulled her closer. "There's only one thing that can make me that happy, and I'm looking at her. About to make love to her actually."

Buffy couldn't help but smile. "So that's what this is all about? You're planning on getting lucky, mister?"

"No. No planning to it. I've been lucky since the day you knocked me on my ass in that alley, Buffy. The making love with you is just a little added bonus. A bonus I'm looking forward to getting very soon and on numerous occassions throughout the rest of my existance." His lips inched towards hers. "Would you care for me to demonstrate?"

Buffy stared at his incoming mouth. "Y-You want to make love up here? Now?"

"Mmm... It's just you and me, baby. No one else. Just us. I want to make love to you until the sun comes up, and then we'll make love again after we watch it rise in the sky together. We never got to do that the last time, remember? And I want to. I want that more than anything."

"Oh, Angel..." Buffy's eyes welled up again, but any thing else she may have said was completely forgotten as his lips finally found their target, and began a slow tantalizing journey down her face to her throat and the small scar there. His mark... She belonged to him, and the raised skin he was taking his time laving on proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Buffy belonged to him, and he felt a fierce amount of pride well up in his chest as he broke the kiss, and stepped back away from her to finally undo the tie at her waist. His eyes hungrily feasted on her, drank in every beautiful inch of her creamy skin. "Beautiful. Just beautiful. And mine..." He growled possessively as he reached out to pull her back into his arms. "All mine."

"All yours." Buffy answered in agreement, and raised her lips to his. "Now show me."

It was an invitation Angel wasn't about to turn down. He couldn't. Not when his entire being, including his demon was screaming out for her. He needed her. God, how he needed this woman. That's why he didn't waste anymore time. He quickly swept her up in his arms and carried her to the bed in the middle of the hotel rooftop.

Everything after that was like a dream to Buffy. She barely comprehended Angel setting her down on the edge of the bed or watching him as he made his clothes disappear before he was back again, nudging her legs apart and leaning over her to claim her lips in another heated kiss.

The sensations Angel was stirring up in her was like glitter being sprinkled all over her insides. Until everything inside of her shimmered. She felt like she was on cloud nine, and had to grip his hips for balance even though she was sitting down as he once again worked his way down the side of her neck to the mark there. The moment he made contact her hands slid up his sides in a dreamy rhythm as her head fell back in surrender.

Angel recognized that surrender, heard it in the small moan as his lips came back up to brush over hers in a teasing taste before coming back in for a second larger one. And the sound of it nearly brought him to his knees. Slow and sweet, he'd been telling himself since the moment he'd pulled her into his arms. She needed that. Especially now. But as usual his need for her reared up and snagged into him with jagged teeth. Soft kisses grew larger, and deeper. It seemed his whole body was truly alive with the taste of her, rich and female and perfect. Before he knew it his body was crushing hers to the mattress of the bed, the heated impact of hers burning into his skin like holy water, and once again bringing him to his senses. Slow down. Slown down. He ordered himself. This isn't about you. It's about her. She's been ravaged enough. Both physically and mentally... With that thought he tore his lips from her, pressed them to the mark on the curve of her throat once more, and just held her until the rage of his need settled.

Buffy was floating... Too tangled in her own sensations to note the changes in rhythm. Dreamily, she turned her head, found his mouth again, and slid them both back into another mind blowing kiss. It seemed like her bones were dissolving, and the pressure in her belly wasn't that nagging pain anymore. Glorious. The feeling in her gut was glorious feeling. Everywhere Angel touched her, a part of her lit up. This was making love was all she could think. And Angel was the only man that she could do this with. The only man she had ever been able to do this with.

Meanwhile, Angel was lost in his own sensations. He wanted more of Buffy. All of her. And it was that raw need that drove him into slipping her robe from her body, and send it sailing into a pool atop his own clothes beside the bed. To please himself even more, he trailed his fingertips along the top of her breasts.

The moment his fingertips made contact with Buffy's skin, she felt an electrical shock go through her. "A-Angel..."

"Conner was right." He murmured, watching her face. "You're definitely a woman. And more than a mouthful is a waste."

"W-What?" Buffy blinked in confusion.

"Later." Angel chuckled. "I'll explain later." And then his face instantly sobered as his eyes connected with hers again. "Right now I want to love you." He said quietly, then reached out to cup her breasts in his hands.

Ahh, there it was again. That quick jerk of electrical shock, and the glimmer of recognition of his touch in her eyes. He smiled in satisfaction and slowly rubbed his thumbs over her nipples, watching those emerald jewels of hers blur, and begin to flutter shut. "No, baby. Don't close your eyes. There won't be any darkness when you and I are together. Not anymore. Besides, I told you I want to see your face... your eyes when I make love to you."

So Buffy opened her eyes, and Angel watched her face as he enjoyed her. As he loved her silky skin, tumbled hair, soft curves, and subtle dips. Every where his hands skimmed over her, she would quiver, and that feeling was a pleasure to both of them because he saw it mirrored in her eyes. When he tasted her, the world did slip away until there was nothing but the rage of her own pulse and the hot glory of his mouth on her skin.

Rip for release, Buffy arched against Angel's hand when he covered her. Moved against his as the ache sweetened and the sweetness became unbearable. His mouth came down on hers, catching her cry of pleasure. He gave her more, more until her breath was sobs and her body was molten. The eyes he wanted to see so badly were blind now, and skin glowing and damp. It wasn't only her world that slipped away, but his as well. She was all that was heat in it. He said her name once, then slid into her. Heat into heat, need into need, strong and deep. Holding there, holding, until she wrapped herself around him.

Joined now, they moved together. Long, slow strokes that fed the soul. Dazzled, she smiled. Light shimmered like the brilliance of a diamond as his lips curved in response and met hers. This, Buffy thought, was the real magic. The most powerful. And clinging to it, she leapt off the edge and he watched her in wonderment and love before finally giving in and soaring over it with her.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings but I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you're the one I share my life with...
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

They made love through the night, and in between those loving sessions Buffy laid curled against Angel, not wanting any kind of distance between them anymore.

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Just before dawn, with the light of the new morning shimmering in the sky and on their bed, Angel reached for Buffy again. Made lazy love to her that left her cocooned in love and feeling happy. Happier than she'd ever been. Or so she thought. Of course, she was about to find out differently. And the reason why came from Angel's lips just as she was about to drift off to sleep in his arms.

"Buffy?"

"Hmm?" She said as she burrowed deeper into his arms.

"Marry me. And I'm not talking about in a forced wedding. I want you with me for as long as time will allow us to have. As my mate... my wife..." Buffy's eyes flew open to find his chocolate one's staring back at her in anticipation. "So will you? Marry me, I mean."

Buffy searched his face. "Are you ready to let me be your equal?"

"Yes." He answered honestly. "But I think the real question here is are you ready to let me be yours?"

"Forever." She whispered. "That's the whole point, right?"

He nodded. "So is that a yes? Please God say that that's a yes, Buffy."

"Yes." She smiled at him through teary eyes. "That's a yes."

"Thank God." Angel muttered in relief and leaned over to brush a kiss across her lips before pulling away to look at her again. "And just wait, I'm going to make you happy. You'll see."

Buffy's hand came up to cup his cheek. "You already have." And it wasn't a lie, she thought, as she drifted off to sleep a little while later after yet another round of lovemaking with him. She was happy. Heavenly happy...

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

****

Buffy wasn't sure what it was besides the call of nature that drove her from her lover's arms later that morning. Not until she had stepped back out into the hallway outside hers and Angel's room, and then there it was, a baby's cry, coming from the closed door across from her. At first, she thought she was imagining it, and started to ignore it and head back up to the rooftop and Angel, but as she turned to head down the hallway it sounded again. And this time she knew it was real. Very real. And obviously the baby making it was very upset about something. So upset that her own new and impending motherhood caused her protective instincts to kick into overdrive to seek he or she out and help it.

It only took her a second to reach the closed door that the crying was coming from, and she didn't even stop to think about knocking because of her haste to get to the baby and soothe it. Not that she needed to soothe it. As it turned out, the minute she opened the door the crying stopped. Still, those protective instincts of hers was demanding that she make sure the child was okay, and she barely took note of the baby bed as she closed the distance to it. She just needed to see what or who was in it, and the minute her eyes landed on them she was a goner. There laying, staring up at her with the brightest green eyes, was a little girl with a red tuft of hair crowning her head. And it was a little girl... Willow's little girl... There was no doubt about it in Buffy's mind. The red hair only confirmed it.

A goner... Buffy was a goner. How could she not be when those beautiful green eyes were looking up at her with such trust... like she had known her her entire short life. "I umm..." Buffy reached over into the crib to touch the little girl, but drew her hand back before making actual contact. "H-Hello there, little one. I umm... I'm Buffy."

The baby smiled at Buffy and the sight of it brought tears to Buffy's eyes. "God... You umm... You look like your mommy when you do that." The only response Buffy got from the little girl came in the form of her lips puckering up and more crying to escape from them. "Oh, jeepers... I umm... I didn't mean that in a bad way. Honest." Again the only response Buffy got from the little girl was more crying, and once again Buffy's protective instincts kicked into overdrive. "Hey, you..." So much so she reached over into the crib and picked the baby up without thought. "Shh... It's okay. Don't cry. Please don't cry, baby." She brought the baby to her chest and began to walk and bounce her at the same time. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here, and I'll take care of you. I'm your Aunt Buffy, and aunt's can be just as nice as mommy's sometimes, I swear." She continued to walk and bounce the baby until her crying ceased, and then and only then did she pull away enough to look at the little girl cradled in her arms. "S-See, I told you aunt's could be as nice as mommy's sometimes. A-And okay... I just realized I'm an aunt." She looked back down into the little girl's green eyes. "I-I'm an aunt. I-I'm your Aunt Buffy." Suddenly she busted out crying. "Oh God... I'm your Aunt Buffy and I don't even know your name."

"It's Elizabeth Anne Osbourne." A voice murmured from behind Buffy and the baby. "She was named after her namesake... You... But everyone calls her Annie."

Buffy spun around with the baby in her arms to look at the owner of the voice. "Y-You named her after me?"

"Yeah." Willow stepped into the room. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"N-No. I just..." Buffy stared at Willow. "Why?"

"I love you. Isn't that reason enough?"

"I umm... I don't..." Buffy looked down at the baby in her arms again. "She's beautiful."

"Thank you." Willow couldn't help but beam. "And might I add that you don't look so shabby yourself, Aunt Buffy." Her words brought more tears to Buffy's eyes as she stared back down at the little girl in her arms. "I-I feel this overwhelming need to protect her." Buffy looked back up at Willow. "I-Is that how you f-felt the first time you held her."

"That magnified like a million times more. And scared. I was so scared because I was holding this tiny life in my arms, and she needed me... Me... To look after her. To love and take care of her. Still, no matter how scared I was it was also the most wonderful feeling in the world. God, Buffy there's not a more incredible feeling in this world."

"I umm..." Buffy stared down at the little girl again. "I-I know what I feel holding her now, a-and I know what I f-felt when I found out about Conner... B-But it's not the same. I-I don't know what it's like to feel what you felt because I d-didn't give Conner life. I didn't get to hold him the way you did... d-do her. I don't know how to feel what you feel because I never got to experience it first hand."

"Yes, you have, Buffy. Just because you didn't get to hold Conner in your arms after he was born doesn't mean you haven't experienced those feelings. Think back to the very first time you saw Conner and realized he was yours. Do you remember what you felt?"

Buffy nodded. "I umm... I remember looking at him and thinking h-he was the most beautiful thing in this world, a-and even though he wasn't a baby anymore h-he was still my b-baby. Mine. Mine and A-Angel's. I-It was dream come true. H-He was a dream come true." Tears began to course down her cheeks. "A-And God yes, I-I wanted to protect him... K-Keep him safe... Th-That's why I left. I umm... I loved him. I-I loved him so much" She looked back down at the baby in her arms. "A-And he was happy, so I thought... I left so he could h-have the family he deserved. To protect him. Not just from me, but from the evil I knew was out there and could hurt him."

"If that's the case then you know exactly what that feeling is, Buffy. You know because you felt it."

"O-Okay. I know." Buffy looked back up at Willow through tear filled eyes. "B-But is that enough? To make me a m-mommy, I mean?"

Willow locked eyes with Buffy. "You beat your ass it's enough. It's more than enough." At her words Buffy busted out crying again. "W-Willow, I-I'm a mommy. I-I'm a mommy."

"Just sunk in, huh?" Willow half-laughed, half sobbed.

"Uh huh." Buffy nodded, and met Willow's gaze. "W-Willow, about before..."

"Don't..." Willow held up her hand to stop the words she knew was about to leave Buffy's mouth. "I don't think the words I'm sorry are the words that need to be said here, do you? I mean, I was sorry. After I found out where you were, but now...You're happy now?"

"I am." Buffy sniffled and rewarded Willow with a teary smile. "He's all I ever wanted, you know?"

"I know. And now you've got him. H-Him and your babies..." Willow started crying as she stared at Buffy. "A mommy... Buffy, you're a mommy. We're both mommies. "

"I-I know..." Buffy looked back down at Annie. "And an a-aunt. I'm an aunt and I umm..." She looked back up at Willow. "D-Do umm... you think you could come over here and introduce m-me to m-my niece?"

"Buffy..." Willow started sobbing, and then Buffy started up again, but eventually Willow did get to introduce Annie to her Aunt Buffy before the tears once again resumed after Willow realized she too was an Aunt, and would soon have another niece or nephew besides the nephew she already had. Tears of joy. The cried tears of joy, and were still crying them when Angel entered the room ten minutes later. "Willow, I heard the crying and thought maybe you could..."

Angel halted in mid sentence the moment his eyes landed on the two sobbing women. "Buffy? Willow? What is it? What's wrong?"

Buffy started sobbing even harder at Angel's question, and then Annie started, too. And once she did little alarms started going off in Angel's head. "Buffy... Baby... What's going on?" He started across the room. "Are you okay? Is something... Will you say something, Buffy? You're scaring me here."

Willow took a crying Annie from Buffy, and turned around to look at Angel just as he reached her. "I-It's okay, Angel. We're okay."

"Uh huh." Angel eyed his crying mate over the top of Willow's head. "If she's okay then why the hell is she crying, Willow?"

"Because it's real."

"What?" Angel's confused and obviously concerned gaze flew back to Willow, and she couldn't help but giggle as she patted her daughter's bottom to shush her crying. "Buffy, finally realized that she's going to be a mommy again."

"Oh." Angel's eyes softened somewhat as they moved back to his still crying mate. "So you're okay?"

"Uh huh." Buffy sobbed. "I-I'm f-fine."

"Then why are you still crying, Buffy?" Angel couldn't help but ask as his eyes grew concerned again.

"I-I don't know."

"Willow..." Angel's panicked gaze flew back to the red head.

"Hormones." Willow blurted out. "That's all it is. Nothing else. I swear." She's fine." She caught the look of doubt on Angel's face as his gaze moved back to Buffy. "But seeing as you're not convinced I'll just uhh... Leave you two alone so you can uhh... Do whatever it is you do to be convinced." She went to move past Angel but he grabbed her arm. "Hormones? You're sure?"

"Yes." Willow giggled again at Angel's look of doubt. "You have to keep in mind that Buffy's always been hormonal, Angel. Add that to the fact that she's pregnant, and well... Do you get the picture now?"

Angel nodded as he continued to eye his mate in concern. "How long?" He choked out. "Because quite honestly, Willow I don't think I can take more than a few minutes of this."

"Try months." Willow patted his arm. "And you'll do fine. Now go do whatever it is you do to comfort her. I'll leave you two alone."

At the mention of Willow leaving Buffy's gaze snapped to the red head. "B-But you can't leave. I-I haven't s-spent any time with m-my niece. A-And then there's y-you. We have a-alot to talk about. Y-You can't leave."

Willow turned around to smile at Buffy. "I'm not going anywhere, Buffy. Just downstairs to feed Annie her breakfast. When you're finished up here why don't you come downstairs and help. We can catch up then, okay?"

Buffy's teary eyes lit up. "Y-You mean you'll let me feed her?"

"Uh huh." Willow nodded and smiled again. "After all, you're going to need the practice, and who better to practice on then your own niece, right?"

"R-Right." Buffy started sobbing again which only caused Angel's face to grow even more concerned. Willow giggled, and patted his arm again. "I'll be downstairs."

Angel nodded, his gaze never leaving Buffy, and once he was sure Willow was gone he wasted no time closing the distance to her. "Buffy..."

"I-I'm fine, A-Angel..." She reasurred him as he pulled her into his arms.

"You're sure?" He searched her tear streaked face.

"Uh huh." She sniffled, and laid her head down on his chest. "I-It just sunk in all of a s-sudden. P-Parents, Angel. W-We're going to be p-parents...A-Again."

"And that scares you. I can tell. Feel it." Angel wrapped his arms around her. "Now tell me why."

"I j-just... W-What if I suck at it, Angel? Th-This mommy thing, I-I mean? I m-missed out on so much with C-Conner. A-And then there's Annie... I-I've been a horrible aunt to her, so who's t-to say I'll be any better at being a m-mother to our d-daughter?"

"I say." Angel simply told her as he pulled back to wipe away her tears. "There's no doubt in my mind that you're going to be a wonderful mother, Buffy. You already are. Okay yes, you missed out on alot of Conner's life as a baby. So did I. It's not even about that. It's about what we feel. What we do to prove to our children that we love them that counts, and I think you've more than proven to Conner that you love him. Not that you have to prove anything to him because you don't. He adores you, baby. That will never change. And our daughter will adore you, too."

"B-But what if I mess up?"

"Every parent does. I-I did. I made lot's of mistakes, Buffy. But I learned from them and I know now not to make the same mistakes with our daughter. The same will hold true for you. Just remember that no matter how many mistakes you make I'm here beside you loving you the same way I know you can love our children, and loving you the same way I know you love me."

"H-How do you do that?" Buffy sniffled as she looked up into his face.

"How do I do what?"

"Always know the right thing to say to me?"

"Easy. I love you." He leaned in to kiss her, but she stopped him before he could make contact. "A-Angel?"

"What, my love?"

"We'll make it won't we?" She locked eyes with him. "No matter how bad things get, we'll make it?"

"Strong is fighting. It's hard, and it's everyday. It's what we have to do, but we can do it, and we can do it together. Someone once told me that, and at the time I wasn't so sure if I wanted to believe it."

"And now?" She searched his face.

"What can I say?" He grinned. "She's a very determined lady. Smart, to boot. She knocked some sense into my head, and now I'm thinking I might marry her."

Buffy's eyes welled up with more tears. "L-Lucky woman."

"No, not lucky woman." Angel murmured just before his lips covered hers. "Lucky man."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Okay, guys. Here it is. The End. I'm sorry it's taken so long to get it out. I didn't forget any of you. I've just been really busy. Anyways, I hope you like it.

Anita

CHAPTER 39

"Whew, what a day."

Angel quickly stuffed what he was reading under the pillow next to him, and looked up at the woman coming out of the bathroom. "Tired?"

"Mmm..." She smiled at him from as she pulled the bathroom door shut. "But it's a good kinda tired. What about you? I mean, look at what all you did today." She gestured to the new bedroom furniture adorning their bedroom. "Are you going to tell me that doing all this, plus all the excitement the last couple of days hasn't made you tired?"

"I'm a vampire, Buffy. I don't get tired."

Buffy sighed and leaned back against the bathroom door. "What am I going to do with you?"

Angel's eyes darkened. "Oh, I can think of a few things."

Buffy felt a shiver shoot down her spine at the look he was giving her, but she quickly recovered and locked eyes with him. "I wasn't talking about that and you know it, Angel. Now get your mind out of the gutter."

"Trust me, baby. My mind wasn't in the gutter. Far from it actually."

"Angel..."

"What?"

"Will you be serious for just a second, please. We have to talk about those protective instincts of yours. Their in overdrive right now."

"And what's wrong with that? You are my mate after all. My pregnant mate. What's wrong with my wanting to protect you and our child... children?"

"It's wrong because I'm pregnant, not an invalid, Angel. I can do my fair share of things around here. 50/50, remember? I don't want you trying to take everything on by yourself. It's too much for you even if you are a half vampire with vampire stamina. Besides, there's more going on here than just your protective instincts. You think I don't know that?"

Angel looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"AHHHH!" Buffy screamed in frustration. "Damnit, Angel! You can't fix everything in my life that is broken!"

"I wasn't..." He denied as his eyes flew back to her.

"You wasn't?" She angrily cut him off and said. "Then what do you call your disappearing act earlier, Angel? You disappeared earlier and left me alone with our house guests, or should I say one house guest in particular? Goes by the name of Giles. Ring any bells now?"

Angel sighed in defeat. "I just thought you two should talk, Buffy."

This time it was Buffy's turn to sigh. "I know. I do. And as much as I would really love to strangle you right now for doing it, for taking matters into your own hands and not giving me the chance to do it on my own, there's also a part of me that loves you even more for being Angel. My Angel."

"So does this mean what I think it means?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, we kissed and made up. Happy now?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On what kind of kissing and making up you two did."

"Trust me, honey. The kissing and making up Giles and I did was nothing like the kissing and making up you and I do."

"Promise?"

"Uh huh." She giggled as she caught the jealous look on his face. "You know I only do that tongue thing I do with just you."

Angel felt himself harden instantly. "Don't do that." He managed to choke out.

"Do what?" Buffy asked innocently as she finally closed the distance to the bed, and reached out to run her hand up his leg.

The minute her hand made contact with his skin he felt himself harden even more. "You know what, Buffy. Keep it up and you're going to find yourself flat on your back. I don't care if you are tired."

"Funny." Before Angel could blink she grabbed his leg and jerked him flat on his back then began to slowly crawl up his body. "I was thinking the same thing about you." She reached his ever growing midsection, took a long look at it, then swung her legs over him to straddle him and pin his hands over his head. "And look, it looks like I got you exactly where I want you." She met his smoldering gaze. "So what are you going to do now, mister?"

"Why don't you let go of me, and I'll show you." Angel grinned wickedly.

"You want me, lover?" She asked as she leaned over to nibble at his bottom lip.

"With everything that's inside of me." He thrust up against her. "Can't you tell?"

"Well, I uhh... I'm not sure. There's definitely something going on with you, but I'm not sure if what's happening is because you're happy to see me or if it's because you're just happy to be as far away from Xander and Spike as possible. I know they were getting on your nerves earlier."

"Trust me, baby. What you're feeling has nothing to do with Xander or Spike. It's all because of you. It's all for you. Only you."

"All of it? For me?" She leaned over to nibble on his bottom lip again. "You're sure?"

"Yes." He growled. "Now let go of me so I can give it to you."

Buffy raised back up to lock eyes with him. "I think I'd rather give it to you this time."

"Buffy..." Angel groaned. "Baby, let go of my hands. I need to touch you."

"You are touching me." She grinded herself against him. "And very nicely at that."

"It's not enough." He moaned as she continued to rock against him. "There's something in the way."

"You're right. There is something in the way." She leaned over him, and ran the tip of her tongue along his ear. "Would you like for me to get rid of it, lover?" She whispered, the raspy sound sending shivers down his spine.

"Yes. God, yes."

"Okay then... Hold on to your hat, mister. This'll only take a second." She whispered as one of her hands slid between them and began a slow decent towards the bulge in his boxers.

"Too long. Hurry."

"Hold your horses, lover. I'm almost..." Buffy murmured in his ear just before she reached his erection, and Angel braced himself in anticipation for her hot hands to make contact, but suddenly, just as he did, she was gone, rolling off his body, and sitting up in the middle of the bed. "Buffy, what the..."

"You tell me." She muttered as she held up the papers he had stuffed under the pillow beside him earlier. "What is this..." Just as she started to ask the question her eyes caught sight of something on the papers and her eyes flew back to his. "Where did you... I'll kill him!"

She went to leave the bed, but Angel grabbed her before she got the chance. "Buffy..."

"Let go, Angel." She spat. "I'm going to kill him!"

"Why?"

"Because he wasn't supposed to give them to you until I..."

"Was dead." Angel finished for her, and met her gaze with his pained one. "A-
Angel..."

"Now who's trying to protect who, Buffy?" Angel cut her off and asked.

The sad look on his face was enough to cool any anger she might have been feeling. "This is about more than just protecting you and you know it, Angel. I wanted you and Conner to have the best, and my leaving the money to the both of you will see to that."

"I think it's more than that, Buffy."

"What do you mean?"

"I think you thought that by leaving us the money it would enable us to walk away from this... From this life. I think you did it because you wanted to give Conner and I the normal life you never had."

"So? What's wrong with that? I love you. The both of you."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Buffy. There's not. But you forgot one very important thing here."He took the papers from her and tossed them over his shoulder.

"Oh really?" Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And what's that?"

"You forgot we're not normal. And by we I mean all of us. You, me, and Conner, Buffy. We are not normal, and no amount of money will ever make us that way. We are who we are. We're fighters for this crazy mixed up world, and we'll die fighters."

"I see. And when exactly did you figure all this out?"

"About the time a certain golden blonde knocked into my head. But you know what?"

"What?" She asked as she looked up into his eyes.

"Why the hell would I want normal when I already have the best? When I already have the one girl in the world for me? My soulmate." He leaned over to brush a kiss across her lips. "No amount of money could replace you or give me a life, Buffy. Only you can do that. You are my life. You and our children."

Buffy did her best the push the tears back that were threatening. She wouldn't cry. Not when she knew how much it hurt him for her to do it. Even if it was happy tears. "S-So when you say children does that mean you want more?" Buffy's arms dropped to her sides. "Besides the one you've already knocked me up with, and the one we've already got, I mean?"

"Well..." Angel pulled her up against him. "This prophecy did fortell of our children being a long line of warriors."

"Yeah, but as you know prophecies can be tricky little boogers so we really can't be for sure just how long long is to the powers."

"That's true."

"But?"

"Huh?" Angel asked confused as he tried to concentrate on what she was saying instead of what having her body pressed up against him again was doing to him.

"But if you were to take a guess, Angel. How long do you think they mean by a long line?"

"Oh. I umm... Well, if I were to take a guess I would say at least eight to ten."

"Eight to ten! Angel, I can't have eight to ten children."

"Why not?" He locked his dark orbs with hers. "You're rich. You can afford it."

"That's true. But eight to ten, Angel? Who'll help me take care of them?"

"I will." He pulled her closer. "And just think about how much fun we'll have making them."

A shiver shot down Buffy's spine at his words despite the panic she was feeling. "Fun! You call having eight to ten children fun, Angel?"

"No. I call it a dream come true."

"B-But eight to ten..." Buffy opened her mouth to argue with him, but she never got the chance because his lips came down to smother any further argument she may have had. And a long while later when she was laying wrapped up in his arms in their bed she couldn't help but think what a silly argument it had been to start with. God, who the hell was she kidding? This was her dream come true, too. Having and making babies with him. Having him by her side forever. It was more than her dream come true. Way more. This was heaven. Her heaven...

****

Nine months later...

The last twenty hours or so had been the longest of Conner's life he thought as he looked at the clock on the wall for probably the zillionth time before resuming his pacing. Jesus Christ, how long did it take to give birth to a baby anyway? Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks as a terrible thought hit him and caused a cold feeling to shoot through his body. What if something was wrong? What if that's the reason why it was taking so long? Or even worse than that, what if he lost her? His father was a big man after all, and she was so tiny. What if she was too tiny to have this baby? He could remember his father telling him that his height and weight had been in the 90th percentile of all babies which he now understood meant he was a big baby. What if this baby was a big baby too? Too big for his mother to have? Or worse what if she... No! Please God, no. He silently prayed as another wave of fear washed through him. He couldn't lose her. Not when he had just found her. No. No! He shook his head. He wasn't going to lose her. This was her destiny. The powers wouldn't let anything happen to her... Or would they? As he was beginning to find out, the powers were never clear on things. Never. And this prophecy that spoke of his mother's destiny wasn't exactly clear on how many babies she was supposed to have. Maybe this was it. Maybe it was just supposed to be him and his little brother or sister. No. NO! He repeated more firmly this time. Even if that was the case she was still going to be okay. Nothing was going to happen to her. He wouldn't let it and neither would his father. And speaking of his father...

God, if he was this worried sick, he couldn't even begin to imagine what his father must be going through. She was his mate, after all. His one and only love. No one doubted that anymore. Especially after the day the couple had married for real. The love flowing from the souled vampire that day and everyday for the last nine months was the happiest anyone had ever seen him. His mother, too. Happy. Truly happy was the only thing Conner could think to describe his parents the last nine months, barring the time Wolfram and Hart tried to screw that happiness up, but that was another story for another time.

Conner's thoughts returned to his father, and what he must be going through right now. Everyone knew he couldn't take seeing his mate suffer any kind of pain for any amount of time let alone twenty hours of it. The man was probably a wreck right now, and was probably snapping necks even as he thought about him. Not that he could blame him. He felt the same way about his own mate.

And speaking of his own mate... Thoughts of her and his guilt at neglecting her the last twenty hours sent Conner's gaze seeking her out, and relief immediately washed through him as he found her and she gave him a warm, reassuring smile. She knew... She knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling, and that smile of hers was telling him everything was going to be okay. He just wished he could believe it. Of course, he couldn't tell her that. Wouldn't. He also had no plans of telling her what else was going through his mind at that exact moment. That he'd pretty much made up his mind ten hours ago that they would never have children of their own. He couldn't bear the thought of putting her through what his mother was going through right now. Looking at her, seeing her warm smile, only made his decision even firmer. He loved her, and wouldn't lose her. The hidden look in his eyes told her that before he turned and resumed his nervous pacing.

Another hour passed by, and every family member in the waiting room was starting to grow uneasy. He could tell by the looks on their faces. Hell, even Spike, Mr. Joe Cool himself, was on the opposite end of the waiting room doing his own pacing, and it was watching his pacing that finally made Conner snap. Without so much as a word, he spun on his heel and headed for the waiting room doors. "Conner?"

Cordelia stood up the moment she saw her boyfriend move further away than the area he had paced permanent tracks into the last twenty hours. "Honey, where are you going?"

"To find out what the hell is going on with my..." That's all Connner managed to get out of his mouth because just as he went to push through the doors they opened and his worried gaze connected with the very tired one of his father. "D-Dad? M-Mom? I-Is she... Th The baby?"

At first Angel didn't say anything, and because he didn't Conner began to panic. "M-Mom? J-Jesus Christ, Dad will you say something? I-Is Mom okay?"

Suddenly Angel broke into a huge grin. "She's fine, Conner. And so is your little sister."

A wave of relief washed through Conner. "S-Sister? I have a sister?"

Angel nodded and grinned again, and the sight of it caused Conner to let out a whoop of joy. "Sister! I have a sister!" He turned around to look at the rest of his family. "Did you hear that guys? I have a sister!" He quickly turned back to his father in excitement. "Well? Tell me about her? Who does she look like?"

"She looks just like your mother." Angel beamed as everyone gathered around to listen to him. "She's tiny. Only six pounds, but the doctor says she's perfect. God, Conner she's so beautiful. She has a head full of golden blonde hair just like Buffy. And her eyes... She has her mother's eyes, too. She's all Buffy. She doesn't look anything like me. Not that I'm complaining mind you. I wanted her to look like her mother and she does. Beautiful. She's so beautiful. She's just like her mother. She even has her mother's stubborn streak. That's what took so long. She was being stubborn and taking her own sweet time about being born."

Conner chuckled, then quickly sobered and met his father's gaze again. "And you're sure Mom's fine?"

"Yes, son." Angel placed his hands on Conner's shoulders in reassurance. "I'm sure. She's just tired. Really really tired. Still, no matter how tired she is her stubborness isn't going to let that stop her from seeing you." Angel's gaze traveled over the entire group. "All of you. She wants to introduce you to our daughter, but be forewarned that I'm only giving you ten minutes to visit. I wasn't kidding about her being tired, and I want her to rest."

"Well, if we've only got ten minutes then what the hell are we doing standing here wasting them? Let's go." Conner told his father, and waited to follow him down the hallway.

Within moments he and the others were following Angel into a room, and standing back to watch as he made his way over to the golden blonde laying in the hospital bed, holding a blanketed bundle in her arms, and obviously napping.

Angel leaned over to kiss Buffy's forehead. "Hey, sleepyhead wake up. We have company."

Buffy's eyelids fluttered open as Angel pulled back to look at her. "Mmm... Hey." She smiled up at him.

"Hey." He murmured, returning her smile. "How's both my girls?"

"Sleepy." Both Buffy and Angel peeked down at the bundle in her arms, and Angel couldn't help but run a finger across the bundle's face before returning his gaze to his mate. "I know you are, baby. And I promise the both of you that in just a few minutes you can go to sleep and sleep all you want. But first..." He kissed her forehead again before straightening and pointing to the group standing at the door. "Look at who's here to meet the newest addition to our family."

"Hi, guys." Buffy gave everyone a weak smile before her gaze traveled to one person in particular. "Well, what are you waiting for, mister? Get your butt over here and meet your baby sister."

"Mom..." Conner closed the distance to the hospital bed, and enveloped Buffy in his arms, doing his best to avoid crushing the bundle in hers as he did.

"Hey..." Buffy whispered in his ear. "What's this?"

"I just..." Conner said in a voice muffled by her shoulder. "I got scared. I thought I was going to lose you."

"That's not going to happen. You're stuck with me." Buffy pulled away to look at him. "Now smile because there's someone here I'd like you to meet." She adjusted the bundle in her arms, and pulled the blanket back off it's face as Conner straightened. "Conner, I'd like you to meet your little sister, Chara Joyce O'Conner."

Conner stared down at the bundle in his mother's arms, and was immediately smitten. The golden blonde little girl was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. Smitten... He was completely smitten with her. That was until it hit him what his mother had said. "Chara?" His eyes flew back up to Buffy's. "You named her Chara?"

"It was your father's idea." Buffy glanced over at her husband before returning her gaze to their son. "He uhh... He said if it wasn't for her we wouldn't be where we are right now."

"He's right." Conner smiled at his mother before his gaze returned to the bundle in her arms. "C-Can I hold her?"

Buffy nodded and extended the bundle to him. "Careful now. You have to support her head."

Conner did as his mother instructed, and eventually got the bundle cradled in the crook of his arm, and the moment he did he found himself staring into the same eyes of his mother. "Hello there, Chara. I'm your big brother, Conner." The little girl continued to stare at him, and Conner felt his eyes began to well up. "Oh God, you're beautiful." He looked back up at his father. "She's beautiful."

"Told you." Angel grinned. He moved over to the hospital bed and took Buffy's hand in his, bringing it to his lips to feather a kiss across her knuckles. "Just like her mother."

All Conner could do was nod as he returned his gaze to his little sister, who was now sleeping again. "Just you wait, Chara." He murmured to the little girl. "You and I are not only going to be brother and sister, we're going to be best friends. We'll do everything together. I'll teach you how to dance and drive, and I'll even beat up all your boyfriends for you when they break your heart."

"Can we please not talk about boyfriends until she's at least out of diapers, Conner." Angel muttered. "In fact, if I have it my way she'll never date. That way I'll never have to worry about her getting her heart broke."

Buffy rolled her eyes at her husband. "Figures you would say that. What's the matter, honey? You afraid she'll meet someone like you, or worse someone like Spike?"

"It'll be over my dead body that she ends up with someone like Spike." Angel growled.

"You are dead, Peaches." Spike calmly informed his Grand Sire from the group at the door. "And what's wrong with me? I'll have you know that I'm a prime catch." His arms slid around Dawn's waist. "Tell him, luv."

"By the look on Angel's face I'd say he begs to differ, Spike." Dawn stated. "And seeing as he's the father of my neice I would prefer not to argue with him and see her instead."

"Smart move, Dawn." Angel let go of Buffy's hand "And as for Chara... I think everyone needs to come take a quick peek at her and get out. Buffy needs her rest."

Everyone knew Angel took his role of looking after his mate very seriously. That's why they didn't waste anytime doing as he ordered and converged on the newest addition...

Alot of ooh's and aah's and congratulatory hugs and kisses later, Angel turned away from the closed hospital door to find his son still holding his daughter in his arms. "So... Looks like it's just us now." Conner nodded his head in the direction of the other golden blonde. "She's zonked."

"Yeah." Angel's concerned gaze moved to his sleeping mate. "But she deserves it. She's had a rough twenty or so hours."

"And you? How are you?"

"The truth?"

Conner nodded, and watched as his father swept a hand through his hair. "Excited. Happy. But at the same time I'm relieved, and tired. Really relieved and tired. I uhh... I'm never putting her through that again." His eyes returned to his sleeping mate. "I don't care what her destiny is supposed to be, or what the power's say. You and Chara are the only warriors their getting. I will never put her through pain like that again."

"Was it that bad?"

"No." Angel muttered. "She did great. Even the doctor said so. It was me. When the pain got really bad..." He shook his head. "I'm never putting her through that again. Don't get me wrong, I love you and Chara both, and I thank God that he gave the both of you to me, but that doesn't mean... I'm never putting her through this again. I don't think I can take it."

"You or me either one." Conner nervously chuckled, then quickly sobered when he saw the puzzled look on his father's face. "Let's just say that after twenty hours of serious brooding I finally understand why you did so much of it over her, and because I do I was contemplating having this same talk with you."

"Well, you don't have to now." Angel gave him a weak smile. "I may be a two hundred plus year old vampire, Conner. But I'm still a man. Trust me. I've learned the importance of protection."

"So I take it that means no more babies, huh?"

"You take it right." Angel closed the distance to Conner and lifted the precious bundle from his arms. "And because there's not going to be anymore that means I plan to spend as much time with this little one as possible, starting now." He situated the little girl in his arms, and returned his gaze to his son. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all." Conner smiled. "So breakfast in the morning? Just the four of us? I'll buy."

"Sounds good." Angel returned his son's smile, and watched him head for the door. "Love you."

"Love you, too." Conner called softly over his shoulder as he left the hospital room, and stepped out into the hallway.

"Well?" Spike, who was leaning against the wall opposite the door, pushed away from it.

Conner reached into his pants pocket, and pulled out a fifty dollar bill to slap into Spike's hand. "You won, Spike."

"I knew it." Spike chuckled. "The bloody wanker is always a pussy when it comes to seeing his mate suffer."

Gunn, who had been leaning against the wall beside Spike, straightened and met Conner's gaze. "And what about me? Did I win my bet?"

"I could lie and say no." Conner muttered to his friend.

"But you won't." Gunn laughed and stuck out his hand. "Now come on, pussy number two. Pay up. A bet's a bet."

Conner growled, and pulled another fifty dollar bill from his pant's pocket to hand to Gunn. "You know, Gunn. I'm looking forward to the day Fred goes to give birth to your first born, then we can talk about who's the real pussy."

Gunn laughed again. "Hey, man. I won't deny it. I probably will be a pussy. A really big one. But this bet wasn't about me. It was about you and your father, and you were stupid enough to take it. I thought you said you knew your dad?"

"I do know my father, Gunn. And if you want to get technical about it in all actuallity I didn't lose the bet to Spike. Dad never said he wouldn't touch Mom again. He just said there wouldn't be anymore babies, that's all."

"In other words, Charlie boy Peaches has his mind set on using protection from now on." Spike informed Gunn before moving his gaze back to Conner. "Am I right in my assumption?"

"You know you are, Spike." Conner muttered, and the look on his face caused another round of laughter from Spike. "Well, this is bloody fucking great. I feel another bet coming on."

Conner perked up at the mention of him getting a chance to win his money back. "Oh, really? What kinda bet?"

"I bet the both of you two hundred bucks that Peaches will forget to use that protection he's so hell bent on using in the heat of shaggin' his little slayer, and will have her knocked up again within a year and a half."

"You're on, Spike." Gunn stuck out his hand. "I'll take that bet."

Spike shook Gunn's hand before turning to Conner. "Well, Peaches Jr? Are you in or not?"

Conner thought about it for a moment, then stuck out his hand. "Okay, Spike. You're on. I'll take that bet..."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Epilogue...

Exactly one year later Dad did indeed forget to use protection in the heat of celebrating Mom's birthday with her, and Mom did end up knocked up again. Nine months later my little brother Kyle arrived.

Three years later in the rush to assure himself that Mom was really alive and well after thinking she had been killed in and apocalyptic earthquake that rocked LA, Dad once again forgot to use protection which resulted in my twin brother and sister, Erin and Arianna.

And last but not least, Miracle, my baby sister was conceived two years and six months later. She was the result of my Dad forgetting to use protection while he and my mother were celebrating him receiving his Shanshu.

And me... What happened to me you ask? Well, let's just say I followed in my father's footsteps even though I swore I wouldn't. Cordelia and I now have two beautiful little girls of our own, and we're just as happy as my parents. And no, it wasn't always easy to be happy. I mean, get real here, people. This isn't some fairy tale. My family and I live in a world of demons and darkness, and we fight every day to see to it that that darkness doesn't take hold. Not that I have any intention of telling you about those battles right now even if you wanted to hear about them. See, this is one of those really happy time's I was telling you about, and I don't want to spoil it with talk of death and destruction. All I can tell you is to stick around. My parents story isn't over. It's never over. Forever, remember? That's the whole point...

They're soulmates after all. And the rings of gold that they wear now with the words MO ANAM CHARA engraved on them tell the whole world that...

The End